HELP! Fundy cousin called - I can't believe what she said!

My brain hurts - my Fundy (Super Uber Religious Reich) called me today, in yet another vain attempt to "save me", and I can't believe all the crap she spewed. Here's a sample:
1: Vietnam was the fault of that Evil Democrat, Dwight Eisenhower!
2:Methodists are not Christians because they believe that Faith without Work is hypocrisy.
3: Catholics are Demon-worshipers and the Pope is Satan Incarnate!
And then came this:
"Even if George Bush IS the Anti-Christ - it is only because HE is the GREATEST Christian of all, he loves Jesus SO MUCH that he, and he alone is BRAVE ENOUGH to play this terrible part. AND, instead of vilifying him, I should thank God that he is my "Leader" and PRAISE HIM, Praise his name(!), and be grateful for all he has done to bring the world to the edge of Apocalypse!"

Oh, and I should stop being an evil, godless Democrat!

I think my head is going to explode! :nuke:

:eyes:
RRRRIIGGHHTTT!

bottom.

Talk about rewriting history.

for him to be the anti-christ. so how will she feel when she is sent to hell for following him.

no Republican today IMHO. John Eisenhower, a lifelong Republican, provided a long list of reasons why he was not voting Republican in 2004.

According to her I grew up as a non-christian because I attended Methodist churches.

He was a good democrat. ;)

and then joined a Methodist church. At least it was a step up! ;)

kindest, most truly Christian people anyone could be! My Father-in-law had a stroke on Christmas Eve while shoveling snow from his neighbor's driveway, so she could attend Christmas Mass! She was pregnant, and he was concerned for her safety - how is that NOT a "Christian Act"?

So sweet of your father in law. Aw.

you DON'T do good things. You only preach and thump. If you act on what you preach and thump, you're a heretic.

You get to go to heaven only if you believe in jesus. If I believed in jesus, I could burn a box of kittens in front of thier church and yell I'm saved none would care.

:evilgrin:

you should invest in it if you have these kind of people calling

Get Call Blocker and she can't even get through.

She sounds like a serial killer waiting to happen. :scared:

..... Only a fool argues w/ an idiot.

:party:

Your cousin's nucking futs.

Sorry to say but there's just no talking to people like that. Logic simply does not compute in their heads.

my personal favorite (spontaneous utterance of my habitually-spoonerizing sister when she was blowing off -
cussing out her boss in absentia)

duck off and fry !!!

i've found that one extremely useful for 15 years now, in dealing with various nucking futs types

}(

:toast:

really

It is kind of funny what she said, though. Talk about wigged out, how does someone come up with all that nonsense?.

:D

Get caller ID or hang up.

;) Both are nice to have.

You're not serious are you?

Do I believe a word she said? NO!

It's hard to believe what people believe sometimes.

a Democrat?

And the Methodists are right: faith without works is dead. It says that in the BIBLE. (Although a lot of Methodists around here don't seem to be too into works, themselves.)

So, even if he IS the Anti-Christ, she's gonna worship him?

Did you call her a devil worshipper? God, I would have had fun with her.

Among many other things she doesn't understand. :eyes:

... I like to imagine (the other person's version of) Jesus standing in the other room and listening on the phone extension.

Then I'll pretend Jesus is waving at me from the door, and slowly mouthing the words, "Get a load of this!" while pointing at the handset.

Then we both lean backwards and have silent belly laughs together. He makes the "Shhh!!!" sign to me, while I frantically wave to shoo him back into the other room.








Works like a charm everytime.

:)

...no matter how hard you try!

Though, I guess Eisenhower would be a Democrat by today's standards. Not conservative enough.

How is faith without works not hypocrisy? So they can talk and talk and talk about bein strong in the lord and be totally drunk on their fucked up version of Jesus while they live in their nice houses go to their plum business jobs and buy their Abercrombie and Fitch clothes. They can go fuck themselves.

and you'll feel better. You're not responsible for her insanity, but getting cleaner after coming into contact with it will make you feel better. She's ignorant and she likes it that way, and it's not your job to do anything about it. She's the one who needs to wake up and you can't do it for her.

I don't know what you can do about this stuff besides just cutting her off and telling her you really don't want to hear it and how is she feeling today and what did she put in the kids' Easter baskets and all that other blah blah blah.

In other words, "I'm here and I care but keep the bullshit to yourself."

she just kept spewing. Her selective deafness was amazing!
I will take the shower, just to clean out my mind - ugh! Thanks for the idea.

in a padded room as fast as you can.

Click

I feel for you. :)

Maybe so she can finally see what her husband looks like out of prison garb.

mind you, this is my half sister and she has a birth defect that gave her partial brain damage...her third husband is in prison.:eyes: We really have given up on her ever being normal (aka-not a freeper)

I talk to my sister about once every two years when she calls and she does most of the talking(about crazy freeper stuff)

I came up with that saying earlier today to attempt to counteract all this insanity.

I need a good analogy, please help.
I think the message is a good one..."It doesn't count, if you bring it about".

Sorry, my head exploded.

Proceed to self-medicate. If it's good bourbon, repeat as often as necessary!:beer:
There is just no way to use reason & logic against their idiotic circular arguments... it'll just make ya crazy...

nt

lash out against other's faith. Someone with true faith shows it in their actions, and how they treat others. I always love quoting the bible to these thumpers. The one about "say not to your brother, here let me remove the speck from your eye when you have a beam in your own eye. First, remove the beam from your eye, and you can see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's" is always a great one. That is the best verse for those with "projection" problems.

Oh, and by her saying that Methodists aren't Christians because they say faith without works is hypocrisy, says that she is insecure in her works. She does not have the action to back up her words, or her Christianity, so she is saying that the works don't matter, and if YOU believe they do, you are not Christian.

She is trying to set herself apart from the rest of humanity due to insecurity. Say what she will about Catholics, methodists, democrats, etc, EVERY group has it's bad and good, INCLUDING hers. Talk about the BTK killer being a "good christian" if she goes into that more.

Bottom line, if you tell her how insecure she is, that is sure to tick her off.

Why can't these nutballs tolerate anyone who thinks differently
to them? :(

Now THAT'S support.

That's what I was thinking too. This sounds like one very, very disturbed lady. SCARY!!!

do with relationships.) Your fundy cousin's a screwball, although, truth be told, I'm not all that fond of the Pope either.

The Pope can actually act on his beliefs and drag countless millions of people along in his crazi........um....beliefs.

When I run across a true nut job like that I don't argue I get away from them as fast as I can. They won't listen to reason and they are freaking scary.

I agree with the others, get caller ID and screen her out of your life.

Eisenhower was a Republican.

I'm sorry, but I do not believe there is ANY hope for these people anymore. Let the chips fall where they may, I'll stick to my interpretation of what God and Jesus would do! I am NOT flipping to the dark side because someone so clearly DELUSIONAL says I should. You really should see if your relative has actually read all the bible passages that deal with distorting the word of God for your own benefit. I'm sure Lucifer is busy building a special wing of hell for bush and his evil minions!

"2:Methodists are not Christians because they believe that Faith without Work is hypocrisy."


:eyes:

they are surely a danger to others and themselves?!

they are surely a danger to others and themselves?!

You should be rolling on the floor, laughing your head off. Enjoy this cuz while you have her.

I didn't share this with everyone here. :evilgrin: I was fine until she told me my In-laws were in Hell. It pissed me off.

"Good Luck with that, hope the rapture comes soon, have a nice day, and thanks for calling - buh-bye now!" and hung up.

Every time you meet this person, point and laugh. If you're in a crowed room, just point and snicker.
Don't even try to "convert" this person: they're either too far into the Kool-ade bowl to come back or they're just trying to piss you off.
Point and laugh.
And hang up on them in mid sentence every chance you get. They are beneat you.

That might explain a lot - he's a total wackjob who once tried to raise his wife from the dead. Didn't work out so good.

1. Your making this up to test our crdulity.

2. they are letting your cousin make phone calls from the psych ward.

relatives here before. This is a woman who, although she has never had children, offers me parenting advice as though she is an expert.
The fact that they have been adults for several years doesn't seem to matter to her. We had stopped speaking for a year because I had told her that IF Revelation was real (I don't believe in "The End Times"), then George Bush is the Anti-Christ. Apparently, it's taken her this long to come up with a response. I was flabbergasted - never has my flabber been more gasted!

It's so hard to know what to say to family, isn't it?

wonderful quote...ever seen it?

1: Vietnam was the fault of that Evil Democrat, Dwight Eisenhower!

Half-credit!

Correct...Ike did put the first military advisors into Vietnam!

Stupidly INCORRECT...Ike was a Republican!

2:Methodists are not Christians because they believe that Faith without Work is hypocrisy.

I'm staying away from this one!

3: Catholics are Demon-worshipers and the Pope is Satan Incarnate!

Well, I have to admit that that I have some questions about the little peak-capped curmudgeon, but I still don't believe that he's Satan.

And then came this:
"Even if George Bush IS the Anti-Christ - it is only because HE is the GREATEST Christian of all, he loves Jesus SO MUCH that he, and he alone is BRAVE ENOUGH to play this terrible part. AND, instead of vilifying him, I should thank God that he is my "Leader" and PRAISE HIM, Praise his name(!), and be grateful for all he has done to bring the world to the edge of Apocalypse!"

Oh, my!! The reasoning behind this rather interesting batch of "thoughts" defies description! The bottom line is that your cousin is waiting for Herr Beezelbub Busch to trigger the Apocalypse so that the Rapture will take her Home! Tell her that she doesn't have to wait for the Rapture...she should just go ahead and take the .45 Caliber Express!

Oh, and I should stop being an evil, godless Democrat!

Gosh! I bet you were just champing at the bit to run to the nearest GOP Headquarters to join the GOP so that you don't have to be Godless anymore!!

But there is much more to the fundies' hate than this.

I simply can't believe that any (of those who are really trying to be -- or are of other sects) Christians have been so stupid to align themselves with the fundies.

The fundies, once they take power, will start going after other "Christians" (the fundies are not Christians, they just take on some of the trappings). These Christians make the fundies look bad (brotherly love and tolerance, for example, are anathema to the fundies -- although they can be loathe to admit this) -- and the fundies are not going to put up with that. Besides, with the fundies, it is their way, or no way at all.

In the old days, it was relatively simple to set the various sects against each other. But the neocons (and their predecessors) have taught their coalition to temporarily set aside their differences (and to concede certain points -- in this case "non-religious" points) and work on common ground (this is a great strategy for recruiting) -- which by no coincidence consists essentially of elements of the fundie agenda (the fundies are the principal activist foot-soldiers of neocon movement).

The Catholics in particular should be ashamed. Oppression of Catholics is still a relatively recent historical event (and the subject of many dinner-table conversations in my youth)... And now many Catholics are, in practise, working to make it a reality again. My former, worldly-wise Bishop must be spinning in his grave.

(And just for the record, I am an atheist. And anyone who does not identify the fundies as being neocons is spreading disinformation.)

...

Oops.

and stop answering the doorbell.

bad George! BAD GEORGE!

Because she sounds as whacked as any schizo I've ever heard.

every last one of them. Tonight I will drink a blue star to all the stoopid americans in this country and pray for their deliverance to common sense.

Tell them that Christian Fundamentalists are god's evil on earth. Tell them that they purposely twist god's love and Jesus' words inside-out to destroy all decency in this world. Tell them that they defile Jesus and his entire life with every word they speak. Tell them that they are hell-souls on earth masquerading as Jesus followers when in fact they are the exact opposite of Jesus in every respect, down to the letter. Tell them that hell awaits those who scream the name of Jesus while they lie about everything he stood for. Etc etc.

They're not bashful about spewing their evil and lies as truth. Send the truth back in their terms. Who cares if they don't like it. They don't care what anyone else likes while they try to ram their perversions down everyone else's throats.

You probably listened politely. Sometimes, say with family or a boss, that's all you can do. But for everybody else, let them have it!

The fact that it's all true makes it doubly delicious.

But before you hang up...tell her not to call back till she has seen a shrink.

Email after email after email from them slamming dems and and sending those bizarro prayer chain things.

I initially tried to be gentle, as to give them the benefit of the doubt about their motives. No reason to blast the shit out of family unless you know for sure they're really TRYING to be assholes.

I offered a few firm, detailed but politely worded rebuttals, hoping they'd get the hint and stop sending the "democrats are evil" bullshit.

Didn't work.

So, here's what I did. On the next "evil dems" email, I hit "reply to all" (which included just about all of my cousins, aunts and uncles on one side of the family), I responded by saying simply and bluntly "Do not EVER send me anything like this again."

All but two stopped--one cousin, and one aunt. To the super-insane cousin, I blocked her email account (and subsequently got one sent through her sister saying "I guess you were serious and don't want me to send you those emails"--duh). To my only somewhat less insane aunt, who only occasionally sent me "evil dems" garbage, I'd run it through snopes, copy the link, hit "reply to all," and sent the link with a simple "not true." She finally got the hint.

I haven't gotten one of their bizarro emails for a few months now, and couldn't be happier.

Your phone company probably provides it on a per-number basis for a minimal cost. If you don't get it, and she insists on calling again, well...

Tell that if she's trying to 'sell you' on her faith, then she ought to try some sounder selling techiques; it's very poor salesmanship to promote your own product solely by running down the competition.

Then have a good belly-laugh at her expense, hang up, take a shower. When you get out, pour yourself a good stiff drink, turn on some relaxing music, put your feet up, and thank the Universe you're not her!

:)

Have a peaceful weekend.

Would Jesus love a liberal? You bet!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/liberalchristians.htm

Oh, and give her Borg's "The Heart of Christianity"

She's on another planet.

And laughter usually pisses off the earnest fundy nut.

:kick:

and I feel a headache coming on..

God Bless ya, hope you feel better..

Therefore, by her logic, neither of them are Christians. Bush can't be the greatest Christian of them all, so he will have to be content with being the anti-christ.

They practice the RW fundie evangelical Christianity.

mental institution. I mean it... It is no normal healthy mind that's speaking there. Tell her I said this the next time she calls. Give her greetings from Germany and tell her that I think she really has a grave problem.

---------------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

Ike was a Democrat
Methodists are not Christians
Catholics are devil worshipers
We should be thankful for the Antichrist.

And the cow jumped over moon.

Not exactly swimming at the deep end of the gene pool, was she?

They allow cousins to marry. That explains a lot in the south and mid-west.

in these times.

So that you can blow calls from that number off.

:cry:

Holy crap! Your cousin is Sinead O'Connor?

...from fundies!

Right now a lot of them are going on a power trip and are becoming insufferable. It's best to just leave them alone. Think of them as that 6-foot Eastern diamondback stretched out over the trail. Go way, way around.

Sooth your fevered brow, it is she who is beyond the hope of any saviour.

Was she severely beaten about the head as a child? Did she experience deep family troubles?

Is she perhaps a budding comedy writer testing out material on you?

Whatever it is, let us pray...

Why not publish her wit and wisdom in a letter to the editor? "Republican Christian values as explained to me by one of them."

And next time she calls, tell her to slow down so you can take good notes. You want to be sure that a wide audience understands exactly the true Christian Conservative view.

Even if she doesn't get it, the more Republicans are forced to see the enormity of the moral and intellectual bankruptcy they have allied themselves with...well, a girl can hope.

This woman needs the help of heavy duty pharmaceuticals.

Mz Pip
:dem:

Oh - and in case she gives you the argument that the war in Iraq is for the liberation of the Iraqi people, feel free to shove this down her throat: http://www.statecraft.org/chapter5.html

she needs help

Let's take all the radical Christian, Islamic and Jewish fundies, lock them up in a smokie, fart-filled doublewide, and let them have at each other. We'd all be better off.

In 1993 the monkey said that Jesus was the only way to Heaven. In 1998 he declared that Jesus WASN'T the only way to Heaven.
What changed? I'll tell you.....Abe Foxman with the Jewish Anti-defamation League who told him he was going to have to drop the "Jesus is the only way.." crap if he wanted his cash and support.
They then booked a flight together to Israel for a visit and Bush returned with his religion tweaked just a little.
Strong man of God, huh?

looney.

That's Spam of the most unwelcome sort. I'd hang up more quickly on a family member, who should know better, than I would a telemarketer who doesn't know better.

:puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke::puke:

"Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: show me thy faith without thy works, and I will show thee my faith by my works."

James 2:17-18

Then ask her to show you her works. I bet they're few and far between.

As for the "Bush/Antichrist because he's so godly" thing, you can't argue with illogic like that.

So ask her about HER WORKS. Then tell her "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

Bake

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