Is anyone else reconsidering whether to have children?

My wife and I are 31, and we had always thought we wanted to try to have children in our early 30s. We've dreamed of having 2 kids. But lately, with the Republicans methodically destroying all of the historical social supports, i.e. social security, public education, etc. and blocking any attempt to fix the health care system, we are wondering if we should only have 1 child or no children at all. I have been doing the math and simply do not know how we will be able to afford to provide our children with the same opportunities we had when we were growing up

In the good old days, you could count on being able to get your kids a decent education even if you weren't rich. If you couldn't afford private university tuition, there was plenty of financial aid. If that still wasn't enough, there were plenty of decent public universities with reasonable tuition where almost anyone could get a good education.

But now, with private university tuition around $40K per year, and the Republicans cutting financial aid and support for education, and with state budgets in crisis (meaning public universities will either have to cut their budgets or raise tuition), I don't know how anyone who is not very wealthy will be able to give their children a top quality education. And with the Republications now trying to destroy social security, it will be even more important for my wife and me to save enough for retirement, meaning there will be less money to spend on our children's education.

I do not want to be unable to provide my children with quality education, but I don't see how I will be able to afford to educate two children. This means we either have one child or no children at all.

Are any other DU'ers of child-bearing age coming to similar conclusions? Am I crazy?

I've brought them into.

I grew up an only child, and loved it.

a related question:
I grew up knowing that my mom could never pay for college, so did my husband. We knew that it was up to us to make it happen. full time jobs and full time school were the only reality while we had friends with paid tuitions, no jobs, and paid apartments. He graduated, I quit (I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up), so it can be done. I don't, and have never, planned on paying for my kid's college. When did this become a 100% parental responsibility? I'll help them a little bit, if we can afford it, but I just don't see it as entirely helpful to pay for it. I think college kids should pay for school and work to do so. Anyway, the question is, am I alone in this thinking?

(I also think there should be more pell grants available, and the income cut off for grants should be higher, and tuition should not grow at a pace that exceeds the pace of average incomes)

that every day.

On the education question, I put myself through Berkeley when a single mom, scholarships and grants. It's a lot of work but it can be done.

Public education has existed for only something over 100 years in this country. Before the 1960s, it was legally segregated. Education was more affordable for some, yet unaccessible to others.
For most of human history, people have had fewer opportunities for education that we have today. If your frame of reference is only the last 25 or so years, then you have a point. But children live far longer than that. Obviously finances are of enormous importance in deciding to have children, but you might think more carefully about basing such a decision on current political conditions in comparison to an idealized past.

In the sixties, many people thought the society was coming apart at the seams, and that universities were the loci of anarchy.

In the seventies, inflation was rampant, with no end in sight, and the economy ranged from dismal to merely treading water and then back to dismal again.

Many thought it was unwise or even immoral to bring forth children. If you are 31, you are a product of those times.

We always think our own times are exceptional, but they're not. Even with * in the WH, and repugs in ascendancy, the republic will survive...and the pendulum will swing back the other way. Always has, always will.

Nations DO fall apart from time to time. Particularly those constructed as empires consisting of very diverse groups, cultures and interests. In this regard, the US belongs in the same category as the Roman, Spanish and British empires, and is by no means exempt from sharing the same fate as its' predecessors.

On the bright side, however, better things have been known to emerge in the wake of a collapse. Some of those things, in our case, aren't exactly waiting to make themselves known.

On a more serious note, I can't hold with the end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it crowd. It's always the end of the world as we know it, because we only know such a small and evanescent sliver of it.

I look around, see problems, and see opportunities to do something about them. I also see things that aren't a problem, and remind myself to appreciate them. I can't fix the world, but I can make it better. All it takes is less talk, and more action.

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but
know what to do with it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you want to have children because you feel the need to love, nurture, and rear children into adulthood -- have a family, then let that be your primary focus and satisfaction. Too many people in the past had children because they thought that they were supposed to -- and frequently did a pisspoor job of raising them.

There are no guarantees in life. One cannot make all primary decisions based on an assumption of guarantees. What if one of your children proved to be non-college material? Would you love him or her less? Many people who have degrees are out of work now due to outsourcing and it's likely to get worse. A college degree doesn't always equate to either a happy life, a successful life, or a satisfying life. Many with college degrees live lives of quiet desperation in jobs that are meaningless to their spiritual self.

You can find satisfaction if you look for it and stive for it. The U.S. is hardly down for the count, nor is the world. Hell, we may all be wiped out from an astroid in 10 years, who knows?

Live your life from within. Appreciate what is possible, and take advantage of opportunities that come your way. If you live your life from some list of criterium of what is supposed to be, you'll miss the good stuff--the little decisions and the bigger decisions based on who you really are.

There will continue to be many good public community colleges, state colleges, and universities. You may need to move to a state that has one if this is the most important thing. But, remember, if you insist on college for a child who has no interest, you will be forcing YOUR choices onto him/her. Just as you want to live your life, separate from your parents, so will your children.

Don't focus on the crap and let it get you down. All is not lost and there is still much to enjoy and appreciate. There is much to work for. You cannot live your entire life with the goal of being able to retire. The years must be lived inbetween, too. While it's good to take retirement decisions into part of your overall planning, retirement is not the end-all and be-all of a life. Who knows, you may die at 50 due to some punk drunken driver.

Nothing is guaranteed. Live your life, each and every day. Who really knows what tomorrow brings?

wonderful post. I hope all who read it realize the wisdom of your words.

Perhaps, I have learned a couple of things during the past 60 years :)

Peak Oil, overpopulation & despoiling of the environment will be touch everyone everywhere, however.

Thanks for all the wisdom! You all have certainly given me a lot to think about.

My boss (who is 49) had some similar sentiments to some of those expressed here... that no matter what era you live in, it always seems like there is SOMETHING wrong with the world and that everything could easily go to hell in a handbasket. In the past there was the Cold War, Vietnam, the turmoil of the 60s, oil crises, etc. etc. I hope and pray that the current darkness we are witnessing is just another one of those things that will pass, but sometimes I really wonder....

Anyway, thanks again for the great replies.

First and foremost, I have no issue with why you or anyone is considering to not have children. I've pretty much decided against myself.

But the problem is while we liberals are thinking twice about bringing children into this world, out there are ignornant people who think Bush is a "Good Christian Man" and are popping out babies left and right.

They're out reproducing us!!!

teach them, nurture them raise them to be independent and kick ass. gosh, i am so excited for my two brilliant childrens opportunity as they grow. they are wise, and empowered. i tell them, dont be conditioned, to take within and they come to conclusion. they are the best in deciding. and ultimately, living in a life of example from parents, in love and nurturing and honesty and integrity. they too will adopt these characteristics

absolutely have kids. it is a terrific experience. dont dare deprieve yourself of this experience cause of bush. then you allow him to win. and how disgusting is that

and the respect for books and education -- that is the most important thing. They can find their way if there isn't money and they will be all the more accomplished and independent for it.

I just read a book called "The Color of Water" about a huge, dirt-poor, interracial family who did this. The kids turned out great. My own family was large and I paid for my own school. Yes, it was a public university, but I have met a lot of different people and feel my experience in the cliched old "school of hard knocks" is way better than a lot of people's more privileged backgrounds. I really appreciate the most that my parents had books all over the place of many different subjects and never minded questions.

Bush and company scare the shit out of me.

even without it we are approaching a new dark age. No place I want to bring a child into....