If Jesus returns, Karl Rove will kill him

Harvey Wasserman
March 22, 2005

As we enter another Easter Season, it's become all too obvious that if Christ returns, those who hate in his name will slime him, then kill him.

Christ was a long-haired peace activist who would have been sickened to his soul by the war in Iraq. "Blessed are the peacemakers" Jesus said in his defining Sermon on the Mount. "Turn the other cheek...Love thy neighbor."

Such hippie-radical ideals are the "Christian" right wing's worst nightmare. The GOP would never tolerate an upstart like Jesus gathering a following in the face of their corporate-fundamentalist crusade. These are self-proclaimed Christians who love power but would despise the actual Christ, just as they love a Zionist Israel but believe actual Jews are doomed to Hell.

In the wake of Jesus's inspiring life of non-violent rebellion, a perverse liturgy weighted by twenty centuries of intolerant bloodthirsty bigotry has erupted in his name. Attacks on people of color, on nations with oil, on humans of the same gender who love each other, on youth who enjoy sex….all have become staples of a new fundamentalist crusade doing in Christ's name things that would have left him horrified.

http://freepress.org/columns/display/7/2005/1096

Won't accept Evangelicals or even most Christians as his followers. None really followed him except for power, fame, or money. He'd also thank scientists for providing his clone with his old memories.

except as a literary figure

but ain't it true!

...
But if you think that jesus christ is coming
Honey you’ve got another thing coming
If he ever finds out who’s hijacked his name
He’ll cut out his heart and turn in his grave

...
If the real jesus christ were to stand up today
He’d be gunned down cold by the CIA
Oh, the lights that now burn brightest behind stained glass
Will cast the darkest shadows upon the human heart
But God didn’t build himself that throne
God doesn’t live in israel or rome
God belong to the yankee dollar
God doesn’t plant the bombs for hezbollah
God doesn’t even go to church
And God won’t send us down to allah to burn
No, God will remind us what we already know
That the human race is about to reap what it’s sown