My latest DU-inspired column....right out of the lounge

Got the idea for this week's column from a topic in the lounge last week. If you were part of it, thanks!

Column is also online here: www.cumberlink.com/articles/2004/05/20/editorial/rich_lewis/lewis01.txt

State cookie could save passwords
By Rich Lewis, May 20, 2004

I was hanging out in my favorite online chatroom the other day when somebody suggested the United States should have an official national cookie.
Well, that's the kind of thing that pops up when people get bored and happen to be connected to the Internet.
Nonetheless, it set off a lively discussion. Most people seemed to favor the good old chocolate chip, though lots of others drew votes.
Anyway, I got to thinking that we really shouldn't plunge into a national commitment of such large proportions without first testing out the idea on the state level. That's the whole idea behind federalism, if I remember my high school civics correctly — the "50 state laboratories" theory whereby we let the states "experiment" with various solutions to see how they work out.
This inevitably led me to wonder what brave schemes had been enacted in pursuit of an answer that could eventually serve all Americans.
Well.... it turns out that Pennsylvania is now ground zero for the Great Cookie Search.
First, you have to understand that this is pretty much a wild frontier as far as public policy goes. Only two states have taken the daring step of designating an official cookie.
The first to accept the mission was New Mexico, which in 1989 adopted the bizcochito to fill its official cookie jar. That's a small, anise-flavored confection brought to New Mexico by the Spaniards.
Not surprisingly, the nation needed to rest after that historic leap forward, and it took a whole decade before another state had the guts to follow up on it. The volunteer was Massachusetts, which picked the chocolate chip cookie.
Lawmakers were motivated by the fact that this particular cookie was reportedly invented near Whitman, Mass. in the late 1930s by Ruth Graves. She and her husband owned the Toll House Inn and one day she was low on baker's chocolate and so she chopped semi-sweet chocolate into bits and... well, you get the picture.
Lest you think this decision was easy, consider that the very powerful then-governor of Massachusetts, William Weld, fought valiantly for the Fig Newton because it had been invented in Newton, Mass. in 1891 — decades before Mrs. Graves had her "Eureka!" moment.
Defeated, but undaunted, Weld immediately proposed that the Newton be made the official state fruit cookie.
"I don't think any other state has a fruit cookie," Weld declared. "This is another respect for which Massachusetts is going to lead the nation!"
But that's another story.
Strangely, some people just don't appreciate the courage shown by these two states. Columnist Dave Barry back in 2002 was trying to decide which states are the stupidest and he devised Five Key Indicators of State Stupidity. One was "official state things," with New Mexico and Massachusetts getting special notice for designating cookies. The man just doesn't get it.
But our lawmakers here in Pennsylvania get it — and that's why they have taken up the cookie crusade. Big time.
As best as I can tell, right now there are three separate bills in the state Legislature pushing three different cookies for the glory of being the cookie.
House Bill 219 proposes the Nazareth Sugar Cookie; House Bill 2479 demands the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie; and Senate Bill 320 rallies to the plain chocolate chip cookie.
The Senate bill is by far the most eloquent, noting that "Pennsylvania leads the nation in the production of processed chocolate," and the bill would recognize Pennsylvanians' "steadfast and loyal devotion" to the chocolate chip.
But I'm not sure I like these choices. The chocolate chip is taken. The oatmeal chocolate chip is just a lame variant of the one already taken. And I have no idea whatsoever what a Nazareth Sugar Cookie is.
Let me suggest two other worthy candidates.
Why not the fortune cookie? Every town in the state worth mentioning has at least one Chinese restaurant (Carlisle alone has four or five), and this would recognize our "steadfast and loyal devotion" to take-out. Besides, what better choice for a state dependent on the lottery for revenue and about to become a gambling paradise? Fortune is our middle name.
But my real favorite is the "Web cookie." Web cookies are those tiny programs that get dumped on your computer every time you surf the Internet. They keep track of the sites you've visited, the things you've read and bought and so on. You have hundreds of them, maybe thousands, on your computer right this second!
And go out and look at your license plate. Does it have a slogan on it? No, it has a Web address! That came courtesy of Tom Ridge, who wanted everyone to know we are the technology capital of the world. Tell me this isn't the perfect state to adopt the web cookie. Got virtual milk?
My fellow citizens, it is time to take a stand. You cannot sit idly by while others pick the cookie that represents you, your children and generations to come unto the end times.
And once we get that job done, we can move on to an official state columnist.
I have a suggestion....


2004 The Sentinel, Carlisle, Pa. unless otherwise noted.
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incident that occured down in Mount Reid a few weeks back?

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