Missouri Fundamentalist asks atheists, where are the Primates? (funny)

I have a question for all you Darwinists and atheists. If man evolved from primates, why are there no primates?

I have seen deer, armadillos, even antelope in this diverse country, but don’t you find it odd that primates just don’t happen to live here? My house is surrounded by forest with big, tall trees, supposedly where one finds primates. However, I’ve never seen one outside of movies, and I’ve never met anyone who has. Speaking of which, did you know that in Hollywood movies, gorillas are created by special effects? Maybe if people knew that primates were merely hypothetical “just-so” animals, the Darwinists wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

Karley Johnston

http://www.joplinglobe.com/editorial/local_story_003223740.html

not ignorant, stupid.

Next he'll respond to all the comments saying they're persecuting him as a Christian for his beliefs. You can't win for losing with these people because they're fucking stupid.

These fundies are not only stupid, they are dangerous too!

:rofl:

It's too cold up north for the monkeys, chimps, etc... if you head a few miles south, to Guatemala, for example there are lots of primates.

fundie xians really crack me up with the depths of their stupidity. :rofl:

Does Africa even exist?

All the primates around Joplin have been eaten by the herds of elephants and polar bears.

<>

Oops, my bad, that is Primat, not Primate

a map. HEY, BEAUTY QUEEN! TELL THIS US AMERICAN WHAT TO DO!

except these days we call them republicans

Sasquatch.


:rofl:

n/t

How can you stand to even look at such a collection, let alone assemble it? I may go blind!

The chimps look much better in every one of those photos.

-app

The suggestion was gorillas are a movie special effect that don't actually exist...

Of course this was Missouri, home of the folks that brought you Jesus Camp....

if this frakkin twit was just a few IQ points smarter, she'd qualify as brain dead.





I went the the site and posted this: "What color is the sky on your frakkin planet? And here I though Sherri Sheppard set the bar for just how stupid a fundie could be with her flat earth, xians were the first religion stupidity. Congrats, you just limboed under that bar with room to spare."

otherwise, we need to lock her up for her own safety...and hope she hasn't been breeding

but for ours! These people vote!! Crap.

One of the comments is apparently from her, and she appears to be saying that it was intended as satire.

Creationists are already a parody of themselves, so bringing forth an argument so stupid that a creationist would actually use it hardly constitutes satire in my book.

Trust me, no matter how over the top you may be with your satire, you are still not being quite over the top enough. They really *are* that dumb and arrogant about it to boot.

What I would like to know is when our culture changed to the point where "stupid" went from being something to be overcome to being a badge of honor? Nowadays it's literally a badge of honor to be that dumb about basic science.

I swear that as a culture, the US is actually getting *dumber* every year.

"Karley writes:
I think some of the comments so far prove my hypothesis that people can't tell a parody creationist from a real one. 'Cuz they're just so lulz-worthy in the first place. Chris- how come you mock my faith when you need faith to believe that animals you've never seen in their supposed habitat exist? Huh? Huh?!?"

She's half-trying to sound like she is, but the other half says she's never opened a nature book nor watched a documentary in her life. Her parents must have skipped the subscription to Zoobooks Magazine.

http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/gardenofeden.htm

;)

Unfortunately, the satire of this letter by Karley is lost, because fundamentalists really do think that way. Simply apeing the way fundamentalists think is not satire (pun intended). Its a reflection of reality in fundamentalist thinking.

. . . That you'll be taken seriously.

That's what happened to Ed Zern's tongue-in-cheek review of (the paperback re-issue of) "Lady Chatterley's Lover" for "Field and Stream" magazine. Some folks, to this day -- nearly 50 years later, take his words as evidence of American "rubism". As recently as last May (2007) there's a blog entry discussing the review as "missing the forest for the trees". (see http://thespicedteaparty.blogspot.com/2007/05/different-perspective-on-lady.html The text of the review is here, too). One blog commenter, referring to the satirical review, says: "I love this, I really do-it's a classic example of seeing things as you want to rather than as they are." And we're back to square one . . .

Chris how come no one in Africa has ever seen a monkey evolve into a human and if your theory of evolution is true why arn't humans evolving into a higher life form still yet, My wife and I had a baby a few years ago and all we got was another human being the same way that dogs only repoduce dogs cats reproduce cats and so on and so forth.


"All we got was another human being". What'd you expect? Six legs?

We also have several large lakes in the area, yet I've never seen whales. Ooo, and dry desert too, but no camels or pyramids! It's snowing heavily right now, so where are the fucking penguins!?!? Must be Hollywood special effects. :eyes:

A: I don't know, I've never joppled.

Google her up- she's a college student from Missouri Southern.

My guess is that she wrote that to see if the Globe would print it.

There've been a couple of other letters like that in the past year or two- one from a guy in Idaho and another from a lwayer Missouri, as I recall.

Here is here picture at uni (page 36) not exactly a fundamentalist look

http://www.mssu.edu/art/Blixt_2007sm.pdf


here is her Amazon.com wishlist she may not believe in primates, but loves dinosaurs and dragons, LOL

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/registry.html?ie=UTF8&type=wishlist&id=36Z9T5DFKXU1D

here is an interview with her when she was 14 years old

http://genetic_mishap.tripod.com/landofthreenamedpeople/id14.html

here is an example of her art

First off, yeah, I did it all for the lulz. I’ve been combating (if that's the word) creationism and other forms of woo since middle school, and have also written to the Globe in the past. Right now there‘s another creation/evolution back-and-forth in the letters page. I was going to chip in earnestly, really I was. Then I had a better idea; instead of wasting time trying to reason with unreasonable people, I’d come up with the ultimate dumb creationist argument. I’ve often wondered if the people who deny primate ancestry have ever actually SEEN one, since it‘s pretty undeniable if you've ever been up close with a chimp. This became the seed of my insidious plot, along with the old “if we evolved from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys?” chestnut.

I mentioned it was a parody, but the better word is probably “experiment”. I wanted to see if I could make an argument SO ridiculous, that people would go “Good gravy, not even a creationist is that dumb” and realize that I was just funning ’em. I also wanted to see if I could actually get someone to agree with me. (Also, I was secretly hoping to be featured on Pharyngula, but that didn't happen.) :(

The results are: no, and maybe (don‘t know about that chuck guy). I think I certainly showed that you can’t make a creation argument that’s TOO dumb. It’s hilarious, all the people thinking that I’m for real, but then you can’t really blame them. When you have so many people asking “OK smart guy, if evolution is true, how come my mom doesn’t have an extra pair of arms?”, nothing seems too outrageous.

In short, have a happy January Fool’s Day, everyone. If you want more laughs, keep reading the Globe - you can usually find someone complaining about liberal conspiracies and “pornographic” breast cancer articles. It’s better than the comics.

(P.S. DRoseDARs- Questioning my knowledge of Zoobooks is an affront to my honor. I got the whole collection, including the prehistoric life box set, thankyewverymuch.) ;)

because it sounded so much like what one of them would say. In fact, I would guess we have all heard "If humans are descended from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?".

Unfortunately, I think you overestimated the intelligence of creationists. They really are that dumb.

*sigh*

and had no trouble believing that the letter to the Globe editor might be real. Good job.

Woof

Hoarding all those Zoobooks while I never had even one! :grr:

Oh, and welcome to DU! :toast:

You can borrow my Zoobooks anytime. Except for my special Activity Book; it must never leave its case.

:rofl:

Impressive that papers will print whack things like this eh?

A couple of others have had similar ideas- probably for the same sorts of reasons.

You may have seen this one in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:



--------------

Yep- seems as though in America these days it's really hard to make an argument that's too dumb... especially for the likes of the Joplin Globe (or even the Washington Post).

. . . as "woo-woos". And I'm from a small town not that far away, so I know where you're coming from.

Have a :beer: for me, OK?

Cold Indifferent Universe bless him.

*has beer* :beer: Dude, if you're ever in Joplin, we should, like, hang!

Humans had walk across the land bridge from Asia.

Other primates live in South and Central America.


Edited for stupidity.

Welcome, dear. Please check your brain at the door.

On edit... :blush:

It's a parody.

experimtire? :crazy: :silly:

If god doesn't approve of torture, why did he give us cattle prods?

Praise the Lard!