Who wants to talk about their sex lives with their parents?

I admit it: I'm a happily married woman who does NOT discuss the details of my sex life with my mother.

My mother provided the appropriate information when I was younger, but it was embarrassing for both of us. Besides, I'd already gotten the information from other sources, so it wasn't a surprise or anything.

As far as I am concerned, she and my father did not have a sex life EVER (even though she has made general type comments that have me comforted by the fact that she and my dad still "did it" even when they got "old"). I understand intellectually that she is not a virgin, but honestly, I don't even want to go there. I'm still traumatized by the fact that, on the day he died, one of my father's last comments was on how much he liked her breasts! (snicker)

I have six living brothers and sisters, with fourteen nieces and nephews. Its amazing how they all got pregnant while being celibate (because I don't want to think about them having sex, either).

My sex life is pretty much my PRIVATE business, although my girlfriends and I have been known to occasionally get a little verbally raunchy when the guys aren't around. Much laughter is usually involved, along with the traditional "swear you'll never say anything" oaths before we reveal embarrassing details that our menfolk would kill over.

I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to talk to my parents about my sex life while I'm pushing forty, I completely get why a teenager doesn't want to do it, either; somehow, explaining to a judge you will never see again that you are pregnant seems a lot easier than explaining to your parents that you did "it" -- and that is BEFORE incest, abuse, and religious extremists come into the picture.

Comments?

ON EDIT: Some problems with the poll choices cutting out -- sorry!

That's even more shocking.

:evilgrin:

...along with the complete works by the Marquette de Sade Marquette and five pounds of margarine.

and they pretty much inform me over the phone when it happens.

Well, my mother does. If I asked her, "what did you guys do?" She'd gladly explain it to me.

I've been with my parents in sex shops where they've looked at Lingerie and sex toys.

It's not that big of a deal to me, or them.

She raised me not to be embarrassed and I'm not. It was a big step for her (in my opinion) since the only advice she received from her mom was that "when it comes to sex, a wife must lay down and receive the filth" (NOT a joke). How any woman is able to survive that kind of upbringing and then to raise a daughter in the way she raised me is beyond me. She's an inspiration to me now that I'm a mother.

We talk about everything though...politics, religion, exercising, goals, money, nutrition, books, etc. Nothing is off limits. We're both sexual beings so it makes no sense to keep that one part of who we are separate from everything else that we talk about. :shrug:

:shrug:

and I think my parents are glad about that as am I. Oy! Sometimes I'm down here on the computer and my dad is getting ready to go to bed and asks my mom if she wants to fool around. Ew. Thankfully I had some sex-ed in middle and high school (my first sex-ed type class was in sixth grade).

we discussed issues when they came up.

My 11-year-old just finished a sex ed project in 5th grade, about which she was too embarassed to even let me see her working on it. I don't recal my 17-year-old ever having sex ed.

Your parents are no longer responsible for you, so it would definitely be inappropriate for them to talk to you about your sex life. I think you don't really need to ask your kids about their sex lives either. What you do need to do is make sure that they know they can come to you for help and that they have all the information they need to have sex responsibly when their time comes. You need to make sure they know about safe sex. Girls need to know that their parents will supply them with birth control pills if they want them, and no questions asked. You need let your kids know the importance of using condoms. You need to talk about the consequences of having sex with your kids. This all needs to be done before your kids hit puberty. I don't think parents need to be intrusive and get all the details. They just need to be sure that their kids understand the risks involved.

I would like to know your stance on parental notification laws, if you don't mind. (You are making a lot of sense, and I ask this in a very respectful way.) :)

About a year and a half ago, my dad began a career as an erotic photographer. He currently has two girlfriends who both know about each other, and his best friend/housemate is a 20-year-old female fetish model. Deal with that shit!

Of course, I love my dad and wish him the best in anything he does (as long as he doesn't turn right-wing). But I've politely requested that the next time he gets a nipple or, erm, other intimate organ pierced, PLEASE not to tell me about it.

That was the funniest thing I've read in DAYS! I'm sorry you are having to deal with that, but THANK YOU for putting my life in perspective!!!

:rofl:

Honestly, I don't mean this is something I've had to "deal with" in a bad way... I'm genuinely pleased and actually proud that my dad is doing this. He's always been a fan of the female form and its representation in photography and art (porn, basically, although he prefers the term "erotica"), but he grew up at a time and in a context where it wasn't terribly cool to admit it (and to be honest, I'm the same - I'm a guy by the way; the name tends to confuse people - but I was raised by good 1960s/70s left-wingers who frowned upon that sort of thing). But when he got to his retirement and his third divorce, he kind of said "fuck it - if I like it, why not do it?". It's really given him a new lease on life... he's meeting all sorts of interesting (to say the least!) people and having books published on the subject (and being damn well paid for it to boot). Obviously, the fact that it's my dad doing something to do with sex/porn makes it pretty wierd, but how could I begrudge him something that's been such a positive force in his life?

The bit that always gets a laugh is when I tell people about the piercing... when I saw him after the divorce and he told me about his new girlfriend/s, he said "I should tell you something else - I've got a piercing."

Grimacing, and not really wanting to know the answer, I said "where...?".

He says, "oh you know, that place on Mill Road, the tattoo parlour."

I say, "no dad, where on your body..."

(Immediately followed by a desperate desire to scream "don't answer that!"... but it was too late...)

Stupid technology.

I think it has something to do with how we perceive our parents. Many people go through their entire lives objectifying their parents and placing them on a special parental "pedestal". If you do this, if you give more credence to your parents opinions or somehow see them as "different" from everyone else on the planet, then you're far less likely to have an open and frank relationship with them. I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that, even as adults, many people still seek their parents acceptance for their lives and choices. They may no longer ask ahead of time, but they are hurt when their parents disapprove, and subconciously still assign a parental role to them.

For other people, like me, part of becoming an adult meant adjusting that worldview to see your parents as equals, not superiors. My dad is one of my best friends, and I give his views of my life and family just as much credence as I'd give to any of my other friends, but I neither seek his approval or objectify him simply because he is my parent. He's a friend, and I have no obligations to him nor he to me, and from that starting point we can have conversations on just about any subject.

mentioned anything to me about it. And thank god for that or I'm not sure how scarred I'd be now. The only sex life I'm interested in is mine with my hubby. I guess my motto is Don't ask, don't tell. Thank god I have no children I would actually have to tell about sex.

but that was personal choice. I understood the mechanics and the politics of sex, and I had opportunities (not a lot, I'm no don juan), But then again I'm 46, so the world was a bit different back then. The closest you could get to legit nudity was national geographic or stealing your dad's hidden playboy stash...very dangerous!

but I digress...

I did not speak to my parents about sex (thank god!)

At least one should be capable of having a private sex life. It seems to be the Repugs who are always curious about what people are doing in the bedroom.

Sex should be discussed with kids mainly to inform them of the repercussions of early pregnancy and diseases.

If you want to have a more open dialog with your kids/parents you obviously should be able to, but try to respect the other's feelings if it begins to creep them out.

When I was a child, I asked my mom where I came from and she said I had been left in the cabbage patch. I couldn't quite accept that, so asked my grandmother where my mom had come from and she said the angels brought her. So then I asked, "Where did you come from, Grandma?" and she told me the stork had delivered her.

It all sounded so incredible, but I was brought up to respect my elders ... so I thought it was terribly unfair when I got grounded when my parents overheard me telling a playmate: "Wow! Three generations of my family and I guess no one ever fucks!"

:evilgrin:

OK ... an old joke.

But seriously, I only remember asking two questions related to sex as a child. The first was "What is sex?" (and I only asked that when I heard a commercial for a program on what parents should say when their kids ask about sex) and the second was "What is circumcision?" because I'd discovered the word in a Bible study class.

In both cases my mom answered the questions but was so clearly uncomfortable that I quickly got the idea that I needed to get my information elsewhere.

One of my most vivid memories and now one of the funniest from when I was younger and in the 10th grade.

I had a friend in my biology class that was a grade above me and she and I started talking about condoms in class one day. I was very naive and had never seen one. Well the next day she presented me with 3 that her boyfriend bought(one was a lubed version called a Black Cat). Well after looking at one of them, I tossed the other 2 unopened in my purse.

At the same time this was going on, I had passed my first driving test and got my learners permit. At that time in NC(1974), they gave you a laminated picture license that looked like a drivers license.

That night I went out with some friends and my boyfriend and left my purse at home. Well my mom wanted to show my new learners permit to my father.

Long story short, I came home to find them both seated at the kitchen table. When I came in they asked me to sit down, which I did. Then my mom asked me where my learners permit was? See I took it with me, but left my purse. When I showed them I had it, she says, "I wanted to show it to your father and went into your purse to get it. Guess what I found?" Clueless me says, "What?"

Well she tosses the two remaining condoms on the table in front of me. You could have heard a pin drop. I had to explain the whole 'why I had them thing' and was able to talk my way out of it. To this day I'm not sure if they believed me.

When I told my boyfriend what had happened, he refused to come near my family for almost a month. He especially wanted to stay clear of my dad(he was an retired Marine with 30 yrs of service).

It's funny now, but at the time I thought I was dead. My folks just didn't discuss any of that stuff with me and I basically had to learn on my own and from friends.

:evilgrin:

and never wanted to. I learned about it from movies in school, other kids, reading on my own and experience. I found out everything I needed to know one way or the other. :evilgrin: