Dear Jesusland -- We want a divorce.
Dear Jesusland,
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals (even if you stole a few state elections). Actually, we're a bit ticked off in the Blue States, so we're divorcing you. The West Coast will now be part of a new country with all the Blue States. In case you are not aware, the list includes Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Pennsylvania, New York, and all of the North East States, plus the urban centers in Ohio. Please let your vacationers know they need to be back in the Red States by Winter Solstice.
We spoke to your god, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in our new country, Azureland. Your god is going to give us the blue Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. We're getting Disneyland (sorry, that's just how it goes). But she is letting you keep the KKK, the Great Basin desert, and country music. But we get the Dixie Chicks and the Blues.
Just so we're clear, the country of Azureland will be pro-choice, pro-all marriages, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue State citizens back from the US military and Iraq. If you need people to fight in Bush's crusade and murder the wounded in mosques, just ask your gung ho evangelical voters. They have tons of god-fearing kids they are willing to send to their deaths. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home. They seem pleased to die for a cause, or just because.
So, you get the war, Texas, the desert, all the former slave states, and all the tornadoes and hurricanes. Would you please take Britney Spears off our hands, after all, she's from the south, right? In exchange, you can have one rapper if you really need one. We get many of the great sports teams; you can have all of NASCAR.
More:
http://www.jqjacobs.net/bush/divorce.htmlCalifornia's Letter of Secession - Political Joke
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. ...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokecaliforniasecession.htmSee also:
THE URBAN ARCHIPELAGO
by The Editors of The Stranger
It's the Cities, Stupid.
There are two maps on this page.
<snip>
Take a look at the second map. This map shows a county-by-county red/blue breakdown, and it provides a clearer picture of the bind the Democrats finds themselves in. The majority of the blue states--Washington, Oregon, California, Illinois, Minnesota, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Delaware--are, geographically speaking, not blue states. They are blue cities.
Look at our famously blue West Coast. But for the cities--Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego--the West Coast would be a deep, dark red. The same is true for other nominally blue states. Illinois is almost entirely red--Chicago turns the state blue. Michigan is almost entirely red--Detroit, Lansing, Kalamazoo turn it blue. And on and on. What tips these states into the blue column? Their urban areas do, their big, populous counties.
<snip>
THE URBAN ARCHIPELAGO
It's time to state something that we've felt for a long time but have been too polite to say out loud: Liberals, progressives, and Democrats do not live in a country that stretches from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Canada to Mexico. We live on a chain of islands. We are citizens of the Urban Archipelago, the United Cities of America. We live on islands of sanity, liberalism, and compassion--New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, St. Louis, Minneapolis, San Francisco, and on and on. And we live on islands in red states too--a fact obscured by that state-by-state map. Denver and Boulder are our islands in Colorado; Austin is our island in Texas; Las Vegas is our island in Nevada; Miami and Fort Lauderdale are our islands in Florida. Citizens of the Urban Archipelago reject heartland "values" like xenophobia, sexism, racism, and homophobia, as well as the more intolerant strains of Christianity that have taken root in this country. And we are the real Americans. They--rural, red-state voters, the denizens of the exurbs--are not real Americans. They are rubes, fools, and hate-mongers. Red Virginia prohibits any contract between same-sex couples. Compassionate? Texas allows the death penalty to be applied to teenaged criminals and has historically executed the mentally retarded. (When the Supreme Court ruled executions of the mentally retarded unconstitutional in 2002, Texas officials, including Governor Rick Perry, responded by claiming that the state had no mentally retarded inmates on death row--a claim the state was able to make because it does not test inmates for mental retardation.) Dumb? The Sierra Club has reported that Arkansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Alabama, and Tennessee squander over half of their federal transportation money on building new roads rather than public transit.
<snip>
If Democrats and urban residents want to combat the rising tide of red that threatens to swamp and ruin this country, we need a new identity politics, an urban identity politics, one that argues for the cities, uses a rhetoric of urban values, and creates a tribal identity for liberals that's as powerful and attractive as the tribal identity Republicans have created for their constituents. John Kerry won among the highly educated, Jews, young people, gays and lesbians, and non-whites. What do all these groups have in common? They choose to live in cities. An overwhelming majority of the American popuation chooses to live in cities. And John Kerry won every city with a population above 500,000. He took half the cities with populations between 50,000 and 500,000. The future success of liberalism is tied to winning the cities. An urbanist agenda may not be a recipe for winning the next presidential election--but it may win the Democrats the presidential election in 2012 and create a new Democratic majority.
More (long, and very good article):
http://www.urbanarchipelago.com/Fuck The South
http://www.fuckthesouth.com/(I may or may not necessarily endorse the ideas expressed at the above site).