God Told Me to Write This Article

NOVEMBER 16, 2011 8:40AM
God Told Me to Write This Article


On Saturday, Herman Cain (R-Godfather's Pizza) explained how he was called by God to run for president.

"I prayed and prayed and prayed," he told the flock. "I'm a man of faith, I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I'd ever done before in my life. And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. 'You've got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?'"

Despite the skepticism of many, God confirmed Cain's story on Tuesday.

"Boy, did he ever pray and pray," the Almighty told me. "I didn't know who he was, though. The name was familiar - Cain. But I dealt with that long ago. At one point, I thought of telling him to run just to shut him up and let Me get back to things that are actually important, far more than some wealthy egomaniac trying to land a job on Fox News. But I let it slide, figuring he'd get back to selling pizza. But still he kept praying. I thought, 'C'mon, guy, get a life. Don't rely on Me to do everything for you. If you want to jack up your lecture fees, you don't need My permission.'"

That's when the Lord received a revelation from Himself.

"The more I kept hearing from this Mr. Cain, the less I liked. I mean, here's this guy who sexually harasses women by habit, and I knew he'd continue getting away with it. So, I realized I should tell him to run for president. That way, it would come out, to his utter humiliation and let all women everywhere see that they weren't alone."

The Almighty leaned forward, and a twinkle came to His eye. "What I did next was so clever. I mean, honestly I knew that Herman Cain didn't stand a chance in the Republican Party. Nobody would care about him or look into his past. So...I surrounded him with the most pathetic field imaginable. That was all Me! The moment Herman Cain took the lead, that's when he became news, and the whole story of his sexual harassment history came out. It worked perfectly! I felt like Danny Ocean." Then He quickly added, "The first movie, not the other two."

I asked God what He thought about Mr. Cain comparing himself to Moses. It was the first time that the Supreme Being showed any sign of displeasure.


more:
http://open.salon.com/blog/robert_elisberg/2011/11/16/god_told_me_to_write_this_article

If that is the case then their God must really enjoy war, killing, oppression, etc.. I am not familiar with that God.

:rofl: :spray: :rofl: