The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 368

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 368

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 368

July 13, 2009
Palin Out Edition

First of all I want to apologize for leaving Free Republic off the list this week. I'd almost finished the Top 10 when the story came along and I was so done with right-wing douchebaggery by that point, I couldn't bring myself to write about it. If you missed it, you can check out the scoop http://www.vancouversun.com/entertainment/Conservative+Free+Republic+blog+free+speech+flap+after+racial+slurs+directed+Obama+children/1782375/story.html">here. And now, on with the show. Sarah Palin (1,2,3) takes her ball and goes home, John Ensign (4) asks mom and dad for some extra pocket money, and Brian Kilmeade (6) is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic. Don't forget the key!

Sarah Palin

Adieu, Sarah Palin... last week the GOP's most recent vice-presidential nominee announced that she will not run for a second term as Governor of Alaska. In fact, she's so sick of the whole thing, she's not even going to finish her first term, quitting the job with more than a year left to go.

In a http://community.adn.com/adn/node/142176">bizarre, rambling press conference, Palin variously blamed her decision on the media, her family, other politicians, and even the troops. Which brings us to a new Top 10 feature entitled:

If Only The Movies Were More Like Real Life

This week:

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin on feminism

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/08/29/palin-didn%E2%80%99t-like-hillary-clinton%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98perceived-whine%E2%80%99/">Last year: "I say this with all due respect to Hillary Clinton ... but when I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism or you know maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think you know that doesn't do us any good - women in politics, women in general wanting to progress this country."

http://community.adn.com/adn/node/142176">Last week: "Over the past nine months I've been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethics violations ... Todd and I are looking at more than half a million dollars in legal bills in order to set the record straight. And what about the people who offer up these silly accusations? It doesn't cost them a dime so they're not going to stop draining public resources - spending other peoples' money in their game. It's pretty insane - my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing our state now."

Sarah Palin on working together

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D93JSBFO0&show_article=1">Last year: "Our opponent ... is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect, imperfect enough, that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country."

http://community.adn.com/adn/node/142176">Last week: "You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity."

Sarah Palin on intestinal fortitude

http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/09/65095/index.html">Last year: "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick."

http://community.adn.com/adn/node/142176">Last week: "I've determined it's best to transfer the authority of governor to Lieutenant Governor Parnell."

Sarah Palin on WTFLOL

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html">Last year: "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where - where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=8016906&page=1">Last week: "I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out."

Sarah Palin

So is this all some kind of clever scheme? Is Palin, as Bill Kristol http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2009/07/03/kristol_palin_crazy_like_a_fox.html">put it, "crazy like a fox?" Or is she just crazy like Bill Kristol?

It seems the GOP isn't sticking around to find out. http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/vulnerable-republicans-want-palin-to-stay-home-2009-07-09.html">According to The Hill:

Republicans facing tough elections in 2010 don't want Sarah Palin campaigning with them.

Though the soon-to-be-former Alaska governor is seen as popular with the conservative grass roots, several Republicans said she'd help them by staying home in Wasilla.

(snip)

Several other lawmakers indicated a wariness about accepting help from Palin, but did not want to criticize the GOP’s vice presidential candidate from last year. They said Palin could hurt them by firing up Democrats.

An unnamed GOP lawmaker representing a district that Obama carried in 2008 told The Hill that if Palin came into his district, his opponent would "probably be doing a dance of joy."

And they're not the only notable Republicans backing slowly away from Palin. Take Rich Lowry of the National Review for example. After last year's vice-presidential debate Lowry http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/03/inris-rich-lowry-palin-se_n_131735.html">wrote:

I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me." And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.

Well, it turns out last week's news has poured cold water on his ~~boner~~ enthusiasm:

Before she had been on the national stage five minutes - before the Katie Couric interview, before the Tina Fey parodies - she had earned the eternal enmity of the liberal elite for the affront of who she was: a working-class, pro-life woman with decidedly red-state mores. Conservatives loved her for the same reason. She had a true magnetism. The more she repelled one side, the more she attracted the other.

This push-pull dynamic will hold Palin up for a long time, but it can't propel her into the presidency. For that she needs substance, not the hackneyed sound bites she clings to for dear life. For that she needs a positive program, not just the hatred of conservatism’s favorite enemies. On this score, her premature exit from the governorship makes her task all the more arduous. As the soon-to-be-former half-term governor of a small state, she makes that other prominent populist social conservative, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, look formidably credentialed in comparison.

But Rich, what about the starbursts?!?

Meanwhile such conservative luminaries as Karl Rove, George Will, Tim Griffin, and, er, Mike Huckabee all took a turn at http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-1172-Progressive-Politics-Examiner~y2009m7d6-GOP-critical-of-Sarah-Palin-for-quitting-as-governor-of-Alaska">lambasting Palin's decision to resign. But that's okay - Palin is a savvy politician who knows exactly how to respond...

Just when you thought the plot couldn't possibly thicken more in the Days of Our Lives in Alaska, it has. Outgoing Gov. Sarah Palin is now fighting back against claims made by her daughter's ex-boyfriend that she bailed out on Alaska in order to cash in on her fame.

Asked if Levi Johnston's accusation bore any truth, Palin spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton said in an e-mail to The Sleuth, "Absolutely not. She is taking a leap of faith that all will be well personally. This is about what is best for Alaska and not what is best for her personally."

(snip)

"It is interesting to learn Levi is working on a piece of fiction while honing his acting skills," Stapleton added in her e-mail.

Take THAT, 19-year-old father of Sarah Palin's grandson!

John Ensign

Sen. John Ensign must have thought he was getting off easy. This former member of the Promise Keepers recently admitted to an extra-marital affair with the wife of a staffer, only to have the news eclipsed by Gov. Sarah Palin abandoning her post, Gov. Mark Sanford's naked hike along the coastline of Buenos Aires, and the death of Michael Jackson.

But not so fast. Last week the husband of the woman Ensign had an affair with "told a Las Vegas reporter that the senator paid his wife a hefty severance," http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/09/sen-ensigns-parents-gave-nearly-family-mistress/?test=latestnews">according to the Fox News website.

Oh, the humanity! This can't possibly be true. Wait, it is true...

The Nevada Republican, through a written statement by his attorney, admitted Thursday that his parents paid the family of his mistress nearly $100,000 last year.

So let me get this straight. A 51-year-old United States Senator got his parents to pay his mistress nearly $100,000 in hush money? I would love to hear the explanation for that.

"The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts," he said. "After the senator told his parents about the affair, his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time. The gifts are consistent with a pattern of generosity by the Ensign family to the Hamptons and others."

Excuse me while I rupture my spleen laughing.

Dick Cheney

You may recall various right-wingers http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/17/AR2009051702217.html">verbally thrashing Nancy Pelosi for suggesting recently that the CIA has been misleading Congress. Well, last week the New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/12/us/politics/12intel.html?_r=1&hp">reported that not only has the CIA been misleading Congress since 2001, it has been doing so on "direct orders from former Vice President Dick Cheney."

The Central Intelligence Agency withheld information about a secret counterterrorism program from Congress for eight years on direct orders from former Vice President Dick Cheney, the agency's director, Leon E. Panetta, has told the Senate and House intelligence committees, two people with direct knowledge of the matter said Saturday.

(snip)

Mr. Panetta, who ended the program when he first learned of its existence from subordinates on June 23, briefed the two intelligence committees about it in separate closed sessions the next day.

So what is this super-secret program all about? Surprisingly it may not be about Dick Cheney's very special torture fetish - the Times describes the program as "still-unidentified."

Could it have something to do with this http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/washingtondc/la-na-wiretap11-2009jul11,0,1989283.story">recent story in the Los Angeles Times?

The Bush administration's post-Sept. 11 surveillance efforts went beyond the widely publicized warrantless wiretapping program, a government report disclosed Friday, encompassing additional secretive activities that created "unprecedented" spying powers.

The report also raised new questions about how the Bush White House kept key Justice Department officials in the dark as it launched the surveillance program.

In a move that it described as "extraordinary and inappropriate," the report said the White House relied on a single, lower-level attorney in the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel for assessments about the programs' legality.

The attorney, John Yoo, a young George W. Bush appointee with close ties to the president's inner circle, wrote a series of memos legally blessing the program even though his superiors and most top officials were uninformed about it.

Or could it have something to do with http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/09/was-the-cia-hiding-cheney_n_228864.html">this?

Another theory being bandied about concerns an "executive assassination ring" that was allegedly set up and answered to former Vice President Dick Cheney. The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh, building off earlier reporting from the New York Times, dropped news of the possibility that such a ring existed in a March 2009 discussion sponsored by the University of Minnesota.

"It is a special wing of our special operations community that is set up independently," Hersh said. "They do not report to anybody, except in the Bush-Cheney days, they reported directly to the Cheney office. They did not report to the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff or to Mr. (Robert) Gates, the secretary of defense. They reported directly to him. ...

"Congress has no oversight of it," he added. "It's an executive assassination ring essentially, and it's been going on and on and on."

But never mind all that... when is Nancy Pelosi going to apologize for being rude to the CIA?!?!?!

Brian Kilmeade

Like most of you, I have long suspected that many of the anchors working at Fox News must have had their brains surgically removed and replaced with turnips. But last week the proof finally arrived. Check out Brian Kilmeade's performance on Fox & Friends, in which he is not only astonished that a group of scientists were able to plan an experiment that took 21 years to complete, but also comes up with a fabulous explanation for why their results can be ignored.

Before reading this excerpt from the http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200907080028">transcript, make sure you are sitting comfortably on a stable surface, and avoid eating or drinking anything.

GRETCHEN CARLSON: -- did you know that being married is healthy for you? At least when it comes to Alzheimer's disease or dementia or things like that. This group did a study. They first interviewed middle-aged people around 50 in the 1970s and the 1980s, and then they came back to look at them 21 years later. Those who were married at that point in their life, in the midpoint of their life, ended up having much fewer cases of Alzheimer's than those who were --

DAVE BRIGGS (guest co-host): Yeah.

CARLSON: -- divorced, single, widowed, et cetera.

(snip)

KILMEADE: I'm just amazed that they thought about doing this study in the -- by interviewing people in the 1970s and the 1980s.

BRIGGS: A little dated, you think?

KILMEADE: The average is 50, and they see that they keep it together. I find this -- I find this somewhat --

BRIGGS: Go ahead.

KILMEADE: Different. Leave it to the Finns and Swedes to some up with something. They literally --

CARLSON: Don't look at me, pal.

KILMEADE: Because that's a -- we are -- we're -- we're a -- we're -- we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other --

CARLSON: Are you sure they're not suffering from some of the --

KILMEADE: I mean, the Swedes --

CARLSON: -- causes of dementia right now?

BRIGGS: What are you getting at?

KILMEADE: See, the problem is, the Swedes have pure genes.

BRIGGS: OK.

KILMEADE: Because they marry other Swedes. Because that's the rule. Finland -- Finns marry other Finns, so they have a pure society. In America, we marry everybody.

BRIGGS: OK.

KILMEADE: So, we'll marry Italians and Irish.

BRIGGS: So, this study does not apply?

KILMEADE: Does not apply to us.

Turnips, I tell ya. Turnips.

Lee Lucas

The GOP is deep in the political wilderness right now, and their best route back to power is to start rebuilding at the local level. That's why they've got some great up-and-coming candidates like Lee Lucas - currently running for State Assembly in New Jersey's 3rd District - who really embody the fresh new generation of Republicans.

http://www.politickernj.com/">According to PolitickerNJ.com:

Republican State Assembly candidate Lee Lucas told neighbors "if you want to act like niggers, go back to Paulsboro," according to a 2006 Greenwich Township police report detailing a neighbor dispute.

"Yeah, I said that," a police officer says Lucas told him. "It's my freedom of speech. I can say what I want while I'm on my property."

Newly-elected Gloucester County GOP Chairman Bill Fey and Assembly Majority Leader Alex DeCroce (R-Parsippany) have called on Lucas to drop out of the race amidst other allegations of racially insensitive remarks.

Still, there is some good news to come out of all this.

Republicans had touted District 3 as a place they could win Assembly seats this year. Now DeCroce is saying he won't put any financial resources into the race.

Sylvia Allen

Perhaps Lee Lucas isn't such a great example of the GOP's fresh new ideas. Instead let's turn to Sylvia Allen, Republican member of the Arizona State Senate. Here's what Ms. Allen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtzJhTfQiMA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideocafe.crooksandliars.com%2Fheather%2Farizona-state-senator-sylvia-allen-r-says&feature=player_embedded">had to say last week about Arizona's tough uranium mining restrictions.

ALLEN: I can't say enough how it's time that we get beyond and start focusing on this technology we have and move forward into the future so that our grandchildren can have the same lifestyle we have. This Earth's been here 6,000 years - and I know I'm going on and on and I’ll shut up - it's been here 6,000 years, long before anybody had environmental laws, and somehow it hasn't been done away with. We need to get the uranium here in Arizona so this state can get the money from it and the revenues from it. It can be done safely and you'll never even know the mine was there when they're done.

I expect somebody could explain to Sylvia Allen that uranium is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uranium-uranium_dating">commonly used to determine the age of rocks that are between 10,000 and 2 million years old, but I fear the irony may cause her head to explode.

Audra Shay

Okay, so perhaps Lee Lucas and Sylvia Allen aren't the best people to revitalize the GOP. How about Audra Shay, who was http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-07-06/new-gop-racist-headache/">recently in the running to become head of the Young Republicans. (At the tender age of 38.)

On Wednesday, Shay - a 38-year-old Army veteran, mother, and event planner from Louisiana who has been endorsed by her governor, Bobby Jindal - was holding court on her Facebook page, initiating a political conversation by posting that "WalMart just signed a death warrant" by "endorsing Obama's healthcare plan." At 1:52, a friend named listed as Eric S. Piker, but whose personal page says his actual name is Eric Pike, wrote "It's the government making us commies... can't even smoke in my damn car... whats next they going to issue toilet paper once a month… tell us how to wipe our asses…"

Two minutes later, Piker posted again saying "Obama Bin Lauden is the new terrorist... Muslim is on there side... need to take this country back from all of these mad coons... and illegals."

Eight minutes after that, at 2:02, Shay weighed in on Piker's comments: "You tell em Eric! lol."

Wow... good job the Young Republicans found out that Shay endorses racism before they made her chairman!

Wait, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/12/audra-shay-wins-young-rep_n_230184.html">what's this?

Audra Shay, 38, has won the post of chairman of the Young Republicans -- despite accusations that she endorsed racism on Facebook.

Oh, I see.

Norm Coleman

And finally - and I mean finally - Norm Coleman gave up his quest to retain his Senate seat last week, after dragging the recount through the courts for almost eight months. The Minnesota Supreme Court http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/06/minnesota-supreme-court-rules-on-colemans-appeal-he-lost-franken-won-the-election.php">ruled unanimously that Coleman did not have a leg to stand on, and off he crawled into the political wilderness, never to be heard from again.

Or did he? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090702/ap_on_el_gu/us_minnesota_senate_coleman">Word on the street is that Coleman is planning a run for governor of Minnesota in 2010. Sure, he may have already tried this once, getting his ass beat by Jesse Ventura in 1998, but he's hoping the people of Minnesota will give him another chance.

Well it turns out that holding a Senate seat hostage for eight months isn't the best way to win friends and influence people. http://www.swingstateproject.com/diary/5251/mngov-not-looking-so-good-for-coleman">According to Swing State Project:

It looks like Norm Coleman may have done himself no favors by dragging out the aftermath of the Minnesota Senate race for so long. Coleman sports dreadful 38-52 favorables, and 54% of respondents say that his conduct during the post-election scrum made them less likely to vote for him (as opposed to 26% saying "more likely"). Coleman loses head-to-heads against popular Minneapolis mayor R.T. Rybak (who has 37-24 favorables) and even, by 2 points, against luckless former Senator Mark Dayton (who has 36-37 favorables).

I guess I just have one thing left to say this week...

Congratulations SENATOR Al Franken!

The Top 10 will be back in two weeks, on Monday July 27. See you then!

-- EarlG