What Parents Can Learn From Prison Guards

http://motherjones.com/media/2011/06/parenting-tips-prison-guards

Some of the best parenting advice I've ever gotten was from a website for prison guards. While researching a story on prison riots, I was browsing CorrectionsOne, a site for corrections professionals whose typical stories have titles like "Mass. man escapes jail wearing only boxer shorts" and "Alternative Uses for Batons" (sorry, that one's for sworn correctional officers only). There, amid the Taser ads and tales of prison gangs, I came across an article that changed the way I think about being a dad.

The article, "7 things never to say to anyone, and why", listed common statements used by prison guards and police officers and explained why they make people do the exact opposite of what they're being told to do. The seven things were:

1. "Hey you! Come here!"

2. "Calm down!"

3. "I'm not going to tell you again!"

4. "Be more reasonable!"

5. "Because those are the rules!"

6. "What's your problem?"

7. "What do you want me to do about it?"


If you've ever been a child or have your own, you undoubtedly recognize those as the greatest hits of the pissed-off parent. As the father of three kids under five, I've probably said some variation of each of these phrases dozens, if not hundreds, of times.

...those phrases are all too familiar. My father demanded respect and I was forbidden to question his authority. These are the phrases I heard throughout my childhood. It didn't work out so well.

When my son was born, I chose to show him the respect that I expected from him. I couldn't imagine telling him to say "please" and "thank you" if I didn't give him the same courtesy. Granted, there were days when nerves were on edge that I'd lose my temper, but I had no problem apologizing to him later. He learned to do the same not only with me, but his friends, as well.

A miracle occurred. My son felt comfortable talking to me about anything, was always respectful, our relationship has always been close and he grew up to be a compassionate, polite and friendly man.

Respect cannot be demanded, it needs to be earned. Something my step-daughter-in-law needs to learn before she's allowed in my house ever again.

Out of all the escapes I was part of my most memorable one was when a inmate tried to escape in a mailbox that was refurbished and being sent back out of the prison.

When we caught the inmate before the truck left the prison, he asked me how we found him. I simply stated "you didn't use enough postage". You had to have been there to get the jest of it.