Great letter to Savage Love in this week's Onion: Fristing

You must be aware of the activities of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. When he's not spreading disinformation about HIV transmission, misdiagnosing Terry Schiavo after watching four-year-old videotape, or speaking at some fundamentalist Christian conclave where "activist" judges are being compared to terrorists, he's threatening to rewrite Senate rules to ram through the latest Clarence Thomas clones. I think Dr. Bill deserves a santorum-style moniker. Why don't you challenge your readers to come up with an appropriate unmentionable sex act incorporating his name, but this time make it a verb. To frist, getting fristed, into fristing...

I think there's potential here!
Bonnie In San Diego

Whenever a religious conservative says something stupid in public—and we can mark the quarter-hour by their idiotic statements these days—readers urge me to give 'em the santorum treatment. Recent nominees include Antonin Scalia, James Dobson, Gary Bauer, Tom DeLay, Marilyn Musgrave, Bill Gates, and Joseph Ratzinger. People! I can't name a sex act after every idiot member of the American Taliban or new pope who comes along! First off, lightning is unlikely to strike twice. The definition of santorum that my readers whipped up ("that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex") is a little smear of perfection. Not only did it forever link Sen. Rick Santorum to anal sex, one of his obsessions, but the substance itself is unwelcome and revolting, much like the senator himself. Can we top Santorum/santorum? I doubt it.

What's more, there are more American Taliban running around than there are disgusting sex acts or byproducts in need of monikers. We would quickly run out of disgusting sex acts and byproducts and then be forced to name pleasurable sex acts after members of the American Taliban. I don't know about you, BISD, but I don't ever want to hear my boyfriend say, "Stick your dobson in my scalia, big bauer, and musgrave the gates out of me until I ratzinger." Could any man maintain an erection after hearing that?

And as for Bill Frist, yeah, he's a freakin' asswipe. But any attempt to attach his name to a sex act will only confuse people. If you tell someone you're into "fristing," they're going to think you're a fist-f'er with a speech impediment. And, really, Bill Frist doesn't need my help ruining his good name. He's doing a good job of that all by himself.

Fell off my chair on that one!

"Musgrave me, baby!"

may be more fun.

and the blogs have already hit dr dobson with the wonderful sponge dob sticky pansts.

"Stick your dobson in my scalia, big bauer, and musgrave the gates out of me until I ratzinger."

<snarf> Hilarious!

Julie