I feel like I'm in some kind of dream world today

I stayed up all night on the 2nd as did a lot of people, going through the whole gamut of emotions.

On the morning of the 3rd, the news reported that John Kerry had called Bush and conceded. I will never ever forget that moment for the rest of my life. I literally fell to my knees and cried.

I worked so hard and gave so much, just like so many others here at DU. It feels like it was in vain, despite what others may be saying. Who knows, maybe eventually I will feel that it was worthwhile too. Right now I don't. I feel like all of our efforts fell short when our representatives ignored BBV and the threat of election fraud. I feel like we did a fine job in uniting the chickenhawks, racists and homophobes against us.

I cannot express how angry, defeated, frustrated and hopeless I feel. If I had medical insurance I would go to the doctor and get an anti-depressant to help me through these times, but alas I don't and probably won't in the foreseeable future.

Yesterday, after Kerry conceded, I have never in my life felt so defeated. I felt like I had been punched in the gut - I literally had the wind knocked out of me. I paced around, I cried. I called my mom in Michigan and we cried together. I dreaded having to explain to my children what had happened (they're 6 and 9, oldest is very political). I debated if I wanted to watch Kerry's concession speech. I was angry with him for giving up. I decided I needed to see it and hear what he had to say, so I went and laid down in bed to watch. I flipped on CSPAN while I waited and listened to the callers. Every caller for Kerry sounded exactly how I felt - shock, sadness and defeat was evident in their UNHEARD voices. Many said they didn't feel that people understood the enormity of what had just happened. The few Bush callers' voices dripped with hate and bigotry... "I voted for Bush because I'm tired of them teaching that homosexuality is normal in schools and Kerry loves the gay people" was a real call.

I watched Kerry's speech. When he choked up as he thanked all of his supporters, I cried again. Then I went to sleep and slept until 5 am today - my wonderful and equally hurt supportive husband understood completely that I couldn't face the world yesterday.

Now today is a new day, and I still don't want to face the world. I have to though - I have two little boys who are growing up in a country that doesn't care if they eventually die in a war, or have health insurance, a job when they're grown or social security when they're old... it only cares that they grow up to be straight and to hate gay people. I have to pull myself together for them, because my husband and I are all they have. Their country turned it's collective back on them.

Today I feel as if I'm in a dream. It's like a movie and it feels scripted. 9/11 felt like that too. Wonder why.

I woke up this morning and honestly thought I was going to turn on the news and find out it was all a nightmare.
Either I have not woke up or it is truely nightmare that we must live in.

Same Director and Producer.

We all worked so hard and it looked as though we'd been able to make a difference. And we all believed that the American people were not that dumb. We all believed that Kerry had won the debates and that the 70 million who watched them knew the right course to take. We all believed the endorsements of generals, ambassadors and print media would make a difference. We all believed the many, many voices of celebrities, musicians, world leaders, F 9/11 and the many, many books and articles about the lies, deceit and murderous ways of the bush administration had awoken a sleeping giant in this country.

But when we woke up yesterday, we realized that we'd been wrong. And that in, and of itself, is what is so hard to swallow right now. How could all of us - who had worked so hard - been so wrong?

This election is something I will have a very hard time getting over and getting past. It's totally shocking to me and knowing that this country could not see the truth, well that really hurts me deeply. And it's a hurt that I don't know I can ever get past. I will try, but I have lost my faith in the system, in the media, and worst of all, in the people of this country.

the greatest possible degree. For your children's sake I wish you a speedy recover. Your children are indeed fortunate to have a mother like you.

I know a disaster has happened, and I'm still trying to get my mind around it.

I've always believed that the bigots and homophobes and racists were a small angry minority in our country. While I know I'm left of left I also believe that most people were in the middle with a "live and let live" philosophy which by in large is true here in Minneapolis. I now am seriously thinking that sadly we are in the minority. That a majority of Americans are angry selfish xenophobic knuckledraggers. And that is a hard hard pill to swallow.


edit spelling

an almost post traumatic shock type of feeling. I couldn't watch the concession, just could not, was at friend's for few moments rest, when it came on, bless her, she changed channels.

i rode around for 7hrs yesterday, after sobbing upon rising to the news of the theft, again.
I put a sign in my car window:

America Died
Nov.2, 2004
RIP

You know what's ironic and truly sad, no one really noticed my sign, no reactions. But when I was leaving my friend's home, 2 bus loads of kids were let out, and they noticed. I thought for a moment, damn, I'll upset these kids. Then I changed my mind. Let their ignorant parents (friend lives in heavy area) explain what that lady's sign in her car window meant. Let their parents explain how they cared so little about their future that they threw it away so they can keep buying new clothes and suv's and houses and pools and vacations, to impress their friends and feel superior over the financially poor.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
I will keep fighting, for my grandson and all that want a caring and hope filled future. For the children of all on this Earth.

Hang in there non, you are not alone, and the shock and pain will ease in time. Nothing, is permanent.

Take care and stay safe.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

but know you are not alone. I too am in shock and feel completly sick about the whole thing.

Tuesday, 11/2/04, and it was ripped from my hands. All the posts on DU looked so promising, the polls looked promising. It was within reach. The nightmare of four years was nearly over. I could exhale. Maybe it would be some damage control but nothing would be permanent.

Today, it's different, much different. The New Deal is moribund and ready for burial. The Great Society is a failed experiment. And I am about to introduced into a Christian theocracy resembling A Handmaid's Tale, It Can't Happen Here, and Elmer Gantry. I can't predict if I'll be employed consistently for the next four years, where I'll be living, or what kind of life I'll endure when I'm a senior citizen, not to mention watching the mentality of this country change from caring citizens to "I got mine, you get yours".

Wish it were hyperbole. Gotta fight to at least slow it down.

Thank heavens for loving others that support us at this moment in time. I feel just like you and what you have wrote. Only difference, I'm taking another day off.

Welcome one and all to REAL, "SHOCK AND AWE"!

no jobs for the old, no health insurance, and ss will be gone before I can collect in 9 years. They will have spent it on bombs and religion schools.

When I joined DU back in the lead-up to the Iraq war, this was my island of sanity. Once again, it's become my lifeline. I don't think I could get through this without the understanding and support of the fine people here at DU who DO understand the enormity of what has happened. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

the deep pain that we litle people are suffering. Yesterday was the worst day of my life, and I've lived a pretty hard life.

Suffered my first and I pray to God only full-fledged panic attack...I couldn't breathe, then hyperventilated, my heart rate went crazy, I threw up several times. I finally got some sleep and I'm at least able to breathe now.

My children are cannon fodder now. Everything I believed in has been corrupted. There is not one single "leader" with enough guts to tell the truth about stolen elections. I am living in an insane world.

Many thanks to all of you who understand what really happened yesterday. I know that I'm not alone, but somehow that is not enough. I really don't know how to get through this...just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I guess.

I'm not a prolific poster, and I tend to come out and speak my mind only when I feel that I can be of some use. But I've been around on this and other boards since '99. I always had hope before. Even through the first election theft. Even after that immoral Iraq war resolution. Even yesterday I had hope, until I saw that first post about the concession.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I love you people.

HOUSE: New 7R, 6D. Cynthia McKinney
overwhelmingly won back the seat she held for a
decade before being upset in 2002 Democratic
primary.

Day of the Dead: The Haunting of
the White House
By Cynthia McKinney and Catherine Austin
Fitts
Nov 2, 2004, 07:46

Something is rising from the ashes of September 11: the
spectre of questions that will haunt our country until answered.

http://www.axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/article_13213.shtml

Published: Nov 1, 2004
http://www.yubanet.com/artman/publish/article_14882.shtml
Grand jury investigation?
On behalf of New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, Chief Investigator William Casey
accepted a Complaint and Petition from a group of New York City citizens including 9/11 family
members, survivors and a Ground Zero triage physician. The Complaint demands that the AG open
a criminal inquiry and/or grand jury investigation into the many still unsolved crimes of September
11, 2001 over which he has jurisdiction.

Marsh opens $230m fund to appease Eliot Spitzer

By Simon English in New York (Filed: 03/11/2004)

Marsh & McLennan, the broker at the centre of America's
insurance scandal, is setting up a $230m compensation
fund as it tries to rescue its tarnished image.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtml?xml=/money/2004/11/03/cnmarsh03.xml&menuId=242&sSheet=/money/2004/11/03/ixcity.html

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