The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 321

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 321

January 21, 2008
Fool Economy Edition

George W. Bush (1,10) - remember him? - swings back into action by pumping up the economy and solving the energy crisis in one fell swoop. Meanwhile Mike Huckabee (2,3) goes medieval, Douglas Bruce (4) has a great first day in office, and Dean Hrbacek (6) slims down. Elsewhere, Rudy Giuliani (7) does not waver, and Mitt Romney (9) drops a pantload. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!



George W. Bush

George W. Bush, October 12, 2006: "I fully understand that energy is going to help determine whether or not this nation remains the economic leader in the world. We're doing fine now. We've got a really strong economy..."[br />
George W. Bush, December 20, 2006: "As we approach the end of 2006, our economy is strong, it's productive and it's prosperous."[br />
George W. Bush, January 30, 2007: "It seems like to me the community spirit here in Peoria, Illinois is strong. And that's the way our economy is, as well. It's a strong economy."[br />
George W. Bush, February 6, 2007: "I want to thank you all for giving me a chance to visit with you. First thing that's for sure, this economy is strong. I hope you feel it."[br />
George W. Bush, July 10, 2007: "Let me first talk about our economy. It's - our economy is changing and it's strong. I remember back to - early on in my administration, when we were confronted with some very difficult times. There was a recession, the economy had gotten overheated and it was correcting. Then we got hit by an enemy that killed nearly 3,000 of our citizens, which such an attack obviously would have an effect on the economy. Then there were some corporate scandals that had a psychological effect on our economy. People were beginning to worry about the system where people were not upholding the law, taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of shareholders. And yet, we acted and cut taxes - and cut them hard - (applause) - because one of the philosophical drivers of this administration is, is that if you have more money in your pocket to spend, save, or invest, the economy is more likely to grow. ... I'm not trying to elicit applause - thank you, but - (laughter) - and our plan has worked."[br />
George W. Bush, July 26, 2007: "Real wages are going up; inflation is relatively stable. In other words, this economy is strong."[br />
George W. Bush, August 27, 2007: "Cutting taxes has created a strong economy. We've created 8.3 million new jobs since August of 2003. Unemployment rates are down. People are working, inflation is low, interest rates are low, people are owning homes. This economy is strong."[br />
George W. Bush, October 5, 2007: "I want to thank members of my economic team for coming in the Oval Office this morning to bring some good news here for America's families and America's working people. The - last month our economy added 110,000 new jobs. And that's good news for people here in our country. It's an indicator that this economy is a vibrant and strong economy."[br />
George W. Bush, January 4, 2008: "This economy is on a solid foundation ... While there is some uncertainty, the report is that our financial markets are strong and solid."[br />
New York Times, January 18, 2008: "While the chairman of the Federal Reserve told Congress on Thursday that a recession can be averted, Wall Street sent Washington a different message: it's already here. The Dow Jones industrial average plunged 306 points, capping a 14.2 percent slide from its all-time high in October. After 12 days of trading, the broader Standard & Poor's 500-stock index is off to its worst January on record. And the Russell 2000 index, which tracks small companies, sank into a bear market."

CNN, January 18, 2008: "President Bush proposed a series of short-term tax cuts Friday that he said would provide a boost for the struggling U.S. economy."

So let me get this straight... Our Great Leader says the same thing over and over again, and then it turns out that the complete opposite is true. Color me surprised!



Mike Huckabee

Mike Huckabee certainly has an interesting platform - for example, did you know that if he becomes president, one of the first things he wants to get working on is a radical overhaul of the Constitution? It's true! According to Mike last week in Michigan:


Er... all right, cool, let's amend the Constitution to bring it in line with "God's standards!"

Okay, first of all Mike doesn't say which version of the Bible we should be using to achieve this, but since he's a Southern Baptist that should give us a clue. Uh oh - according to Ellison Research, "Southern Baptist ministers are split almost equally among four versions: 26% NIV, 25% New King James, 23% King James, and 22% NASB."

Hmm. Well, since the King James Version is the "classic," let's go with that one.

Right, the Constitution currently has 27 amendments, so probably the best way to get this rolling would be to start throwing the Ten Commandments in there. Oh - and let's not forget to add the Biblically-approved punishments for breaking those Commandments. Here we go...


How am I getting on so far, Mike? Heading in the right direction?



Mike Huckabee

Not content with directly comparing homosexuality to bestiality and abortion to slavery last week, Mike was also campaigning hard for the white supremacist vote. First, he threw his support behind the Confederate flag, declaring in South Carolina that "You don't like people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag. If somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them what to do with the pole. That's what we'd do."

Really Mike? And what would you tell them to do with the pole? Would you tell them to shove it up their ass? How very Christian of you. Hey, perhaps you could make that the 34th Amendment to the new "Godstitution."


Meanwhile, it was revealed by Raw Story last week that back in 1993 Huckabee delivered a videotaped address to the Council of Conservative Citizens, a speech that was "extremely well received." In case you're not familiar with the CCC, it's been named a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, and the Statement of Principles on its website contains such charming text as:


When reached for comment, Ron Paul said, "Hey! That's my audience!"



Douglas Bruce

Three cheers to Douglas Bruce, a brand new Republican state lawmaker from Colorado, who rockets onto the Top 10 list after just one day on the job. Bruce was sworn in last week - but only just. He initially refused to show up unless the swearing-in ceremony took place in front of the entire House. After a three-day standoff, Republicans held a caucus meeting and voted almost unanimously that "if Bruce was not sworn in by this afternoon, they would recommend that the vacancy committee that selected him choose somebody else," according to the Denver Post.

And that's when the fun really got started. Bruce relented and the swearing-in ceremony went ahead, but during the morning prayer he was apparently so angered by the presence of a photographer who was documenting the event that he "brought his heel down on the photographer's bent knee." According to KUSA-TV:


So is Bruce going to apologize? Don't be ridiculous!


Yes, I guess I can see that. Gee, I'm sorry you physically assaulted me while I was doing my job. Please accept my humble apologies.

Anyway, things didn't work out too well for Bruce - a panel of legislators voted to censure him last week, which apparently caused him to become "stone-faced and silent for the first time all week." But there was some good news - at least they didn't vote to fine him.


Somehow I have a feeling that this might not be the last we see of Douglas Bruce...



Mark Siljander

Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen if a former Democratic congressman was indicted "as part of a terrorist fundraising ring that allegedly sent more than $130,000 to an al-Qaida and Taliban supporter who has threatened U.S. and international troops in Afghanistan?"

Because that's what happened to Mark Siljander last week, according to the Associated Press...


So where are the screaming talking heads, the flashy Fox News graphics, the 24-hour chest-thumping on right-wing talk radio? If you haven't heard much about this story in the past week, here's why:


Go figure.



Dean Hrbacek

Apparently inspired by Mike Huckabee's dramatic weight loss, congressional candidate Dean Hrbacek has jumped on the bandwagon. In fact, the only difference between him and Huckabee is that Hrbacek couldn't be bothered to do all that stupid dieting and exercise. According to CNN:


How bizarre. Of course, they must have a good reason for doing something like that...


He didn't have time to pose for just one single full-length photo? Who is this guy, Spider-Man?

Here's the offending picture:


To be fair it doesn't look too bad until you see the full shot:




Rudy Giuliani

Rudy Giuliani's brilliant strategy for becoming the Republican nominee - which is apparently to lose every single primary by a country mile - was rolling along nicely last week after he garnered a spectacular 4% in Nevada and 2% in South Carolina.

But don't let Rudy's blasé demeanor fool you - he's still got some tricks up his sleeve. For example, last week he released a new TV ad which strongly features - surprise! - the events of September 11, 2001. Aren't you impressed by this fresh new approach?

Seriously though, Rudy has taken a fresh approach with his new ad - this one features actual footage of the twin towers collapsing. It also features the line, "When the world wavered, and history hesitated, he never did." That's right - when everybody else in the entire world faltered on 9/11, Rudy towered above us all. Or as Talking Points Memo puts it:


How nice. Meanwhile, Rudy continued his strategy to lose every single state by giving up the Wisconsin vote last week. According to the Associated Press:


To be fair, the guy should have known that Rudy only supports New York teams, like the Yankees. And the Red Sox.



Michele Bachmann

This week's prize for getting it ass-backwards goes to Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), who according to Think Progress recently "justified the conservative plan to give tax breaks to corporations - instead of working Americans - by arguing that people actually like working long hours." Here's what she had to say:


Isn't that special? Maybe Minnesota could consider putting that fact up on their state website to attract new residents. "Come to Minnesota! You'll work longer and harder than ever before." Or, "Minnesota: you'll eke out a living like nowhere else in America."

Mind you, with the economy going under, Michele Bachmann might need to consider some fresh ideas to make sure that Minnesota remains the "workingest state in the country." How about repealing some child labor laws? Or raising the retirement age to 80? Making these simple changes should mean she can keep voting for massive tax breaks for millionaires well into the 21st century.



Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney unflappable demeanor was decidely, er, flapped last week after one of the rarest of all occurrences on the campaign trail: a reporter actually calling a candidate on his BS.

Mitt was extolling the virtues of running a lobbyist-free campaign, saying "I don't have lobbyists running my campaign, I don't have lobbyists that are tied to my..."

He stopped short as AP reporter Glen Johnson interrupted him. "That's not true. Ron Kaufman's a lobbyist."

Well now! Romney frowned, his palms got sweaty, and his gorgeous hair broke free of its moorings and began to bristle.


The video is here.

So what's the truth? According to Time magazine:


So there you have it - Romney is telling the truth. See, he doesn't have lobbyists running his campaign, he just has lobbyists telling him how to run his campaign. It's not his fault if you can't tell the difference.



George W. Bush

And finally, forget about the economy - the good news is that Our Great Leader has solved America's energy crisis! Turns out all he had to do was go over to Saudi Arabia and grovel at the feet of King Abdullah. Here's an excerpt from his interview with Terry Moran (which you can see Jon Stewart making fun of here):


Presumably George would then back slowly out of the room while curtsying and tugging at his forelock. Now that's what I call an energy policy!

Of course, Dubya also sweetened the deal by offering $20 billion-worth of advanced weaponry to the Saudis, our great partners in the effort to spread democracy across the Middle East. Sure, they run a brutal dictatorship where women aren't allowed to drive and homosexuals are beheaded, and yes, fifteen of the nineteen 9/11 hijackers came from Saudi Arabia, and okay, it's been reported that wealthy Saudis are funding Sunni insurgents in Iraq, 55% of whom are Saudi nationals, but "if it's possible, your majesty, you know, consider, um, what high prices is doing to one of your largest customers."

Aside from the grovelling and the handing over of weapons, George had a lovely time during his trip. Here he is in Bahrain:


Looks good with that sword, doesn't he?

Which gives me an idea. Some analysts have already floated the idea that what Iraq really needs is a strongman president to bring the country together. So after George is done running America, why doesn't he move there and take over where Saddam left off? Think about it...


Obviously the mustache problem could easily be fixed - so what about it Mr. President? This could be the answer to restoring your battered legacy!

See you next week...

-- EarlG

:patriot:

Now I'll actually, um, read it or sumptin'... :blush:

embarrassing the state. Again.

Glad she's not my responsibility!

Yeah, Huckabee supporters might have a problem with that one.

Call man on dog Santorum for instructions.

:rofl:

probably in Leviticus, where it talks about how men with imperfect eyesight (among others) cannot come before the LORD. Apologists will tell you that this refers only to Temple practice, but the Fundies and the Thumpers never seem to worry about context when they're trolling for exerpts....

because it's true!! :grr: Especially that Romney line! :P

"See, he doesn't have lobbyists running his campaign, he just has lobbyists telling
him how to run his campaign. It's not his fault if you can't tell the difference."

:rofl:

:kick: & Recommended

Thanks!

I here Chimpy announced that he would be getting personally involved in sorting out the economy (and the Dow immediately dropped 300 points--do you smell fear?). Let's see, what other problems has he taken a personal interest in of late?

* The Iraq war
* Katrina
* Homeland security
* Relations with Iran
* Oil prices
* The mideast peace process

And now he's noticed the economy and wants to help.

We are so screwed.

--Kibitzer

I really wish the reporter had let Mittens finish the sentence:


You just know that that '...' was going to be 'campaign'. Mittens was about to say he had no lobbyists tied to his campaign, but instead gets to weasel out with, 'he's not running my campaign.'

--Kibitzer

is what one of Romney's 'staff' told Glen Johnson afterwards. Obviously it has been so very long since any politician met a reporter who actually did his job that they didn't recognize it when they saw it.

The absolute best part is the woman from the audience telling Johnson that he's 'rude and ugly'...not realizing just how ugly and rude *she* is.

Was an operative in Mass just like Lee Atwater, predecessor to Karl Rove. Got caught driving the wrong way on Expressway in Boston. Former Gov Weld that swell guy said he saw him with a glass of amber liquid at his house while they were all playing cards before he left to drive. He stated this to reporters. Ron baby got off. He also got the mayor of springfield to sic the cops on the Democratic convention. They picketed so no dems would go through the door. Sleazy cops and rude and disgusting that day. He hid in a car. He is a jerk and romney deserves him. He was probably behind the Dukakas slimly video of Willie Horton. Hope what happened to Lee Atwater happens to Kaufman and Rove. God Kaufman is such a slime.

You forgot the most important pro argument of all: He'd be there, and not here.

--Kibitzer

I think someone made a *dum dum dum* typo!

Imagine how he might behave if he'd actually been elected :asshat:

Another great compilation EarlG :yourock: :pals:

:

If it came about, could we invade and depose the Iraqi prez again? I have a feeling we'd be welcomed with flowers THIS time...

:)

the Chimperator said he'd be in the ear of our Saudi oil suppliers because $25 a barrel was too expensive. Looks like Prevaricator-in-Chief has a bad memory too. The mindless dupes who still believe in The National Disgrace need a history refresher.

unless his party gets rid of him quick. He was the author of the TABOR amendment in Colorado that has hamstrung governments and school districts for years. See Wikipedia for more

But he's been worthy many times. He's been an embarrassment to Colorado Springs for years.

law did. Another "Reagan Democrat/Republican" also called the " you can't take "my" money and give it to anyone and you can't tell me how to run my business" guys. Never mind "my business" is a polluting, hazardous waste site that has illegal and/or immoral work conditions. Never mind that "my money" really means the tax breaks that he got for putting that stinking business in the town in the first place.

Businesses pull this shit all the time and reagaonomics is the latest incarnation. And this idiot sounds like a leftover. god help the people in his district.

And wouldn't Bruce then be a felon if and when convicted? And if that happened, could he then be a legislator?

Someone should press charges against Douglas Bruce.

Yuch :puke:

Re: #10.

Remember during the 2000 campaign when he was so full of Piss & Vinegar, when the price of gas his $1.49 a gallon and truckers threatened to go on strike, he said he'd *demand* the Saudi's (quote) "open up the spigots"?

Now it's more like, "Please Sir, may I have s'more?" (Oliver Twist begging for food.)

Although that sword Dubya's holding is kinda cool looking.

after all sinners are executed, should eliminate the jobless problem.

That piece of trash Weber is also a PNAC signatory.

Talk about someone who's a natural for spider holes ...

...but it's just a print article. Have you another, more direct link?

Take your pick.

I did want to see video of the Bruce kick as well, but it was Romney's "who let the dogs out" moment I was looking for. I imagine that's on YouTube by now, though.

The perils of targeted advertising...



Ah, Michelle Bachman, whose only stated goal when being sworn in (according to the magazines on my toilet tank) was "not to go to jail". Such a lofty thing for a Republican to dream of.

#7 - Rudy thought it would be "bad luck" for him to sign a Packers cap??? For whom? Do you suppose he is under the impression that his touch, or his support is uppermost in the eyes sports gods? I wonder if his speeches will now contain "a noun, a verb, 9/11"...and the Giants.

And, screaming even more loudly...
#3 -"You don't like people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag. If somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them what to do with the pole. That's what we'd do." .....!!!!!

Let me get this straight, "Reverend". Have Arkansas and South Carolina left the Union again? How did I miss that? Are you running for President of the Confederacy? Certainly not for President of the United States. Our flag has Stars and Stripes!

Have you a visitor's Visa to allow you into the U.S. from Arkansas, or are you here illegally?

Dang...I wish I were home right now...think of the possibilities:

* classic Saddam dictator mustache
* retro 70's porn 'stache
* Snidely Whiplash twirly mustache...or moustache
* 3-sided biker 'stache
* and we've already seen those mock-ups of W with the face-fuzz of a certain German leader of the 1930s and 40s....

Get working, peoples!

no rhyme nor reason, no rational. I just "connect" with it and burst out laughing!


A discredit to the other exceptional call outs, but... :rofl: