A few questions for our Great Moral Leader * ....

I recently received this missive from a confused friend in Ohio...

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and
understand why you would propose and support a
constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. As you
said, "In the eyes of God, marriage is between a man a
woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as
I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination . . . end of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
other elements of God's laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both
male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why
can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that a man is allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness--
Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, most women take offense
when they're asked if they're unclean.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord--Leviticus 1:9. The
problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing
to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask
the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish
is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser
abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you
settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that
I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or
is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if
I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as does his
wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of
thread (cotton-polyester blend). He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them
(Leviticus 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at
a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws (Leviticus 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus
enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us
that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

With endless respect,

A confused Ohio subject