Democrats play croquet, Republicans play Calvin Ball

My wife made this reference (she's good at coming up with sound bytes), and I thought it was quite good. I figured it would be a great analogy to use, provided enough people know what Calvin Ball is.

This is one of the main problems into which we continuously find ourselves. The Democratic leaders in Washington just DON'T GET that the rules have drastically changed in American politics. They continue throw themselves against the wall with nothing to arm themselves except "process", and the Republicans have continously taken advantage of process to shut the Democrats completely out of government. A good example was this last election. John Kerry played by rules that no longer exist. He didn't get dirty and fight the Republicans like hell. He didn't use the truth as a brutal mace to bludgeon the Republican into cowering submission. He thought the electorate would hate him for it for going "too far", but I contend they would have loved him for it (I was at the Columbus, OH rally and the big cheers came from "fighting words"). Bush instead broke every rule in the book...heck, he made up new rules.

It was two different games. Croquet and Calvin Ball (or cricket and Calvin Ball, but that is not an American reference).

Here are the rules to Calvin Ball.

The Unofficially Official Rules of Calvinball

(This rulebook is not required, nor necessary to play Calvinball.)

1.1. All players must wear a Calvinball mask (See Calvinball Equipment - 2.1). No one questions the masks.

IMPORTANT -- The following rules are subject to be changed, amended, or deleted by any player(s) involved.

1.2 Any player may declare a new rule at any point in the game. The player may do this audibly or silently depending on what zone (Refer to Rule 1.5) the player is in.

1.3. A player may use the Calvinball (See Calvinball Equipment - 2.2)in any way the player see fits, whether it be to incur injury upon other players or to gain benefits for himself.

1.4. Any penalty legislation may be in the form of pain, embarassment, or any degradation the rulee wishes to execute upon the other player.

1.5 The Calvinball Field (See Calvinball Equipment - 2.3) should consist of areas, or zones, which are governed by a set of rules declared by players. Zones may be appear and disappear as often and wherever the player decides. For example, a corollary zone would enable a player to make a corollary (sub-rule) to any rule already made. Or a pernicious poem place would require the intruder to do what the name implies. Or an opposite zone would enable a player to declare reverse playibility on the others. (Remember, the player would declare this zone oppositely by not declaring it.)

1.6 Flags (Calvinball Equipment 2.3) shall be named by players whom shall also assign the power and rules which shall govern that flag.

1.7 Songs are an integral part of Calvinball and verses must be sung spontaneously through the game when randomly assigned events occur.

1.8 Score may be kept or disregarded. In the event that score is kept, it shall have no bearing on the game nor shall it have any logical consistency to it. (Legal scores include 'Q to 12', 'BW-109 to YU-34, and 'Nosebleed to Pelvic Fracture'.)

1.9 Any rule above that is carried out during the course of the game may never be used again in the event that it causes the same result as a previous game. Calvinball games may never be played the same way twice.
Calvinball Equipment

2.1. Mask - All participants are required to wear a mask.

2.2. Calvinball - A Calvinball may be a soccerball, volleyball, or any other reasonable ball.

2.3 Calvinball Field - The Calvinball Field should be any well-sized field, preferably with trees, rocks, grass, creeks, and other natural obstacles.

2.4 Miscellaneous - Other optional equipment include flags, wickets (especially of the time-fracture variety), and anything else the players wish to include.

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The great thing about this is it would make a good angle for a political cartoon because th Republicans would ALWAYS be wearing a mask.

Oh well, a passing thought I thought I should share.

where the losers are beheaded.

This game doesn't have rules any more. At least for one of the teams.

But I would agree that Ullamalittzli is being played in Iraq. God I hadn't thought of that game in a long time. Weren't they only allowed to use elbows and knees?