MAKE WAR, NOT CURE: BUSH SENDS EMBRYOS TO IRAQ

President Bush has explained his veto of legislation expanding funding of embryonic stem cell research, stating that such embryos could be put to much better use in Iraq.

Asserting that embryos should be “killed there, instead of here,” the President emphasized that the military is at its breaking point in Iraq, and that crucial reinforcements are desperately needed, especially with looming crises in the Middle East and the Korean Peninsula.

Bush also asserted that given their extremely small size, embryos could well be the perfect answer to the guerrilla tactics practiced by Iraqi insurgents. “Besides,” the President hastened to add, “if embryos could survive IUDs, they can probably outlast IEDs.”

Bush further claimed that his religious principles will not allow him to sanction the destruction of innocent embryos, even to help cure debilitating diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. “However,” Bush explained, “if we have to sacrifice embryos to support religious extremism and theocracy, that’s another matter altogether.”

A press release issued by the White House also sought to minimize the need for expanded stem cell research, stating that the total of existing lines actually outnumbers the Iraqi divisions that are “ready to stand up.”

However, polls show that 70% of Americans not only support greater federal funding of embryonic stem cell research, but the harvesting of Bush’s organs, while he is still alive, if it can help cure a single individual.

Onion or did you write this? thank you for the laugh

Thanks for the kind words. Sure, I do all my own stuff. If you like The Onion, check out my site.

of harvesting DimSon's organs, and even letting the people vote on that one!

during the harvesting. That's a show I'd watch.