REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE - CONVENTION SCHEDULE

- New York, NY

06:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell
06:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
06:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
06:45 PM Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"
06:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
07:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
07:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
07:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
08:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
08:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
08:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"
08:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
08:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The government of the future
09:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' That Man"
09:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
09:10 PM EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause Of Forest Fires"
09:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak Made Easy"
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain On Our Nation's Economy."
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult"
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

thanks to Cody Judy....

..this is like the 5th time i've seen it here on DU in a week, twice today...still funny though!