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In a stunning front page story, The New York Times has strongly implied that Bill Clinton still maintains a dangerous stockpile of "weapons of self-destruction," that pose a grave and immediate danger to the presidential aspirations of his wife, Senator Hillary Clinton.
According to anonymous sources, Bill Clinton is still a threat to utilize his "biological weapon" as a "tool" to personally satisfy his own ambitions. In addition, his capabilities are enhanced by his apparent reliance on chemical weapons as well, including the Viagra that he's been supplied with by black-marketeer Bob Dole.
The Times also cites sources claiming that Mr. Clinton has met on two occasions with Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova, under the pretense of raising funds for tsunami relief.
In addition, Porter Goss, the out-going head of the CIA, has endorsed this intelligence, assuring President Bush that it is a "slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am."
However, there is a lot of skepticism about the accuracy of these reports, since they were apparently leaked by Karl Rove to Judy Miller, who somehow managed to sneak it into the "Paper of Record" for which she no longer works.
Nevertheless, the Times also claims that despite any apparent uncertainty over the "Bubba Threat Assessment," Hillary Clinton is prepared to take pre-emptive action, in order to ensure that her designs on the White House don't go up in a mushroom cloud.
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