EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT NSA SPYING* BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com


As a public service, and as a way for me to give something back to the community, I'd like to answer some FAQ about the "Dos" and "Don'ts" in this era of Big Brother Surveillance:

Q: I keep calling my ex-girlfriend and hanging up. Is this gonna' get me in trouble with the Feds?

A: Nah, don't worry about it. Unless your ex is Osama's cousin on his mother's side, you're probably home free. Besides, those Neanderthal Bushmen will probably award you the Medal of Honor for exactly this sort of behavior.

Q: I'm as red-blooded American as they come; ride a Harley, got "USA" tattooed on my forearm and ass. But I do construction work for some foreigner who owns the local Seven-Eleven -- is calling this guy a problem?

A: Since the clowns doing "call pattern analysis" don't know a Sikh from a Sheikh, you're totally screwed, dude.

Q: Whenever I call those X-rated phone services, I always press option #3 for "hot young virgins." Is this gonna' do me in?

A: Hey pal, unless you ask for 72 virgins at once, I think you'll stay off their terrorist watch-list. But as far as the Bushies turning you over to the Christian crypto-fascists, well, that's another problem altogether.

Q: I'm always using my cell phone to score drugs -- will this put me in jeopardy?

A: As long as your dealer is named Dewain, and not Hussein, you should be alright.

Q: I've lived an exemplary life. However, I should mention that I've voted against Bush twice, protested the Iraq War, and do fund-raising telethons for the ACLU.

A: Listen, Lefty, unless you want to get renditioned to Romania, I'd get my ass to Canada before they close that border.

Q: I believe women belong in the kitchen and bedroom, hate anyone who's not my nationality and creed, and enjoy riding around in an open jeep shooting off weapons. Does this profile make me look like an Islamic terrorist?

A: Are you kidding? You're the GOP base.

very tongue and cheek

my favorite was the last...

dude, you're the GOP base, ignorant and carries a large gun.... and itching to use it on anyone that moves...

That is hilarious!! :headbang: