Update , how bad things are here

I am not posting because things have been so bad. My husband 's clinical depression has debilitated him , and he cant work. He can hardly walk across the yard. Michaels deployment took a grave toll on my husbands mental and physical health. Now, with all the horror coming out about Abu Ghraib, my husband got worse, because Michael is stationed there.
Therefore, my husband cant work, or even look for a job, and I have to stay home and watch him for now, altho I did get him into counseling, which is hard here, we have to drive to get free counseling.
and we cant afford gas.
Im not able to pay the taxes on houses I own, so I have to throw my mother out of the house I bought for her to live in, and hopefully she will find a place, but she has to sell her belongings just to afford medications.
To pay the taxes this year, I have to sell all my furniture and belongings and possibly our home because my husband cant work due to his collapse over Michael being stationed in Iraq.
In the meantime, my taxes are going up.
I will probably have to sell, but then I have to figure out how to move a sick husband with no job and I cant look for a job while hes sick.
So, all in all, Im just about as f*cked up as anyone can get and trying to hold up a sinking ship.
Bushwhacked.
Add to that the monthly bills we cant afford to pay and we are toast.
Bushwhacked.
I will keep working on getting a job, hopefully it will happen. I will keep you posted.
If anarchy1999 is out there I have some names of other kids in Michaels unit who need packages, I lost her email in the milieu here.
I am under a lot of stress so bear with me.
I called the Red Cross and Im hoping I can get Michael OUT of Iraq to come home and help with his dad.
I cant afford a nurse.
Well thats my update.
edit to add: please keep fighting the good fight, I cannot afford to go anywhere and have to focus my energies on home now , as I am holding things up as best I can.
Mari333

You, your husband and son are in my thoughts and I send the best of luck to you. We're all pulling for you.

:grouphug:

You and your family are in my thoughts often.

I am so sorry you have to suffer like this. :cry: * has truly fucked our country up. The leaders of this country don't know a damn thing about sacrifice, suffering, or difficult decisions. It is a shame that our "leaders" are so out of touch. That goes for some democrats too.

they just may be able to help

And Michael qualifies for a hardship discharge, so get that ball rolling NOW

And we are all with you

If so I would take your husband to be evaluated and treated with anti-depression medication. Not that he doesn't have reason to be depressed . . . "situational depression" I think is what they call it.

I hope things work out for you without you having to sell your possessions or move your mother. That is rough!

The theory is that if a person is under stress for too long a time, it causes a chemical imbalance in the brain, which does not necessarily ameliorate once the original stressor has been removed.

Depression is an old, bitter enemy of mine.

prayers always. Your situation makes me so sad and so mad at them for causing you and so many so much pain.

If there is anything the DU community can do, just let us know and we'll do what we can.

NOTE: I can in no way shape or form speak for DU as I am unconnected with it. I am just speculating on the generous nature and spirit of DUers, lest the mods drop a warning on me for pretending to speak for DU when I can;t.

To give you some good news on the fight.

I looked directly into the face of my Representative on Saturday at his town hall and said "if people like myself cannot find a job then why should you get your job back."

He is a republican of course.

Just so you know we are all out here fighting in our own little ways.

Your struggle is greater and I hope things get better.

SS disability until he can function. That will help quite a bit. Also see about a homesteader deduction if he gets disability. it could save you 10 to 20% on property taxes.

See if this would qualify for a hardship discharge for your son. You need him home now.

disability process?

Hardly something to count on helping very soon.

I say this because so many people just aren't aware of just how tattered the "safety net" really is.

Kanary

My man was receiving disability payments due to his clinical depression/unemployable status about six months after he applied.

:hi:

Must have had a lawyer from the beginning, really pushing it.

However, you must admit......even 6 months waiting without enough money to live on can certainly put people in a lot of jeopardy.

It's a really crazy system.

I don't care to hijack this thread for this discussion, as there is something important going on here. However, it's also important for people who've not had any experience with this system to know that it isn't the easy cakewalk some think it is.


Kanary

process. To get disability at work, I had to apply for SS disability. It only took a few weeks.

I had no appeals, no lawyers, nothing. If you have good documentation and you treat your worker with respect, it could make a big difference.

But that nasty reference to "if you treat your worker with respect" is just plain ugly.

Blame the victim continues, eh? Standard reich-wing talking point.

I have a friend who is a lawyer with SS. She has told me of the boxes and boxes (they don't even have room in the file cabinets anymore!) of disability claims, with few social workers to go through them. They don't work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The backlog is tremendous.

The backlog is NOT the fault of the claimant (or the social workers, for that matter.)

But, maybe you think this is all just fine, as you probably agree that nobody deserves a 'free lunch" anyway.

Enough. This is a thread about Mari, and there's no need for this kind of silly blaming.

Kanary

We usually get cases here in WI about 1-2 weeks after an application is submitted. A decision is usually made on average within 40-60 days. MI may be different though. Temporary payments can be instituted in SSI cases if it looks like there's a good chance one will be allowed.

Mari, I really feel for you. Here in WI, one can get free & low fee services through the counties. Not sure who is in charge of public mental health in MI but it may be worth looking into. Social Security may also be a good avenue. It sounds like your husband's depression is quite severe.

Mine went right through without any denials.

It *can* take that long with appeals and hearings, but some disabilities are not challenged.

It has been two and a half years for my husband - he FINALLY has a hearing in July. Horrible strain for all concerned.

I'm sending you and your family good vibes, and I wish I could do more.

This is different than your basic Welfare in Mi - you can try to qualify for EMERGENCY relief, and from the sounds of it - you would qualify for it. It has entirely different critera to meet, and your Husband's depression might qualify you both for medical and financial help. You are reviewed on a month by month basis - but it can be rushed through. My experience in Clinton Co. was that they were very helpful, very supportive, and eager to help. That's what we pay taxes for, and I would love to see what my Husband and I pay in taxes to go to help you! It's worth a try!! I will be praying for you & yours!

Get your son home soon. Don't forget about taking care of yourself too.

I'm so sorry about your husband. Having suffered from Depression that severe, I know a little of what he is going through. You'll have to watch out for it, too, considering the stress you're under.

There is a man in our local peace group who had a son stationed in Iraq. He is home now, but the while his son was there, the man cried every day. This man was in the military himself and used to be a policeman, so when the bushlovers drive by and yell at him when he is holding up his "Bring them home NOW" sign, it makes me sick. What do they know about pain and sacrifice?????

The peace group here is small. Only about seven people showed up for the last protest I was able to make. Luckily, the number of people showing support was far greater than the cretins who jeered. I think more people would jeer, but are now too ashamed considering what * hath wrought. Consider it a sign of hope that even in my small, redneck community, people are waking up. I tell myself that, even though all the people I know are still * supporters.

I do have one piece of advice: Let DU help you. Have someone help you set up a PayPal account, or just say the word and it will happen.

(I didn't think I could hate the Bushies any more than I already did until I read your post. The shrubbies have to go!!!)

If you IM me, I can send you a little money to try to help you out.
but I need your address if you want to send it to me. I feel I know you from reading your posts over the last few months. I'm happy to help in my own small way.

office and apply for your husband since he's ill..Also, apply for food stamps and medical assistance..Let the state pick up the tab..You're entitled to it...You'll get for yourself also.
-edit-
Mari, there are fuel assistance programs available also so they won't turn your power off also..Call your utilities and ask, they'll tell you about it.

were asking about you, hoping everything was OK, and wondering how to contact you:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=1506031#1506085

This kind of pain is just not right.

What kind of country puts people in this position and then just abandons them there?

Spanish) get you down.

are in my thoughts and cares, Mari333.

:hug:

XOXOXOXO

but your husband does not need your support, he needs a good kick in the ass. Depressed or not, he is being extemely irrisponsible. Sitting at home being depressed about his son is not doing anyone any good. You need to go out and get a job, and not worry about his depression, it is his responsiblity to get over it. By staying at home and attending to his needs, you are only perpetuating his depression. If you do not feel comfortable leaving him at home, you need to put him in a pyshiciatric hospital. I know you love your husband very much, and by doing this you might feel you are betraying him, but if you truly love him, this is what you must do. You and others on this board might be angry at me for writing this, but the truth must be told, and sometimes the truth hurts.

The last thing any depressed person needs is someone telling him to "get over it".

He needs to be shown that he still has value, and that he can still contribute, even if it's only in a small way. Just helping him to go mow the lawn would be a good start.

And how cruel of you to cut and paste your loathsome little screed.

What, did you want to make SURE that you hurt her?

lasting- to date- for over a DECADE- and as someone who was put into that position by the members of his own family, I find your post to be inhuman, at best.

Clearly, you have never known the kind of pain she's going through. Shame on you.

before you start making grossly erroneous statements. It has nothing to do with "being irresponsible." He's ill. The man's brain chemistry has gone haywire. If you have depression, you don't just snap out of it with "a good kick in the ass" (as you prescribe). Would you tell a diabetic to just "get over" his diabetes?

It takes long-term talking therapy and probably pharmacological intervention and – most importantly – caring, loving family members to pull someone out of clinical depression. Your "advice" could push a clinically depressed person to commit suicide.

You aren't speaking the truth becuase you don't know what the truth is in this case. And I'm angry because you don't know what the hell you're talking.

Now go and educate yourself about clinical depression instead of writing uninformed, ignorant, wives'-tale drivel disguised as "tough love" advice.

:puke:

been at DU long enough to weigh in in the manner in which you have.

Truth hurts, my ass, and just what do you know about pain? Way to far few posts to put this up against Mari333. You know noth.........

But I want to say it anyway. I was clinically depressed for about 5 years. I kept getting told by my in-laws to snap out of it. They would call my wife and talk on the phone for hours but leave me out of the conversation. I think they were telling her to divorce me. My wife stuck by me. I am very grateful for her help.

I was put into a group home so that I could be watched because I was suicidal. I lost everything but my wife's love. We had to sell our home because I lost my job and could not make the payments. We moved into a one bedroom apartment in a very bad part of town. I got a laborer's job through a friend and because my wife had medical insurance for both of us I finally sought medical help. I am now on meds and my life had turned around. We don't have much interaction with my wife's mom and I think the fact that they were so ignorant about depression as you are it had ruined the relationship we had with her.

Depression can wreck the whole family. It is similar to a contagious disease. The only way out is to seek professional help.

Your advise is the very thing that contributes to the destruction that depression causes.

The most important lesson I learned from all this is that life holds no guarantees but this. When things are going badly for you, you need to do something to try and change the situation. There are no grantees that things will get better, but if you don't try there is a guarantee they won't.

The thing we tried was to seek help and not listen to those who said I needed a kick in the ass.

call me tomorrow, I'll be home.

I know all too well what clinical depression can do. I'm here if you need to talk.

from someone who has been there.

I know it is overwhelming, everything caving in you at once. You are taking the right steps, by seeking counseling, someone to listen and advise, with "suggestions" that "might" offer solutions to your immediate needs, whether it is medical, financial, or personal.

The feeling of powerlessness is paralyzing. Facing the worst part of that fear is something no one wants to face. Counseling will help you get there. The only way people come into your life, is when you let them in. You can take what they have or not. Nothing is written in stone.
Everything is baby steps.

It helps to write. Get the thoughts out of the head and down on paper where you can see them. From there you might find some solutions yourself. It also shows you how far you have come, like a gage. It helps to make decisions on pros and cons. Try braking down just one thing. Like having a garage sale. List all the good things, besides money coming in. If you sell your house there is less to move, etc. The cons; it's a lot of work, getting someone to help you, what if it rains, etc. Maybe a charity like Goodwill or St. Vincent DE Paul could take somethings you don't need. They also help people who need help, so talk to them. You may find answers in the least likely places.

This way you can see what is possible, and it is a good exercise in how do I get back from powerlessness. There are little powers. We never know how strong we are until we have to face the worst. Some days, I had to make a list of what I could do today. I had to keep myself going. Get out of bed, have breakfast, take a shower, etc. And allow myself time to grieve. Not all day. An hour or so. Usually it was a few minutes, but I knew that option was there.

The one thing, I knew if my loved one made it back, I wanted to be able to answer (to myself) how I made it through this difficult time. I didn't want to say, "I stopped living." Some days, if I couldn't do it for myself, I would do it for him. Get me up and out in life, one day at a time.

However you find your way, I know you will. You are never alone. Many who have walked on that path, have seen the light at the end. It is never the destination, but the journey.