Going to be in Hell this Thanksgiving!

Please give me advise on how to survive! I'm 23, my aunt and uncle who are REPUBLICANS will be having the thanksgiving dinner that we always have with my mom's side of them family.

I'm already sick to my stomach because I found out they are trying to run a scam were everyone chips in. Well the key issue is they have already asked my grandmother who is nearing her 80's to pay for stuff that she has already chipped in. They try to split the cost and then give back what money is left equally if they don't spend it.

It is kind of hard to explain and I only overheard them talking about it. There is more to this on why it is going to be hell. They have taken my grandmothers car that used to be my grandfathers, but he died of cancer. They told her that my cousin has a buyer for it, but then they never gave my grandmother the money. They basically took the car and when she asked them about it they tell her that they haven't talked to my cousin who had the buyer. BTW, there is more but if I went into details I would have 20 pages worth.

I'm also afraid if the subject comes up about the election I might punch them in the face. They believe Bush hasn't done anything wrong. This is going to be a very unhappy Thanksgiving. Worst of all my laptop crashed and I'm not even going to have it this thanksgiving.

Are your folks going to be there? Are they sympathetic?

Snarky comments under the breath to sympathizers, and a bit of extra wine can make such days far more tolerable.

Otherwise, you could just go in looking to cause trouble, but act innocent ... you know, wear a Kerry shirt, and if they give you grief, look all confused and say it's thanksgiving, you don't understand why they have to be so hateful, this should be a day to give thanks to ALL our politicians.

Also, you could take a notepad, and when they say stupid things, you could pull it out and take notes. "What? Oh, these are nothing. Just some notes I'm taking. No reason."

I hate it. Now, I can't say I have strong feelings about other methods of paying, but I have been burned by the "everybody chips in" both ways. The other is after a meal at a restaurant, they divide the bill by the number of people present. It's never talked about in advance, and it's always the one or two people who impressed you by ordering something really expensive who just "decide" that's how everyone will pay. But the chip-in before an event can be just as bad because the money almost never gets distributed totally afterward and, I've found, whomever is doing the shopping always manages to come up with bonus "taxes" like "Oh, and I must've gone to the store three different times to get all this stuff. Ten bucks should cover it for gas money..." etc.

PB

Just go and keep your trap shut. You are dealing with people who have NO IDEA. Just be cool.

This is a suggestion from a guy with rancid Republican parents.

Bring a list of topics to discuss besides politics. Switch the subject quickly every time it comes up. Others will thank you for it.

Tell your relatives you`re going to bypass the family meal and volunteer at the nearest soup kitchen this year. Being Moral Republicans, they`ll understand.

If there isn't a soup kitchen, stay home and DON'T feel guilty about it.

All of my older relatives were/are Republican (aunt, uncle, both parents). I stayed home one year rather than put up with all the crap. It was one of the least stressful Thanksgivings ever.

when we married 9 years ago. We have our own dinner with our kids and we turn down all invitations.

People look at us like we're weird and anti-social, but this family of four looks forward to thanksgiving dinner every year. We make what we want and eat as much or as little as we want when we want. Oh, yeah, and we talk about whatever we want.

It's heaven.

My husband and I discussed it and we can't deal with it.

Our stance is not being well received by said relatives
(but who cares!)

I'm sick of feeling bad or guilty.

i second that emotion, otherwise, if you absolutely MUST deal with repuke family members, always bring along your taser.

i'm glad i don't have to deal with these things, everyone in my family is liberal. and if they aren't or if they stray, my mother always whips them back in line.

Great idea, if she actually does volunteer at the soup kitchen. Just using it as an excuse is not good.

is that we celebrate people and diversity. We firmly embrace the idea that humanity can and will rise above differences and build bridges. (insert other high-ground platitudes, here)

You are right though. It does seem that even the most innocuous Repubs are all about money. Jesus talked a lot about people who love money, worship money.

So, talk about food instead. Talk about work, football, your favorite movie. BUT, don't talk about money. And try really hard to avoid talk about the election.

Be secretly smug in the fact that you are much, much smarter and did not drink the Kool-Aid.

Everyone on DU is going to have a similar dread going into Thanksgiving dinner, including me. Ugh. But we can do this, and do it with composure.

try to stay clear as much as possible. My self now, I would be right in the telling them the facts if they bring it up.But you may not have any back up and I do. But most know I don't need it. I can clear a room pretty quick. If you decide to take them on, know you may alienate them, and if you do, can you handle it. Know your facts, stand up for your beliefs, or steer clear of them as best you can. Good Luck.

Stay away from those people, you don't need them.

Do you have any friends you can spend some time with on Thanksgiving? Invite some friends over, roast your own turkey and have a potluck. Don't ruin your Thanksgiving because of others. Make your own Thanksgiving. If your relatives don't like it that is their lose, no yours.

I love the holidays, but I don't like the crap that goes with it.

Do you have access to a computer at all? If you do, DU is here for you, there are many of us by ourselves.

have a better thanksgiving. go out to a chinese restaurant and bring the rest of the family that doens't want to be shafted by shady bastard relatives.

grow a spine and put your foot down with authority. remember the power of 'NO'

Do you really want to spend Thanksgiving with people who are planning to victimize your grandmother? You are right to be disgusted and I would urge you to confront them and tell them how you feel about it. It sounds as if she may have some degree of dementia, if she can't remember what she has "chipped in," and if they are doing what you describe, they may be exploiting her vulnerability in other ways. Have you discussed it with your parents?
You do have a choice, and you don't have to be alone on Thanksgiving if you choose not to spend it with these people. You probably have friends who would be happy to have you at their holiday table, or you might find it rewarding to volunteer at a Thanksgiving dinner for the needy or homeless.

Bringing a dessert,an appetizer,or a bottle of wine,yes,but pitching in for the food----never.

That said,just go,enjoy the meal,and go with the flow. It's just one day.

Bring a dish/great

But pitching in for the meal? (and as Holidays go Thanksgiving is one of the cheaper ones to prepare food for)

That's just ridiculous IMO

1. Print a picture of Bush
2. Cut out his head
3. Paste to a popsicle stick
4. Affix Bush's face to the neck of the turkey when no one is looking.
5. Enjoy the aftermath!

Thanks for the chuckle.

Love that idea, Johnny. But putting Bush's face on the turkey neck? Hou can you insult the turkey like that?

even after it's dead and cooked. I think a drumstick alone has more sense that Bush. Even seasoned with Mrs. Dash and Lawry's salt!

Screw the rest of them.

to reward failure." Then shake your head as if greatly puzzled.

It works for every situation and shuts people up. Become a broken record with just a few choice jabs.

I have experience as a union negotiator, so when someone says to me that * is a fine president and we should all back him, I say things like, "Isn't it amazing how two people can see the same person and while you see a reasonable politician, I see a total failure." You get your slap in and they really have little comeback. What are they going to say? That it isn't amazing? Take yourself OUT of the equation.

These are the same relatives that my cousin not the same one mentioned, they have Two males and a girl children all grown up, that told me he had a opening for a person at the work and was going to get me a job there. I went up there for a day and then he talked about moving in and me working there. The only thing is he never got back in touch with me. After finding all this out from my mother I'm sort of glad I didn't. Still pissed about that though cause he blew me off big time. My dad and mom are even upset about it.

Now this is the same cousins that did that. He's making around 50,000 and doing side jobs. They took my grandmothers Dillard's card and basically ran it up without her knowing all that they bought.

Now to the female of the group. They forged my grandmothers signature and signed her up for a credit card WITHOUT HER KNOWING ABOUT IT and charged a whole house worth of furniture to. They also put four wheelers onto her credit and have now ruined it.

if you really loved your grandmother you'd expose this credit card fraud, get these people indicted and in jail, they are no longer family at this point -- such cruelty negates blood. these are criminals masquerading as family members, record the data, expose them, send credit card company's lawyers after them, ruin their credit, get them arrested. that's what i would do.

if you wait a second longer the next victim is you!

Don't break bread with them, and make your holiday unbearable. Just have dinner with your grandma.

I love my conservative GOP family (they are wonderful to me),so that is not why i say this.No matter what party they vote for Anyone who does this stuff should be prosecuted, and sued Big Time. BTW i would go either and i would tell my parents etc exactaly why (not the political stuff.In this case it's beside the point).

Sounds like a program I watched on groups called "Travelers"....ie: SCAMMERS! GRIFTERS...etc. Certainly not honorable people..

First off (if I were you), I'd get the HELL AWAY from that bunch AND...I'd turn them in to "Adult Protection" for ripping off your grandmother!!

your very own event. It's worked like an absolute charm for us for the last couple of years. Heck, have your own dinner and invite friends in.

Leave the creeps to eat by themselves.

If it's going to cause you (and others) stress- just beg it off. Spend some time somewhere else.

2000 miles from my Repub family and haven't spent a holiday with them in over 10 years. Sure, it sucks spending them alone, but I'll take that anyday over spending holidays with people who are so completely foreign to me.

I could tell you some of the creepy $ minded things they've done to me, but why bother. Point is - the sooner you separate and get your own life and not buy into the BS, the more years you'll have to spend them (holidays) in a way you want. I think the soup kitchen volunteering thing sounds great. It'll show them that you're the one with *real* moral values and also give you an out to not have to go.

your aunt and uncle stop extorting money from an old lady. Then keep asking, on behalf of your grandma, where the car is that she gave them to sell for her -- and where is the money that is owed her? Do not ask them in private -- ask in front of your other relatives.

I realize that this is very confrontational, but I sense that you are pretty young, and the sooner you learn to confront people like your aunt and uncle, the better off you will be. I wish I had learned to be less timid a lot earlier than I did.

What will make this easier, and good practice for you, is that you are defending your grandma, who is being run over by these bastards. She could use the help, and no decent person will fault you for helping her.

That's exactaly what i think should be done.

.......counting their pennies and making sure everyone "pays as much as the do" or think they do.

I wouldn't go, but chip in money anyway. Show that you think it's ridiculous, but want to treat the members of your family you do like. Really, beyong politics, these people sound like morons, and that's a good enough excuse to stay away.

How much is a freaking turkey? (you can get them free with 100 dollar purchase around here at just about any supermarket)

Stuffing? (it's stale bread/ a handful of veggies and some chicken broth hello?!!!?)

Why are they BOTHERING to host the thing if they are charging admission?

I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut under those circumstances--
I would be likely to call them out for being tight asses and then some!

Good luck to you!

You are comming to Jebworld? (Florida)

It sounds like your grandmother is being victimized. Is there anyone in your family you can discuss this with?

These people should be shunned, seriously.

I'm not joining some of my relatives (mostly siblings) this Thanksgiving because their behavior is insupportable. And if I attend, knowing what I know of how they'll behave, then I'm providing support for it.

When invited, I just say something like "Oh, that's not my kind of thing".

Maybe get her folks to invite you for Thanksgiving, then tell your relatives how much you hate to miss the Holiday, but that her folks would just be crushed if you didn't go?

off the wall, if true, a scary bunch and ones that might benefit from the new worlds order of screening everyone for mental illnessess...I mean really, don't your parents have the gumption to tell them to get lost?

It just sounds a bit surreal...

I will be equally frustrated this year during all the holidays. I'm dreading them actually. I want to leave the country.

The only reason I will be going is that it isn't fair to my grandmother that I don't come. She has always liked it when I'm there because I know how to give her massages. It helps too because she gets blood transfusions every 4 to 6 weeks. We haven't figured out why but she is loosing her blood and they have to give her 1 to 2 bags. I know she doesn't have much longer to live and I can't leave her.

The friends though that I have chosen as family are real good friends. We had trips together new years, June, and in October. I'd give anything to spend thanksgiving and all holidays with them because we actually do care for each other. Heck, we have even formed a bond that we would be there for each other if anything happens. They aren't blood relatives, but those are the ones who I consider my family. We are already working on a way to get a house together so that we can all be near each other and stop having to plan trips. It's going to take a while, but our bonds are very close and we know if we set our hearts to it anything is possible. When we are together it isn't about money or having it our way. It is about making sure the other person is having a good time.

P.S. Ironically we did try the everyone chip in. The way we ruined it is we all felt bad for the other person who seemed like they were paying more. We ended up wanting to each take care of it all. Money isn't everything, but good friends will provide you with treasures greater then money can provide.

If they'd max out her cards, destroy her credit, and expect an 80-year-old woman to foot the bill for their young, hearty appetites, I wouldn't put it past them to be poisoning the old gal. Sorry, but those folks got plenty of greed and zero soul.

You are a great guy/gal to care about her. Just hang out with her and glare at them. Repukes are sickening. They really do think nothing is wrong with exploiting the weak. They'd send Granny off to Iraq to help with the war effort if they could, but they'd continue to cash in her social security checks....

If your aunt and uncle bring up the election, just say, politely and respectfully, that not everyone in the family voted the same way, and some of us are still very sensitive about the results of the election, and could we PLEASE talk about something else for the sake of having a pleasant T-giving dinner.

If your aunt and uncle start gloating and Bush-trash-talkin' after you've POLITELY AND RESPECTFULLY asked for a moratorium on political discourse, you have my permission to excuse yourself from the table (with a turkey leg in your hand!) and go take a walk. Because, in that case, they're sadists, and you need to put some space between you and them before things get ugly.

I was with my family last weekend, and will be again for T-giving ... we were all together, having a great time. Two Bush voters, six Kerry voters, two Kerry-supporting teens.

We just don't talk about politics when the two Bush voters are in the room. We just do not do it. We try to avoid watching the news for the 48 hours or so we're going to be together. If we watch the news, someone will comment, and it'll be Civil War.

I love my family -- even the Bush voters. They'll be my family forever. We're together so seldom; and I won't risk a rift in the family by indulging my pain with the whole family in the room.

"Please hang your jackets, scarves, and political talk here - pick them up on your way out"

It's been there for 3 years now, and works pretty well.

I'd start drinking about noon before leaving home and not quit until I returned.

Sage advice.

"Oh help me please - What should I do? My family's republican and they're bound to say something to me. Whatever should I do? I'm soooo scared! I don't know how I'll handle their comments? I don't know how I'll handle their smug faces?"

GET FUCKEN REAL!!!

Do:
Get in their faces. Fuck with them. Scream at these fucking idiots. Make them cry. Torment them with facts. Make them terrified of doing anything but kissing your fucken ass all day long. Call them on the bullshit with your grandmother. When it comes to money tell them that they are the cheapest piles shit in America and then explain to them that the reason you rolled your bills was so that it'd be easier for them to shove it up their asses.

Don't:
Swallow your pride all day and then come here and cry about how horrible it was and that you don't understand why liberals are never taken seriously.

believe me i will be in there faces.

I've cleared out many a room during holiday "festivities."

My concern is for Granny. I'd let her have a nice day, glare and listen, and then unload at the END of the evening. Talk to her about what she is experiencing so you can speak as a true advocate for her.

And check with her physician. They should screen her blood for poisons. We had a widowed friend with a stepson who tried to poison him, then brought lawyers in to sign over all his stuff while he was hospitalized and delusional. A few of us got together and stopped that rancid plan.

Rancid Repukes. I've always given them hell. But Granny doesn't have long left, so at least let her have a little peace and pretend for a bit.

just to put some creeps in their places?

Texan: you sound like a great guy. Sounds like it would be fine to sit this one out, unless your grandmother would be hurt. If she would, bite yer lip. It's just family, not the floor of Congress!

I've been there, man. Believe it or not, I still love my Rush Limbaugh-listening, Bush-loving, insane freeper parents. Go figure!

everyone else is out of there. Tell them you can't make it because you're feeling nauseous and your head hurts; that's true enough.

But the odds of coming away happy after trying to confront their stupidity and selfishness are pretty low. Have some quiet quality time just with grandma, the day or so after.

And by the way, I think I know where your grandma's blood is going...

Why not be honest and tell them what you really think about them...I a sorry but they sound like pathetic people. Scamming grandma out of money is really disgusting.

Go to see your Grandmother. Make the day about her.
But you can still have some fun.
Instead of 'chipping in' with money, bring something to eat.
Or in this case, drink. Bring Kool-aid. Start off the evening's discussion with how wonderful the Dems are. As you drink more and more of the Kool-aid, start sprouting those repuke talking points. See if they catch on. Get THEM drunk. Then suggest a movie.
Bring F 9-11 and enjoy! Eat pretzels while movie watching. Make choking sounds now and then. I'm enjoying just writing this. lol.

Then, when you get home, write up everything these people have done to your Grandmother and turn it over to the police, to a lawyer, to anyone who can help her. DO NOT PUT THIS OFF. If you are the only decent person in your Grandmothers' life, be responsible enough to make sure she is protected from those creeps. Even if they are family, they are creeps for doing this to her.

Tell them you have to work or study or clean your toilet or something. Stay home. :hi:

..just kidding. That could be dangerous. Sometimes family will stab ya quicker than anyone else. Best of luck. ;)

She is being victimized by other family members and no one is doing anything to stop it.

She is 80-years old and maybe to weak to fight her own battles anymore and could use an advocate to defend her interests. If she is mentally ok, she knows what is happening but unsure or depressed to know what to do or who to talk to for support.

You and your mother should get Grandma aside separate from the rest of the family and talk about her wishes....does she really want to gift all of this stuff, what she wants to give away now? Who is the executor of her estate? What can you do to help and protect her best interests?

But you and your Mom seriously need to do something now.

Don't go! It's just as simple as that. Judging by your description, they sound like personally nasty and dishonorable people, even without exploring their repellent personal political beliefs.

Turkey's not hard to make, and you'll have plenty left over for sandwiches afterwards.

What kind of manners is it to host a dinner and demand that all the guests pay for it, and to double charge Grandma? I would be telling them to take their turkey and stuff it. Ha.

It's like I always tell my wife, nobody will screw you like family. There is a simple solution to the old 'everyone chip in' con, it's called feed your family and don't charge them! Isn't this Thanksgiving? Have they ever heard of potluck? Assign each branch of the family a side dish and then cough up enough 'Christian' grace to buy a damned turkey and spend the money for the gas or electric to cook it. It's always been my experience that the 'Christian' relations will screw you the deepest and hardest, no kiss, no grease. When I hear the hypocrites protest their virtue, the old butt tightens up and I grab for my wallet. In self defense.

That really sucks my friend. I sure hope you can get everything worked out:toast:

Attending that sort of mess is to empower the rightwingnuts. Simply do not go. Enjoy the day at home.

Avoid the discussion of politics. If it comes up, just say you are not interested and the conversation will change. Or change the subject yourself.

On the situation with your grandmother, start helping her out where your aunt and uncle are taking advantage of her. Go over to her house and be someone she can talk with. Help her out with some things. Get involved in her life.

Only when you are making this kind of effort will you be able to protect her.

Sometimes the holidays suck. Family meals aren't always warm and cozy as a Norman Rockwell painting.

Thanksgiving dinner is probably the cheapest holiday of them all. Gather your friends around you instead - give your apologies to your parents and ditch the freaky relatives.

Why submit yourself to that sort of crap?

Tell them you are extremely uncomfortable
with several of their actions at the moment and that you don't
want to spend the day with them.
Life is too short to spend one moment in a situation
you don't HAVE to.
You don't HAVE to go, so don't.
Go visit elderly people in a rest home instead.
Take a book and read to the day room sitters.
Or volunteer to help out a juvenile detention
center, or a homeless shelter.
You'll feel much better spending your time that way
than with your relatives.
BHN

Don't talk politics.

is the secret. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so I have to plan what I'll say well in advance.

Figure some way of innocently bringing up the car and "chipping in" thing. Pretend you're a ref at a hockey game... drop the puck and watch the fight start!

How about "Let's not talk politics this year.. we'll talk politics next year. After the election, everybody is tired of it." By then, Iraq will be worse, the economy worse, and maybe it will be more obvious even to the dumbshits who voted for that moron.

How about coming up with some "kill shots" as they say in tennis?
"Saddam will have to answer for his murders of Iraqis, and Bush will have to answer for tens of thousands of dead Iraqis and 1500 of our brave troops. They're dead because he chose to go to war. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes at the Last Judgement."

Actually, that's long.. try to keep 'em short. "In god's eyes, who's at fault for those dead women and children in Iraq?"

You have to build your answers to match the audience, and build those answers now. Practice in front of a mirror.