"To My Husband" | by Mari333 - Democratic Underground

nostamj

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Sat Aug-28-04 10:26 AM
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"To My Husband" | by Mari333

Edited on Sat Aug-28-04 10:50 AM by nostamj

Mari sent me this remembrance earlier this morning and asked that I share it with her friends here on DU.

If you'd like to help, please check http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x2275445">this thread for updated information about DU's outreach to Mari333 and her family.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

To My Husband.

My darling, this morning I wake up and dont see you come down the stairs and smile at me, and say "good morning". I dont see you making coffee, in your beige pants, your shirt that says "Anyone But Bush 2004" on it, I dont see you walking by me and smiling and taking our dogs outside , and I cant ask you "did you get an email from Michael today?"

I wont hear you say "I didn't, I did, " or "Not yet, I'm about to check I'll send it to you and let you know right away."

I wont be able to watch Jon Stewart with you tonight, and we cant both lie on the bed and laugh at his jokes, and I can't laugh with you anymore when we stand in the kitchen and remark to each other how stupid and inane the news was, or how angry we both are.

You were always so quiet, my darling. Even tho we read the same books, and believed so strongly about the end of this bloodbath in Iraq, and fought so hard together to get Bush out of office, and have all his friends thrown in jail for sending Michael away , for sending all of those children to Iraq for nothing, you held so much in, you held so much sadness inside and you didnt tell me, really, how terribly sad you were. You and I were different, because I couldnt lay down and cry all the time, I had to stand up and get mad, I had to scream from rooftops, I had to shout and fight and bellow my anger. You held it in. You were kind, and gentle, and filled with rage, but it ate you up inside, it ate you up.

You got in that car, and drove off in that rainstorm. Your sadness and despair must have been beyond my comprehension. I tried, my dearest heart, to understand, to understand the nights you tucked Michael into bed, and played with him, the nights I remember you and Michael sitting by the firepit and talking, the nights you told me about when you played with your son as a child, when he would pretend to be a "cop" and pull out his toy gun and say "Freeze, Please!" and how you laughed at that son, and what an angel he was to you.

I wonder, in your deepest heart, in your deepest soul, in your deepest spirit, if you knew that the only way for your son, your son who you loved more then anything, I wonder if you knew your own death was the only way for him to come home. A life for a life. This is what I wonder, my gentle man.

I wonder if you knew this would bring your son back.

My darling, my soul, my heart of hearts, I can feel you there with me. I know you want me to fight. Remember we promised each other once we would take care of the children if one of us went first? I will take care of Michael when he comes back, I promise. I will take care of your daughter too. I will do what has to be done.

I will fight. I know that your greatest wish would be to keep Michael home and never send him back to that hellhole he should have never gone to in the first place. I know your second wish is that I still fight and the world fights to remove George Bush and the rest of them from the White House.

I know you want to see them all in jail. I will fight for that. I will not stop fighting.

I asked you the other day "why do you love me so much?" and you told me "Many things".."But I'm so angry and I am so full of rage and I am always fighting on all these quests and political forums and writing letters and protesting..doesnt that make you tired, just watching me?"
You said "thats why I love you, thats one of the reasons."

Okay, my sweet wonderful man, I will keep fighting. More now, then ever.

Michael should have never gone to Iraq.

You should not have had to die to get him home.

You should not have had to cry even one minute for your son this year.

You should not have had to lay in bed and weep all those times I saw you .

You should have spent the summer with Michael playing baseball and having family dinners.

You should have had a family dinner on your birthday in June , with Michael at your side.

I will fight, my dearest heart, for you. I will fight to keep Michael home, and to do what you wished, your last wish, that Bush be thrown out of the White House with the rest of them, and your son stay home, and that justice be done.

My husband, my soul, my most beautiful, gentle , kind man. I'm so sorry I could not stop this war, I'm so sorry I could not keep you from crying and hurting for your son, I'm so sorry I could not do this. I tried.

I will be with you someday, I will cross over and see you again.

Until then, goodnight my husband. You called me your angel many times. You may never have known this , or believed it, but you always were my angel, also.

I will stay on this side and fight.

You can be my angel now, Michael's angel, and an angel for your daughter and my sons.
Help me fight, help me fight for truth now, Scott. Be there with me, and help me fight against the cruelty and meanness that hurt your heart when you lost your son to this fake war, and help me fight for the families who are also hurting like you did.

All the tears that flowed from your eyes when you thought of all the families of the soldiers that died, the tears that flowed when you thought of the Iraqi parents who lost their children and loved ones.

Help them, now, where you are. You are more powerful then me now.

You are in the light of beauty, truth, and goodness. You are a part of a great light that can shine into the souls and bring goodness to so many.

You are in absolute Love.

Absolute Love and compassion will always conquer the cruelty, the greed, the horror, the meanness, the anger, the evil that is on this earth, that which led to your death, that which sent your son to Iraq for nothing, that which tried to destroy this family.

You are Pure, my sweetest friend, my best friend, you are Pure Compassion and Goodness now, and I ask for your help, to help me fight the evil that, like a dark and ugly cloud, hangs over the earth, and has hurt so many and continues to hurt so many.

It killed you, my sweet man.

But it did not kill your spirit. Help me now to fight.

I will always love you. Intertwine your soul with mine, to fight the evil of this war, and the horror that it is causing so many.

My angel, you are my angel now.