CNN: Shrub's Handlers Debated How To Handle Reagan Death

The only Republican President to serve two full terms in nearly 50 years now lies 6 feet under the ground, and if current polls are any indication the fortunes of the Republican Party are right there in the box with him.

No wonder this thing was dragged out for a full week. The most successful politician the GOP has managed to come up with in decades lies dead, and all they have to replace this fallen giant is a half-mad genetic cast-off of the already DNA challenged Bush clan, plus the small circle of aging crooks that handle the simpering bed wetter.

Faced with a political disaster on the magnitude of 1992 or worse, the inner circle debated long and hard on how exactly to best maximize the Gipper's last moments above the cold hard ground. Karl Rove, apparently with strong backing from Dick Cheney, is rumored to have gone so far as to suggest mummification of the deceased former leader of the free world as a possible way of keeping the Reagan story on cable news throughout the 2004 election cycle.

In a moment of inspiration typical of the kinds of efforts that have earned Mr. Rove the well-deserved moniker of "Boy Genius," the scenario proposed that a properly preserved Mr. Reagan could be displayed in the capitol of each state he won in the 1984 elections, thus allowing every citizen in America (excepting the shameful residents of Minnesota), the opportunity to personally thank the deceased president for his greatness in service to the land we love and free peoples everywhere.

Unfortunately the plan was nixed by the Reagan family.

However, a fallback design has been crafted, and look for the roll-out to begin in the next several weeks. Utilizing 3-D projection technology being made available by a remorseful Michael Eisner and the Disney people, Karl Rove is endeavoring to create a voodoo-like death cult around Mr. Reagan, complete with Red State testimonials of quasi-religious sightings in super markets aisles and Wal*Mart parking lots. "If it worked for Elvis," chuckles Mr. Rove, "it can certainly work for the Bush campaign!"

Canard News Service

Thank you.

will avail them little. Chimpie is going down in flames.
Bush's handlers have so screwed things up, that even a cult worship and a Gipper Shroud of Turin won't fix it.

If it were not so pathetic it's be funny,..... say this is not a joke is it?

I think this story is a canard...

LOL! Very funny!

Thanks!

A frightening world when you consider that I'm not *entirely* sure this is all a parody.

Reagan be taken by train back to California, in order to milk another week out of the ordeal! Poor ole Nancy would have made it only as far as Kansas City, I think.... (perhaps that's what they were counting on-- a first lady funeral to tag onto the whole ordeal?)

Such bad karma they've been collecting! It WILL come due, shortly...