LIEBERMAN : 'IF I LOSE AGAIN, I'LL DUEL LAMONT'

Joe Lieberman, under fire for continuing his campaign as an Independent, attempted today to rationalize his quest by stating that he “only lost by about 3 points, the equivalent of a missed field goal.”

Ned Lamont quickly shot back, stating: “maybe so, Joe, but the real problem is, ya’ missed “WIDE RIGHT.”

Lieberman also expressed excitement about his very first opportunity to participate in a “three-way,” something that was usually off-limits to him during his strict Orthodox upbringing.

Lieberman further promised his supporters that even if he lost to Lamont in the general election, he would not give up, and would challenge Lamont to a duel, which is apparently still legal in the town of Bridgeport.

Chris Matthews has stepped up and offered to host the duel, and is prepared to promote the event as Extreme Hardball, in order to take a bite out of Jon Stewart’s huge market share of Generation Y viewers.

Indeed, to sweeten the pot, Matthews has agreed to personally participate in the undercard, a duel with the Red State, Yellow Dog, Purple-Faced Zell Miller.

Today, omnipresent MSNBC commentator Pat Buchanan gave Lieberman a decided edge in any duel, since Bush has agreed to put at Lieberman’s disposal not only Dick Cheney, but the entire 101st Airborne Division, which will be back from Iraq just before the mid-term elections anyway.

Lieberman further reassured his supporters that even if he came out on the losing end of the duel, he would “continue fighting for the good people of Connecticut, by mounting a challenge to Our Father in Heaven as Ruler of the Universe.”

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The Un-Iraq: It’s now official. With Lamont’s victory in the Democratic Primary, this battle has gone from a full-scale civil war, to a low-level Liebersurgency waged by a dead-ender.