David Vitter: Party Pooper (by Chris Kelly at HuffPost)

Chris Kelly
David Vitter: Party Pooper


Yesterday, David Vitter -- the first Republican elected to the Senate from Louisiana since Reconstruction -- held a press conference, and the gist of it was this:

1) I take full responsibility for something, but I won't say what.

2) Don't believe the rumors about my having a history of doing what I've just been caught repeatedly doing. These are lies spread by my enemies and I take righteous exception to the suggestion that I've ever been diapered by a prostitute, except for those five times you know about.

3) Oh, and when I say, "I take full responsibility" what I mean is, I plan to keep my job and go on with my life exactly as I did before you caught me. Suck it.

I'm calling it a press conference because that's what Reuters called it. Vitter, pointedly, didn't take any questions.


"Now, having said all of this, I'm not going to answer endless questions about it all over again and again and again and again. That might sell newspapers, but it wouldn't serve my family or my constituents well at all because we all have a lot of important work to do for Louisiana."


Which might qualify as a principled stand -- they'd be authoritarian principles, but what the hell -- except he never answered any questions in the first place. He issued a statement saying that his wife forgave him, and hid under the bed for a week.

People are saying that David Vitter is kind of a mouthbreather, and he must have gotten into Harvard the same way Legally Blonde did, but he constructed one argument yesterday that would make Aristotle himself sit down and press his hands to the sides of his head, waiting for the throbbing to stop:


"Since then, I've gotten up every morning, committed to trying to live up to the important values we believe in. If continuing to believe in and acknowledge those values causes some to attack me because of my past failings, well, so be it."


Try diagramming it at home. I'll wait. ......(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/david-vitter-party-poope_b_56509.html

david will do all he can to uphold the conservative values of lying, hating, hypocrisy, arrogance, endless war, profiteering from the deaths of our soldiers and paying for sex. All very important values for conservatives and dave will do everything he can to uphold them.

If kinky dumbass conservatives were not so fucking tight assed about sex they would not find themselves eventually in front of microphones with a grieving spousal unit at their sides. Dave you shoulda just whispered to Wendy, hey baby lets fucking get wacky. And most likely she would have responded, what's taken you so long values boy?