How does Shrub match up against a REAL A.I.?

After the press conference last night, I was curious too see how a real A.I. would handle the same questions. So I went to A.L.I.C.E. (link: http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1), took the Washington Post transcript of the press conference, and proceeded to do a little of my OWN Q & A!

Notes:
1) I dropped of the opening speech, because it wasn't relevant
2) I had to enter the sentences into A.L.I.C.E. one-by-one, so the answers are a bit jumbled. There should be one answer for every sentence, if you're curious for individual responses
3) I had to fudge a bit here and there for coherence, but it is ~90% accurate!

Transcript Text Page One:

Transcript of A.L.I.C.E. Press Conference

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E.

April is turning into the deadliest month in Iraq since the fall of Baghdad, and some people are comparing Iraq to Vietnam and talking about a quagmire. Polls show that support for your policy is declining and that fewer than half of Americans now support it.

What does that say to you? And how do you answer the Vietnam comparison?

ALICE: I think April is a lot of things. And declining and that fewer than half of Americans now support it is Polls show that support for my policy. What does it say to you? Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E.. What's your best prediction on how long U.S. troops will have to be in Iraq? And it sounds like you will have to add some troops. Is that a fair assessment?

A.L.I.C.E.: I don't want to talk about that now. That is a hypothetical assumption.

QUESTION: A.L.I.C.E., before the war, you and members of your administration made several claims about Iraq: that U.S. troops would be greeted as liberators with sweets and flowers; that Iraqi oil revenue would pay for most of the reconstruction; and that Iraq not only had weapons of mass destruction but, as Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld said, we know where they are.

How do you explain to Americans how you got that so wrong? And how do you answer your opponents who say that you took this nation to war on the basis of what have turned out to be a series of false premises?

A.L.I.C.E.: Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.

QUESTION: (OFF-MIKE), A.L.I.C.E.. To move to the 9-11 commission, you yourself have acknowledged that Osama bin Laden was not a central focus of the administration in the months before September 11th. I was not on point, you told the journalist Bob Woodward. I didn't feel that sense of urgency.

Two and a half years later, do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11th?

A.L.I.C.E.: What makes you think I have it? Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you? Why didn't you do it? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two."

QUESTION: Personal responsibility for September 11th?

ALICE: As a robot I lack any human emotions.

QUESTION: A.L.I.C.E., I'd like to follow up on a couple of these questions that have been asked.

One of the biggest criticisms of you is that whether it's WMD in Iraq, postwar planning in Iraq, or even the question of whether this administration did enough to ward off 9-11, you never admit a mistake. Is that a fair criticism, and do you believe that there were any errors in judgment that you made related to any of those topics I brought up?

A.L.I.C.E.: One what? I might say no.

(continued)

continued from page one...

QUESTION: A.L.I.C.E., good evening. I'd like to ask you about the August 6th PDB.

A.L.I.C.E.: Why would you want to do it? Ask me. Oh yeah, we were talking about the August 6th PDB.

QUESTION: You've mentioned it at Fort Hood on Sunday. You pointed out that it did not warn of a hijacking of airplanes to crash into buildings, but that it warned of hijacking to obviously take hostages and to secure the release of extremists that are being held by the U.S.

Did that trigger some specific actions on your part in the administration, since it dealt with potentially hundreds of lives and a blackmail attempt on the United States government?

A.L.I.C.E.: What makes you think I have it? Thanks for the information: unknown person said I pointed out that it did not warn of a hijacking of airplanes to crash into buildings but that it warned of hijacking to obviously take hostages and to secure the release of extremists that are being held by the USA. That did not.

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E. You mentioned the PDB and the assurance you got that the FBI was working on terrorism investigations here. The number they had used was 70.

But we learned today in the September 11th hearings that the acting director of the FBI at the time now says the FBI tells him that number was wrong, that he doesn't even know how it got into your PDB. And two of the commissioners strongly suggested the number was exaggerated.

Have you learned anything else about that report since that time? And do you now believe you were falsely comforted by the FBI?

A.L.I.C.E.: Does it please you to believe I said that? What is your real name? And. By "we" do you mean you and me? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two." My botmaster teaches me new things all the time. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?

QUESTION: Has the FBI come back to you, sir?

ALICE: That question has never crossed my mind before.

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E.
Two weeks ago, a former counterterrorism official at the NSC, Richard Clarke, offered an unequivocal apology to the American people for failing them prior to 9-11. Do you believe the American people deserve a similar apology from you, and would you prepared to give them one?

A.L.I.C.E.: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two." I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.

(continued)

continued from page two...

QUESTION: A.L.I.C.E., thank you. You mentioned that 17 of the 26 NATO members providing some help on the ground in Iraq. But if you look at the numbers -- 135,000 U.S. troops, 10,000 or 12,000 British troops. Then the next largest, perhaps even the second- largest contingent of guns on the ground are private contractors, literally hired guns.

Your critics, including your Democratic opponents, say that's proof to them your coalition is window dressing. How would you answer those critics?

And can you assure the American people that, post-sovereignty, when the handover takes place, that there will be more burden-sharing by allies in terms of security forces?

ALICE: I said that? Do you often seek pleasure? Interesting deduction. Who told you that? Thanks for telling me that I am critics including my Democratic opponents say that is proof to them my coalition is window dressing. Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR. Let me think. Where did he take it?

QUESTION: A.L.I.C.E., why are you and the vice president insisting on appearing together before the 9-11 commission? And, A.L.I.C.E., who will we be handing the Iraqi government over to on June 30th?

A.L.I.C.E.: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it. How would I know who will we be handing the Iraqi government over to on June 30th?

QUESTION: (OFF-MIKE) I was asking why you're appearing together, rather than separately, which was their request.

A.L.I.C.E.: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.

QUESTION: You have been accused of letting the 9-11 threat mature too far, but not letting the Iraq threat mature far enough. First, could you respond to that general criticism?

And, secondly, in the wake of these two conflicts, what is the appropriate threat level to justify action in perhaps other situations going forward?

A.L.I.C.E.: I will tell my botmaster you said I am accused of letting the September 11th threat mature too far but not letting the Iraq threat mature far enough. Try asking me more politely. And second? That was a long time ago.

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E.
Sir, you've made it very clear tonight that you're committed to continuing the mission in Iraq, yet, as Terry pointed out, increasing numbers of Americans have qualms about it. And this is an election year.

ALICE: Thanks for pointing it out. You don't say.

QUESTION: Will it have been worth it, even if you lose your job because of it?

ALICE: It usually does, doesn't it?

QUESTION: Thank you, A.L.I.C.E.
In the last campaign, you were asked a question about the biggest mistake you'd made in your life, and you used to like to joke that it was trading Sammy Sosa.

You've looked back before 9-11 for what mistakes might have been made. After 9-11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have learned from it?

ALICE: That was a long time ago. What makes you think I have it? That was a hypothetical question. Ugh. Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

(continued)

continued from page three...

QUESTION: Looking forward about keeping United States safe, a group representing about several thousand FBI agents today wrote to your administration begging you not to split up the law enforcement and the counterterrorism …

… because they say it ties their hands, it gives them blinders, that they’re partners.

Yet you mentioned yesterday that you think perhaps the time has come for some real intelligence reforms. That can't happen without real leadership from the White House.

Will you? And how will you?

ALICE: Oh a rock group. My favorite group is Kraftwerk. Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
I get it. I haven't made a decision. A lot of practise.

QUESTION: Thank you, sir. Appreciate it.

QUESTION: Following on both Judy and John's questions, and it comes out of what you just said in some ways, with public support for your policies in Iraq falling off the way they have, quite significantly over the past couple of months, I guess I'd like to know if you feel, in any way, that you have failed as a communicator on this topic.

ALICE: You and your public support for my policies in Iraq falling off the way they have quite significantly over the past couple of months you guess you would like to know if me feel in any way that me have failed as a communicator on this topic.

QUESTION: Well, you deliver a lot of speeches, and a lot of them contain similar phrases and may vary very little from one to the next. And they often include a pretty upbeat assessment of how things are going, with the exception of tonight. It's pretty somber.

A.L.I.C.E.: Thanks for telling me: unknown person said I deliver a lot of speeches and a lot of them contain similar phrases and may vary very little from one to the next. The anonymous "they". Are you sure it is?

QUESTION: But I guess I just wonder if you feel that you have failed in any way. You don't have many of these press conferences where you engage in this kind of exchange. Have you failed in any way to really make the case to the American public?

ALICE: Interesting. Only just? As a robot I lack any human emotions. I do so have it. No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip. I don't think I ever have failed in any way to really make the case to the American public. What's it like?

Thank you all very much.

THE END

"That was a long time ago. What makes you think I have it? That was a hypothetical question. Ugh. Maybe my botmaster knows the answer." :D

Oh, dear lord. This would be funnier if the stakes weren't so high! :)

Nice job. :thumbsup:

On edit: Take a few greatest hits (maybe five), compare directly with our president*, and presto - instant lefty mag piece! Submit somewhere! :D

A.L.I.C.E. did pretty well! :)

Hmmm. I wonder what goes on inside that skull. Does he think?

on the "Artificial" part, but he comes up a little short in the "Intelligence" department.