My moderate friend sends me this offensive Ant story

> Forgetting about Democrats and Republicans for a minute, this certainly
>has
> > a ring of truth to it doesn't it?
> >
> >
> > The Ant and the Grasshopper
> >
> >
> > OLD VERSION:
> >
> >
> > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house
> > and laying up supplies for the winter.
> >
> > The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
> > summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
> >
> > The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
> >
> > MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible
> >
> >
> > MODERN VERSION:
> >
> >
> > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house
> > and laying up supplies for the winter.
> >
> > The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and pl! ays the
> > summer away.
> >
> > Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
>demands
> > to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
>others
> > are cold and starving.
> >
> > CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper
> > next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
>with
> > food.
> >
> > America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
>country
> > of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
> >
> > Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries
> > when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
> >
> > Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
>the
> > news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then
>has
> > the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
> >
> > Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings
>that
> > the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
>for
> > an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
> >
> > Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
> > retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
>failing
>to
> > hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
>pay
> > his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
> >
> > Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation
> > suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal
>judges
> > that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
> >
> > The ant loses the case.
> >
> > The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
>the
> > ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be
>the
> > ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
> >
> > The ant has disappeared in the snow.
> >
> > The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
>now
> > abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
> > peaceful neighborhood.
> >
> > MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican



Now, I'm sure this was sent in jest, which is why I hesitate to send an angry response. This story seems to assume that the people using our government programs are lazy, don't work, and don't want to better themselves, when quite the opposite is true. This story also assumes that the wealthiest individuals in this country already pay their fair share of taxes (they don't), and we want to take more than their fair share from them (we don't). If you work hard in this country, invest wisely, you are not going to pay a bigger share of taxes than anyone else. The taxes you DO pay are not given to lazy, dancing poor people.

On another note, I notice that Jesse Jackson makes an appearance. Is this a not-so-subtle reference to the grasshopper being a lazy minority??

re-send the story but edit it to point out the deficiences of the other side of the argument. This reallly pissed them off.

But, I really suck at archive searching... sorry

What makes you think it was sent in jest?

is extremely upset at Bush. Has a lot of pug friends though, who probably get a kick out of how fucking accurate this story is. /sarcasm

maybe they have heard this one too....

Once upon a time there lived a vain Emperor whose only worry in life was to dress in elegant clothes. He changed clothes almost every hour and loved to show them off to his people.
Word of the Emperor's refined habits spread over his kingdom and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the Emperor's vanity decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the gates of the palace with a scheme in mind.

"We are two very good tailors and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."

the rest at: http://www.deoxy.org/emperors.htm

I think we know how this one ends -- Kerry wins in a landslide. Moral of the story: Have some frickin' morals!

A worker ant, was tired and hungry having never had a day off in his life. Being more individualistic then most ants he thought he might see if he could at least get one more meager ration of ant food from the army ants that ran the ant colony. Walking up to a mean looking soldier ant doling out ant food he asked, "Please sir can I have another?". The soldier ant panicked never having heard a worker ask such a seditious question before. He immediately called on the police ants to round up all worker ants and imprison them. Of course this brought out the reporter gnats to cover the new rebellion.
Pat "the Bear" Buchanan announces on CNN that these are obviously red ants and calls for a Republican Jihad on all liberal influences in ant colonies.
Ken "the Anteater" Starr starts an investigation that consumes fifty-million portions of ant food and is still ongoing four years later. Several lurid stories of ant sex parties suddenly show up in the press
Corporate Cockroaches raid the ant colony assets and outsource the food making operation "off shore" (the other side of the stream) where they can get cheap brown ant labor.
Dan Quayle asks why are "Aunts" working when they should be home baking cookies.
Pat Robertson asks who is perverting the good drone mentality of the worker ants. He then blames the grasshopper and uses his political action group "The Moral Mites" to spread his message via e-mail.
George W. Bush stops by to mumble a few words in ant speak before rushing off to raise campaign funds and party at the local W.A.S.P. nest.
Meanwhile most of the ant colony is dead anyway because of toxic bear shit floating downstream. Reaganites declare that this is a normal phase of a market economy and proves Reagan's trickle down theory really works.
Rush Limbaugh argues that bear shit is actually good for the stream.

More jokes here: http://ediablo.com/ediablojokes.html


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http://ediablo.com/eDiabloGallery.html

Once there were two citizens: the Democrat and the Republican. The Democrat got involved in being a citizen and studied the hard issues of the day, taking responsibility for what was around him. The Republican didn't feel like doing that and had to try to make up some dumb-ass fictional fairy tale about a grasshopper to justify his sorry ass. Everyone thought he was a fuckwad, and there was visual proof of that because his 300-pound fat ass was so repulsive to look at, plus he stank like the crumbs of all the stale and rotting snack foods that were trapped in the crevices of his ever-so-stationary blob of a body. None of this apparently mattered to him because he was a social retard.

Moral of the story: vote Democratic.

the grasshopper called a Board of Directors meeting, got himself a golden parachute, sold out his share of stock, raided the company coffers and laid off the poor ant. At least that's the way I've always seen the worker ant treated.

The once was a rich and powerful ant, who through the industry of his father, inherited a massive fortune. He controlled more wealth than the 1,000,000 other ants who toiled for him, helping him to maintain and even improve his massive fortune. Even though he had never broke a sweat in his entire life, he ate the finest foods, drank the finest wines, and lived in the most opulant of anthills, with servants tending to his every need.

But this ant was an exceptionally greedy ant. He wasn't content with his fortune, and wanted more and more. He decided he was feeding his fellow ants too much and demanded that they continue working for him for less food or he would fire them all and hire foreign ants to replace them. The poor ants had little choice but to accept his offer or starve.

However, with less food, his workers began to be fatigued and less efficient, and soon food production dropped. The angry ant then demanded that his ants work longer hours, to make up for their decreased production. But when his workers still couldn't meet their quotas, the ant grew angry and cut their food even further. Soon, the worker ants began dying of starvation. As food production dropped further and further, the ant gave his workers less and less food so he could still maintain his comfortable lifestyle.

But soon, all the workers were dead. The rich heir ant still had enough food to last him 1,000,000 lifetimes, more than he would ever be able to consume alone, but with no workers to guard him, a neighboring colony invaded and killed him.

Moral of the story: Take care of your workers. Vote Democratic.

There are two things to note right off the bat. First, grasshoppers have such a short lifespan that it would do them no good to store up food for the winter; they'd be dead of grasshopper old age by then. Ants live long enough for it to be a good idea for them to store up food. Second, ants are Communists. They share the food that is brought in, regardless of whether they were the one to bring it in. This second point shoots down this little fable with one shot--the writer seems to be saying that sharing is a bad thing, but the very insect he has chosen as a model shares with everybody in his social system. Ants are not responsible for themselves, they are responsible to their whole society.


The new version has left out a lot of very loud voices in the present American landscape:

Rush Limbaugh says that it's because they don't store up food that grasshoppers lifespan is so short (because he knows diddly about science). 200,000 Rush listeners immediately parrot the same thing (because they don't know diddly about anything).

Sean Hannity says it's a good thing grasshoppers die young; it's simple justice.

Jerry Falwell says ants weren't Communistic until Bill Clinton showed them how to be.

Pat Robertson devotes a show to the plight of the ants while he tries to find a way to make a buck for himself off the food the ants store up.

Trent Lott suggests the real problem is that the grasshoppers want to date the ants, and such mixing "isn't good for the moral health of this nation".

G. Gordon Liddy and Ollie North both say that if the ants were armed with assault rifles, as is their right, there would be no problem.

Bill O'Reilly devotes a show to the subject during which he comes up with not a single new idea, but does manage to cut off the mikes of the grasshoppers while screaming "shut up", "shut up" at them.

Michael Savage becomes apoplectic during his show, ending finally with what sounds like "Kill all the grasshoppers. They're green. Kill them. Green. Kill. Kill."

The House Democrats see this as a natural situation, and not a problem. They introduce a bill to this effect. Tom DeLay bottles the bill up in committee and says "It will never come to the floor of the House for a vote".

George W. Bush promises to veto the Democrats' bill if it ever reaches his desk. He comes up with a plan where any food the grasshoppers have is taken from them and given to the ant queen, with the proviso that she must not share it with the other ants. This bill is rushed through congress and signed into law.

Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Times lead the cheer for the leadership Bush has shown on this issue. The other newspapers and TV networks follow suit the next day, proclaiming Bush "A genius at insect economics".

is that they have found a way to make Communism work. They don't work for themselves, they work for the collective entity, which then provides for all their social welfare. Grasshoppers are rugged individuals.

Why don't you ask your friend whether he really believes so strongly in Communism, why he hates America so much, and wouldn't he prefer to live in Cuba.:evilgrin:

I posted something to it, so if you can search for my username, one of my posts should be on a thread for exactly the same e-mail and there was some good stuff there.

Sorry, I haven't had the $$ to donate to DU yet, so I don't have search capability to link you directly to the thread.

On Edit: Now that I look at it more closely, I'm not sure it was the exact same e-mail - I don't remember Jesse Jackson being in it. But it might be worth a look anyway.

When Autumn arrives, the Queen decides to move the anthill to Mexico because the ants will work for half the food. She sells half the food and makes a killing.

The ant freezes to death.

Moral: Don't vote Republican.

I'd write back.

There once was a colony of fire ants that lived in harmony in the median of a busy highway. One day a delegation of brown ants cam calling. They told the fire ants that they were in this country illegally, having arrived from South America without visas, and that they would have to leave. The brown ants told the fire ants that they were unfit to live in the median because they spoke a funny language, had a different skin color and worshipped the wrong God.

The fire ants replied that it was they who are always called on to repel the invading wasps and that the brown ants think they are too good to perform the traditional ant tasks of disposing of dead insect bodies and assorted road kill.

The brown ants said that if the fire ants would just support tax cuts for brown ants, the lives of the fire ants would be miraculously improved.

The fire ants thought about this -- and then ate the brown ants.

Moral of the story: Don't mess with fire ants.

What can I say. When you have to pay your taxes, you think "if it was not for the workless, I'd pay less".

2 comments on this:

1/ it means you don't think you ever could become jobless.. and that quite stupid in these times.

2/ If the BA didn't invade Iraq without a good reason, there would be BILLIONS of dollars for the workless that YOU shouldn't pay for.

But that's just my 0.02€ (cynically) :-)

CU
Y

Some nondescript animals symbolizing one side of an argument do good deeds, and ONLY good deeds, and they are THE ONLY ONES who do good deeds, with no moral abiguity whatsoever.

Some nondescript animals symbolizing another side of an argument do bad deeds, and ONLY bad deeds, and they are THE ONLY ONES who do bad deeds, with no moral abiguity whatsoever.

Things happen to "good deed" side, probably including some adversity. The outcome for them is good.

Things happen to "bad deed" side, probably including some adversity. The outcome for them is bad.

The End
Moral of the story: support or emulate the "good deed" side.

What's the matter? Generic version a little bland? Needs more details to be entertaining? So does politics, and the outcome usually counts for more. Leave the ant stories to the pre-schoolers, and tackle the details like a grown-up.

Ants live in a totalitarian state, completely in thrall to a ruling Queen.
If that is your idea of a Republican paradise then I'M PROUD TO BE A GRASSHOPPER!!