"Schedule" for DNC and RNC Conventions

One of my co-workers, a confirmed neocon, sent out this "schedule" for the DNC convention to a few of us. Very soon after, another one countered with the schedule for the RNC convention.

The DNC convention schedule from the neocon:

2004 NATIONAL DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION - OFFICIAL PROGRAM

6:00P - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony.
6:00P - Opening Secular Prayers (Rev. Jesse Jackson & Rev. Al Sharpton)
6:30P - Anti-War Concert (Barbra Streisand)
6:40P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast.
7:00P - Tribute Theme to France.
7:10P - Collect Offering for al-Zawahri Defense Fund.
7:25P - Tribute Theme to Germany.
7:45P - Anti-War Rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast.
8:30P - Terrorist Appeasement Workshop.
9:00P - Gay Marriage Ceremony (Male &Female couples)

9:30P - Intermission*

10:00P - Posting Of The Iraqi Colors (Sean Penn &Tim Robbins)
10:10P - Re-enactment of Kerry's Fake Medal Toss.
10:20P - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30P - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL)
10:40P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast.
10:50P - Pledge Of Allegiance To The UN.
11:00P - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed & Same Sex).
11:15P - Maximizing Welfare Workshop.
11:30P - 'Free Saddam' Pep Rally.
11:59P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast.
12:00P - "Surprise" Nomination Of Democratic Candidate.

The RNC convention schedule from one of "ours:"

6:00-Opening Witch Burning
6:00-Opening Holy Roller Prayers(Pharisees and Sadducees)
6:30-Red-Neck Concert(Teeth Koby)
6:40-George W. snorts a line
7:00-Tribute to Nazi Germany
7:10-Collection of funds for the needy Royal Saudi Family
7:25-Tribute to Fascist Italy
7:45-Anti-War Rally(cancelled due to lack of foresight)
7:45-George W. snorts another line
8:25-Saudi Royal Family Appeasement Workshop
8:30-Presentation of Trophy Wives
9:00-Burning of the First Amendment

9:30-Intermission

10:00-Painting the 50 stars all red; banishing the blue background
10:10-Re-living George W.'s National Guard days;(party on!)
10:20-Cameo by Dad's cabinet--oh, wait, they're all here already 10:30-Adopt-a-Child rally
10:40-George W. snorts a third line
10:50-Learn to spell "allegiance"
11:00-Presentation of Trophy Wives II
11:15-Workshop: How to Keep Screwing the Middle Class
11:30-Rally for the invasion of Syria, Iran, all states ending in "stan", both Koreas, Canada, etc.
11:59-George W. snorts a final line--and talks to God
12:00-Let's go out and try to get this guy ELECTED this time!

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