(Back by popular demand, and proper inspiration...)

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20030917/pl_nm/iraq_usa_rice_dc&cid=615&ncid=1480

CollegeDude: Dude Never Told Bush To Get On His Nuts

Revelation Comes As Shock To Many Partisans

By College Dude


Maryland (CDN) - College Democrats of America Legislative Action Committee member College Dude said on Tuesday that he had never directed President Bush and other prominent Republicans to get on his nuts.

His statement, in an interview conducted with himself for imaginary broadcast on CollegeDudeNews' imaginary news program, came despite long-standing charges that Republicans such as George Bush, Trent Lott, and Bill Frist were linked to online articles where Dude plainly stated that for all he cared, they could take the Nestea plunge onto his nuts.

Democratic partisans on the notorious Internet nexus of Democratic Underground have accused Dude of creating a "false impression" at the heart of a widespread public belief that he actually wanted to have a Republican elected official on his nuts.

"Hey, fuck you guys, I never said any of that shit," Dude said when asked about public perception of a link. "What I have said is that those guys are a bunch of wankers. I mean, come on, can you blame me? They are. Just look at the fucking lot of them. Jesus."

Defending his own good name, Dude said that "you really think I'd actually want that smarmy fuck down there? I mean, shit, you don't know where he's been. I don't know. Nobody knows. He probably doesn't even know, that goddamn cokehead."

A straw poll made up on the spot by CDN found that 69% of DUers believed that Dude was personally involved in "telling Bush to get on my fucking nuts right now, I'm not even kidding," largely due to several past installments of CollegeDudeNews.

As he railed against Republicans in support of Democrats for the 2002 elections, Dude and none of his nonexistent aides accused the squatting American president of being "the absolute, single most stupid person I have ever seen in my entire life, we're talking so stupid that you feel like intelligence just seeps out of you as you listen to him talking."

"You can't distinguish between Bush and an asshole because THEY'RE THE EXACT SAME THING!" Dude probably didn't say some time in September 2002.

Towards the end of the interview, in a swift reversal of his earlier reversal, the Dude suddenly stood up, pointed his finger at his webcam (which wasn't turned on at the time,) and closed with his typical profanity-laced tirade.

"Yeah, okay, you guys got me, I was actually only doing this for the sake of a College Dude News article. Who do you think I am? Fucking Condi or Rummy or something, going around and lying just for the fuck of it? Shit, guys, that hurts, it really fucking does! I know it doesn't help that I don't have a whole fucking spin machine or any of that shit, but whatever. After all that I've done for you guys! Aw, who am I kidding, I can't stay mad at you people, no matter how many goddamn candidate flame wars I see every day. And you know, that really leaves just one thing to say."

His lips quirked into a lopsided grin and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "Yeah, you know the drill. Hey Bush, you lying, two-faced, smirking, possibly-shitfaced-right-now fucking fuck! Why don't you just get on my nuts?"

I'm glad to see you back.

:hi:

Took off of DU for the summer, needed to do it for my sanity. I'm back and ready to tear into it again.

Nice to know I was missed. Thanks. :)

-CollegeDude
Saw LBN and knew CDN was not long behind

I'm only a couple sentences in and I'm laughing already.

Great to see you posting again, Dude!

--Peter

But several professional comedians have shown that excessive vulgarity can be funny in the right circumstances. I just try to capture some of that magic.

And thanks, it's great to be back. :)

-CollegeDude
Like a trademark of sorts

I have missed you. :hi:

Nobody notices you're back unless you start a thread.

Thanks, Skittles! It is nice to know I was missed. :)

-CollegeDude
Underestimated his own fame

there are so many new folk and the thread turnover is very quick!

I don't like to do it too often, but, let my poor thread have a fighting chance!

:kick:

-CollegeDude
Will be back

:hi:

How is it going?

Still modding away, I see. :)

-CollegeDude
No time to try another term this semester

What a "cheap shot"! I suspect you also still own Halliburton stock...Or do you reverse yourself and deny that denial that you never made?