I just got a freep submission at work!

I work for a publishing company and one of my editorial responsibilities is to review the avalanche of unsolicited submissions that come in from people who *think* they can write.

One just landed on my desk..."You might be a Democrat if..."

OK, guys, HAVE AT. I want the snarkiest comments EVER for the rejection letter. This is gonna feel good.

Payback's a bitch.

It's most likely a list of exaggerations and false stereotypes.

'course it would be righteously funny if he got righteously DUed.

I was taken aback by the visual quality of your submission. We typically see writing of this caliber in Crayon.

If you are paranoid, meglomaniac, dry drunk who speaks at the fifth grade level.

DDQM

...if you are delusional enough to think a company such as ______ would dream of publishing such poor quality work.

chimpy has gotten smarter then. :)

Welcome to DU, mr_du04!

I'm sure he will get a 6 figure advance.

literacy test for voting - otherwise you wold be forced to forward this sample to their respective polling place...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, we have a policy that allows us to only print submissions that the submitter actually wrote. Submissions that a submitter would like to get credit for writing are prohibited by this policy. Since the piece you wrote has been seen by nearly anyone with an Internet connection, we feel it will be too difficult to confirm that you are indeed the author of this submission, so please do not respond by forwarding that witty "Why Clinton is responsible for 9/11?" article.

Sincerly yours
someone who can read *AND* write

We actually have prepared guidelines on submitting compiled material. With 5 minutes' work I could show this yobbo up for the unoriginal moron he is...and scare him with the idea that he could be sued for plagiarism.

Put the fear of God in him. I'm sure he probably considers himself a true believer. :evilgrin:

Suggest you submit to Regnery Publishing and/or electroshock therapy.

I already know I'm a Democrat.

XXX

"for a modest fee can print 50,000 copies of your work, which you can then sell out of the trunk of your car. I suggest you market this book to your target audience, which will be primarily Fox viewers, white trash, and Americans with IQ's of 90 and below. Best wishes, and have a great road trip!"

"Dear contributor:

They say that a million monkeys in front of a million keyboards will eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare. Thank you for showing me what one monkey can do with one keyboard. I have always wanted to know."

Things you have to believe to be a republican today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with Vietnam and China is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war which kills thousands is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 80s is irrelevant.

--Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least ten other people we're likely to be stuck with * for 4 more years. Friends don't let friends vote republican.

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

If you have sent us an email that is not originally authored by yourself and therefor plagaristic, this might be a rejection letter.

If you are lacking original thought, this might be a rejection letter.

If you have a hard time spelling the word "rejection", this very well could be a R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N letter.

and so on...

Please note that it is a violation of federal copyright laws to copy material already broadcast repeatedly as 'commentary' on Fox news. Despite our diligent search we were unable to find any original material in your text. We recomend that you turn off your television and try reading something.

Unfortunately, due your heavy use of copyright infringement we are having the same classification problems with your work that we have with the original material. It is unclear whether it is intended to be fiction, non-fiction or comedy. Ultimately, it lacks the firm qualifications for all three catagories. As fiction is lacks plot, substance or style. As non-fiction it lacks any semblance of truth. As comedy it displays all the humor of a middle aged man who still says, "pull my finger."


Edit: fixed a typo. Probably more I missed. Oh well.

eom.

What sort of books are their specialties?

High end, some cutting edge stuff.

I am the proud author of The Little Black Book of Cocktails and A Lover's Guide to the Kama Sutra, among others.

PM me if you want to order :evilgrin:

Popular Mechanics or Soap Opera Digest.

:nuke: I've never gotten anything like that before.