Mari333: Here's th deal

I am not much use to you as WilliamPitt the DUer. I cannot ease your pain, help at home, or avenge you against those who have torn you asunder as WilliamPitt the DUer.

I know your whole story, however. We have talked. Extensively. I know the facts that will rock the house. A few weeks ago, you called me off and told me not to write what you have experienced, what I know.

I can move the pile as William Rivers Pitt from truthout.

Let me off the leash. Let me help.

Let me know.

a big ol' can of whoop ass he wants to open.

so she sees this

:kick:

.........because I care.

She MUST see this

n/t

:kick:

Mari Im really sorry for your situation, but your husband does not need your support, he needs a good kick in the ass. Depressed or not, he is being extemely irrisponsible. Sitting at home being depressed about his son is not doing anyone any good. You need to go out and get a job, and not worry about his depression, it is his responsiblity to get over it. By staying at home and attending to his needs, you are only perpetuating his depression. If you do not feel comfortable leaving him at home, you need to put him in a pyshiciatric hospital. I know you love your husband very much, and by doing this you might feel you are betraying him, but if you truly love him, this is what you must do. You and others on this board might be angry at me for writing this, but the truth must be told, and sometimes the truth hurts.

I truly feel this is what Mari must do, and for those of you who are friends with her, I hope you will help her come to this conclusion. She is probably scared and unwilling to accept this reality, God knows I would be too, but I feel this is the only way she can get on with her life.

nt

but how does staying at home with her husband while bill go unpaid help anybody. I don't she will be able to help her husband get over his severe depression without professional help, and if the only way to receive that help is to put him in a pyschiatric hospital, then so be it. I only want whats best for Mari, and Im sorry if I sound hurtful, but this, I feel, is the best way to do it.

It's someone else's truth and reality. Your feelings of what "is best" don't really enter into it, even understanding that you think that you "want what's best for Mari".

Ease up. Self-bootstrapping and strangers-browbeating are two very different things.

but if you feel I am, then what do you think is the truth, and what do you think she should do about it?

Not about my feelings or yours.

but I dont think Will Pitt writing about her situation will help her husband overcome his depression.

The thread is about an offer Will Pitt is making, not whether you think that will help Mari's husband's depression.

and with that, Im going to bed. I wish Mari the best of luck, and hopefully people will begin to see Im right, and can begin to help her, help her husband to overcome his depression.

... to her thread too.

How insulting!

:shrug:

He is not doing this on purpose, he is not being irresponsible, he needs some help. And yes, Mari needs some help, as well.

So, where can she go? Quite realistically, Anyone...???

if his depression is that debelitating, then she needs to drive him to the hospital and have him admitted to the pyschiatric ward. While kind words of comfort Im sure are helpful to her, they do not help to alleviate her husband's depression.

There are really very few, if any, places for her to "take" him, if they could take him.

I pretty sure his symptoms classify as clinical depression, in which case just about any pyschiatric hospital will take him.

as are my four aunts-all of whom are Dems and hate this war. They are scattered throughout the Midwest, South, and West coast-if she is near any of them, I'm sure I could enlist their aid.

A certain Senator's office is being kept apprised of developments. The same certain Senator's office who somehow heard about Mari's other boy who they were going to ship off when he had only a couple days left of service but was somehow saved.....;-)

Some work quietly and without headlines. You'd be amazed at just how much can be accomplished in this manner.

Julie--under the radar

n/t

It seems to me she's scared for you to tell her story. What kind of support does she need to be guaranteed in order to go forward with it?

It is all her call. I can fill a particular niche. Sometimes, lighting a fire is the best way to protect the forest. It's her call, and I am here.

My husband was hospitalized for depression after attempting suicide 6 years ago. I know how desperate you feel when you see the person you love sinking deeper and deeper into blackness, and you can't do anything to stop it, other than being there to try and stop him from hurting himself. I blamed myself for not being with my husband the day his breakdown occurred. I had talked him into returning to work. It wasn't my fault. took me a long time to realize that. By watching him like a hawk, I was prolonging the situation instead of actually helping him. Even today, with my husband being completely back to his normal self, I worry any time he is in a bad mood that the depression will return - that it will all happen again. In some ways, typical clinical depression is easier than situational depression. You can take meds and feel better when depression is caused by a cheimical embalance, but there's not much you can do when your loved one is dying on the inside because of a situation that you have no control over. That was my husband's case, and it is Mari's husband's case.

Mari333 probably is incapable at this point of even verbalizing what she needs. You shut that part of yourself down when you are in this type of situation. You are operating on autopilot. If you stop for one second and think about your own needs, you will lose it. Guys, just be there for her if she needs to talk. Listen, don't offer advice unless she asks for it. Trust me, she has played every possible scenario in her head. She is running game plans in her head 24/7 if she is like I was. What she needs to know is that people out there are simply thinking of her and caring about her and her family.

What are you going to do, pay her to let you write about her son?

Should you have taken this to PM?

I hope Mari333 replies to Will.
Hopefully, if she can take some action and see a good outcome it would help.

reason not to take this PM! And it worked! I am curious about this upcoming expose and startling new revelations; particularly how mari is any different than 130000 other families that are suffering through this pathetic nightmare of a "war". Maybe Pitt does have the goods! What could possibly be there be that she hasnt put on these boards? One can only wonder; I look forward to the article. Come on mari, let him spill the the beans. We await All New revelations.

There are 130,000 other families with horror stories. I belong to www.mfso.org, and know of a man whose son is there and whose wife wont even function at this point because of it. He is beside himself.
People integrate stress and change differently. I get mad, I have also been in counseling. My way of coping is to fight like a banshee. Other people take it in, and hold in their feelings. That can lead to negative thinking and spiral one into depression that can be debilitating.
Everyone is different.
There are thousands of horror stories, not just mine, I know. This country, right now, is loaded with them.

Please respond to Will, Mari.....:hug:

Jenn

But for the life of me I can't figure out why you posted this in public. Seems as if that puts an undue amount of pressure on Mari. I keep trying to assume that there are details I'm not privy to (no reason that I should be) that would serve to explain it, but I can't imagine what they might be.

I wish Mari and hers the best, and you too Will.

despite some negative history (along with lots of positive history), I consider us "cyber-friends".

Mari333 needs to decide what's best for her and her family, absent any public pressure... and this is pressure.

I really appreciate your desire to help. I hope she'll let you. But please don't challenge her publicly like this.

I wish Mari and hers the best, and Will, as well.

That says it for me.

:kick:

Please, some of you, understand I worked on getting a counselor for me, which led to a series of events that got a counselor for my husband. We had to work our way into the system, and now we are getting some counseling started for his clinical depression, which, isnt like regular depression but can be debilitating I can see to the point of being unable to get on your own 2 feet without help. My husband is a nice man, hes just physically emaciated from the depression and hes working on that now. He loves me, wants to get it together, and even he didnt realize how debilitated he was until I intervened. I guess he has a family history of depression.
So, I am hoping when I see my counselor she can suggest some form of Medicaire if I cant pay for what he needs. I cant keep surviving on the bills as they are , and I will do my best. I had to keep the heat up this winter for him because he was so emaciated. That meant high gas bills this past winter. and other things.
Today will be tough, I am saying goodbye to my 4 cats, who I can no longer take care of properly. I dont believe in having animals if you can no longer give them full attention.
Or enjoy them.
So a lady I know is taking them, for their own good, where they will be happier.
Im not going to do victim status, I refuse to do that, I will fight for what I have to do to survive, as we all do.
I called the Red Cross and sent this information forward to them to send forward to the unit Michael is in via the channels needed.
The Abu Ghraib 24/7 news put my husband over the edge.
Thats why he spiralled downward, and went under.
So, now I keep the news OFF. If he chooses to ever watch it, theres nothing I can do, but I can see hes not choosing to watch it as much.
I hope he recovers soon.
Im just exhausted, and dont have the luxury of posting on here like I want to. I used to, but not anymore. Maybe again when life sorts itself out.
Edit to add: I am working on a job. I tried to get one as an activities director, and I had it, dammit, but the state said I needed to spend 1800 dollars to be certified first. damn.
Then I decided to take a course in June, which I will, for 2 weeks, to get a CNA lisence, and I have to drive about 30 miles a day for 2 weeks to get it. all the Fine arts I took in college wont get me jackshit in this area I live in, its all service jobs for the wealthy.
I dont care, I can work any job.
I am also working on shmoozing my way into working as a tutor. I dont know how that will pan out.
First things first tho. This week get my husband into the "system" so I can get some help for him. I am on anti anxiety meds, which I hate, but I need them for now.
so thats where its at til I can get some work . I am selling everything I own , cept for some stuff I am keeping for the kids, that should help out too. I dont need all this crap anyway.

since the 90s. Great times, and hard times. Great times before the Bush administration took over the country. Now, not so great.
I wont expend my energy on here tho, if you attempt to attack me. That is inapprpriate. I am too tired for that shit.
I only came on to check the forums this morning, while my husband is sleeping, and to check the news. I did not know this thread would be here, and I responded to it.
I am off the forums now for a while, for my own sanity and well being.
If anyone who knows me personally on here wants to PM me, Ill be checking for friends. In the meantime, Im off, have to say goodbye to my cats and find someone to take my bird, and work on a lot of other things today.
I see you have the luxury of attacking people, have fun. Im not going to grace you with any more responses, my energy is too low.

That in Michaels last email he said "Im tired of being mortared and I hope they stop lobbing mortars in here" which is what is going on at Abu Ghraib. I did NOT tell my husband about that email He does NOT need to know this right now. The powder keg thats erupting now is disastrous, or could be. I like to believe that someone in the top brass will get the reservists and guard OUT of there. I cant even take the time to grieve the kid myself, Im too busy trying to get thru this psychiatric assesment with my husband and keep myself from panicking, and get on my feet again.
When I have a moment, Ill allow myself to fall apart. So dont be too harsh. If Michael wasnt at Abu Ghraib, and he was stationed somewhere else, it might be a hell of a lot easier..
if he was stationed in the STATES where army reservists should be now, and not standing in a country we attacked for no damn reason, and cant come home because of the unmitigated arrogance and ignorance of the Bush administration, none of this would have happened.
again, as I have stated before,
God damn Bush and everyone in his administration.

This is not the proper way to get in touch with her.