Joke Time.

Leadership : While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen." Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds ,"It¹s me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I¹ll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he¹d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"

After the Revolution : The far right extremists of FreeRepublic.com, WSJ.com, Nazi.com, and KKK.com finally get it together and overthrow the government. Then they start rounding up politicians to execute. A firing squad is convened and Al Gore, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are all marched to a wall to be shot. As the right wing nuts are loading their guns Al Gore thinks, "I've got to cause a diversion so I can get away." He yells "Oh, no. A TORNADO" and points behind the firing squad. As the ultraconservative fruitcakes turn around to see if there is a tornado approaching, Al Gore jumps over the wall behind him and runs away. The firing squad turns their attention back to the two men who are left. Clinton quickly observes how well Gore's ruse has worked and yells "EARTHQUAKE". As the firing squad frantically looks for a place to take cover Clinton jumps over the wall and he too escapes. The firing squad resumes their stance and proceeds to take aim at George W. Bush. Dubya, believing that he, too, can create a diversion, frantically searches his mind for another natural disaster to use. Smiling to himself, he yells "FIRE".

Web site to the rest. http://www.allhatnocattle.net/joke_page.htm

That one is gonna be emailed around for sure.

Al Gore, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush have been kidnapped by terrorists, and imprisoned in a camp deep in the woods. They don't even know what country they're in, but they know they have to escape.

As soon as night falls, Clinton and Gore pry a few bars loose from the window. They escape into the woods, taking Bush with them. Gore takes a quick glance at the sky, and noting the position of the stars, determines they're only 28.4 miles northeast of Boise. Clinton exclaims "Great! I've got a cousin in Boise! We can crash in his basement!"

The three men run to the southeast, toward Boise. But all too soon, they hear a bloodhound baying from the direction of the terrorist camp. As fast as they run, the dog keeps getting closer and closer.

"What'll we do??? What'll we do????? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!" Bush shrieks in panic.

After Clinton slaps Bush hard enough to shut him up, Gore whispers: "We've only got one chance! We each climb up a tree and hide. When the dog arrives, we make the sound of an animal. The handler will think the hound's picked up the wrong sent. After he takes the dog away, we can climb down and escape."

"Scatter and meet up at the 36th street Krispy Kreme!" Clinton hisses. He and Gore run off in different directions and each hide in the top of a tall, leafy tree. Bush runs hopelessly in circle for a full five minutes, then clumsily climbs up the nearest tree.

The bloodhound arrives at the base of Gore's tree first. As it barks violently up at him, Gore growls like black bear cub. "You stupid dog," the terrorist shouts as he drags the bloodhound away, "That's just a bear!" After the terrorist and his dog are a safe distance away, Gore sneaks down the tree and runs off toward Boise.

The bloodhound then runs up to Clinton's tree, barking wildly. Deep inside the tree, Clinton hoots like an owl. "You stupid dog," the terrorist shouts as he drags the bloodhound away, "That's just an owl!" After the terrorist and his dog are a safe distance away, Clinton sneaks down the tree and runs off toward Boise.

The bloodhound then runs up to Bush's tree, barking wildly. Deep inside the tree, Bush moos.

An American and a Russian are in front of the White House resting after sightseeing. The American says to the Russian, "Here in America, we have freedom of speech." The Russian then says, "We also have freedom of speech in Russia." The American replies, "We have so much freedom of speech that I can stand right here in front of the White House and yell, "President Bush is a moron!" The Russian then replies, "Me too. I can stand in the middle of Red Square and shout, 'President Bush is a moron!'"


Both the previous jokes are great.