Dear Red States

Sorry if this is a dupe. The following represents my fondest daydream:

Dear Red States:
>
> Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
> Actually,
> we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.
> California
> will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with
> us.
> In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.
>
> We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
> almost
> everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In
> fact,
> God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at
> 4:30
> pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to
> be
> back in their states by then.
>
> So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the
> Governator,
> stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You
> get
> Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get
> Intel and
> Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We
> get
> 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the
> technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the
> tax
> revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
> Since our
> divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a
> bunch of
> happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we
> know how
> much you like that.
>
> Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck,
> the
> only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.
> Oh
> yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your
> state
> dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. (Ouch, bet
> that
> hurts!)
>
> Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and
> anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States'
> citizens
> back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your
> evangelicals.
> They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for
> absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures
> of
> their kids' caskets coming home.
>
> Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope,
> really
> hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
> Soon.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80%
> of the
> country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of
> all
> fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of
> America's
> export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high
> tech
> industry, most of the US low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
> sequoias and
> condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
> Amherst,
> Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech, IIT and MIT. We can live simply but well.
> The Red
> States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese
> Americans
> (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US mosquitoes,
> nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all
> Southern
> Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
> University,
> Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for
> controlling
> the presidency.
>
> Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
> eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing
> the
> death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a
> theory, 53%
> that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and - most hard to grasp - 61%
> believe that Bush is a person of moral conviction.
>
> Sincerely,
> California
>
>
>
>
>

Yep. Looks like it.

Sorry.

Uh? To bad Montana went Democrat at the state level but voted for Bush. But they thought John Kerry was going to take there guns away even though I didn't read a single thing about it, some of these people are dumb, sorry. I hope I can still move to the blue states soon.

In KY, there were/are people that think Dems will ban guns and the Bible (not a bad idea). They think any liberal is evil and ungodly. Especially if they attended a university in a blue state.

Don't make me build a tire raft!!!!!! Please don't keep me out...

You're in...

Can we strike an Alliance with California?

I happen to be in a PhD program in the College of Education at the University of Georgia (hence the outrage), and graduates from my program are competetive with anyone from Harvard, Yale, Amherst, Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech, IIT and MIT.

Not only that, George W. Bush (Yale/Harvard) doesn't have a degree from our university. Neither does Condoleeza Rice (Stanford). Or Donald Rumsfeld (Princeton). Or Paul Wolfowitz (Cornell).

It's just for fun. We know we're smarter than them mamby-pamby sissy britches in Kaliforny. :P

Perhaps I should have pointed out that the last couple of decent presidents we've had came from Georgia and Arkansas, while the really destructive ones were either from California or were Andover/Yale boys. :evilgrin:

FYI, I live in "red" California, and there are already MANY people here who want to divide the state to escape those "evil libruls on the coast".

If California were to ever secede, it would probably be split in half down the Coast Range and the fundies would get all the food production.

And didn't I read somewhere that California elected a Republican governor?
I'm sorry, but that would disqualify California from the club of True Blue States where I live.
Tough Luck!