Fellow chorus member's step-daughter heading for Iraq.

Tonight a fellow progressive and freethinker (one of the few I know in this area) approached me with a horrible look on her face. I tried to smile at her, but I knew something was terribly wrong. I steeled myself, but the news was worse than I even imagined. Her husband's daughter (who has a seventeen-month-old baby) is being sent to Iraq.

She has it rough. Her husband, a Vietnam Vet, is a fundy winger and all for the war. I don't understand how she stays married to him. I don't think I could. "This issue is polarizing the nation," she said. "And I'm about ready to fall apart."

I was already pretty wrung out, already at the point of tears, so I couldn't hold them in and morphed into a sobbing basket case in front of everybody. Then my friend started apologizing. What for????? I'm glad she confided in me...but what kind of reaction is appropriate? What could I have said? No matter how I learned of it, my reaction would have been the same. Why apologize to me? She's the one who should be a sobbing basket case, but she held it together better than I did.

Fuck *. Damn him to hell.

It's like the daughter is being used as a tool to open the father's tightly shut eyes or something.

And your friend? She won't get much support at home from the war mongering husband.

forgive me, I was learning about tarot tonight, so I am thinking 'greater universal meaning' in regard to tragic life events and relationships.

My feeling about what to do? Commit to really supporting this friend; she will need it. So, the response should be a longterm commitment to really be there. I guess. This whole ugly situation is unwinnable.

I don't believe in karma. I'm one of those people who believe that the world is pretty much a cosmic accident and things happen because they happen...roll the bones.

Still, your idea to be supportive of this woman seems like a good idea. We have a lot in common. We both have parrots. We're both freethinkers. We are both progressives. We both love music. We've both suffered from serious Depression.

I've attempted suicide a few times. The first two times were half-assed cries for help. The last one was serious. She found out about one of the attempts and said, "If you're going to kill yourself, then don't make friends." I took her seriously. I really couldn't (and can't) guarantee that I'll never make that choice. I've gone through horrible suffering for seventeen years with severe, treatment-resistant Depression, OCD, PTSD and borderline tendancies. After being bed-ridden for three years, I gained a lot of weight and developed diabetes and sleep apnea. I underwent shock treatments, got better for awhile, then started going downhill when my body threw me another curve ball: degenerative disc disease and two painful herniated discs in my neck.

This woman has attempted suicide as well. She was seriously Depressed for most of her life, then suddenly got a reprieve when she hit menopause. She really doesn't know why. The blunt way she treated me made me back off. I really don't want to hurt anyone, but my own agony demands that I keep my options open.

I kept on good terms with her, but stopped calling and stopped e-mailing until just recently. I don't want to get hurt; I don't want to hurt her.

OK, I'll shut up now. I just felt like venting.