What if Bush sold dogs? (parody)

"Your dog will get old one day and die. Sure, you could take it to the Vet and keep it healthy for as long as possible, but you will still have a dead dog one day."

"Now, I have a puppy in my pocket. Well, I don't have it right now, but it will arrive, I guarantee it. See, we should replace your dog with my puppy. I got some papers on him--five trillion or so should cover the exchange from your dog to my puppy."

(pre-recorded whimpering sound)

"Hush, puppy!"

(pre-recorded sound of audience laughing)

"Thank you. I am funny. Anyway, in an ownership society, you should take my puppy all the way to the bank because you will own my puppy."

"True, my breeders stand to gain on the deal, but why shouldn't they? Listen, let Grandma and Grandpa keep the old dog, but you're smart: take my new puppy. I'm not exactly sure what he looks like, frankly, but he sure is cute. And he shits nickels."