Letter to Senator Warner - About the Iraq War Resolution

Office of Senator John Warner
U.S. Senate
225 Russell Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Re: Iraq War Resolution

Dear Senator Warner:

I’ve had my eye on your career ever since your marriage to Liz Taylor. I was saddened when I read that it didn’t work out. She was a great woman. I especially liked her in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.”

But even though your marriage to Liz turned out to be a flop, unlike a lot of people, I never blamed you. I’ve continued to remain a loyal fan of yours. I particularly liked watching you when you helped President Bush get that Iraq War Resolution passed. You remember, it was right before the 2002 Midterm Elections, just after the President came back from that month-long vacation at his ranch. I know it wasn’t easy getting the Resolution done so quickly, with Byrd, Kennedy and Durbin telling you to slow it down and generally giving you a hard time about it. As a long-time Republican voter, I was real proud of how you handled them and shoved it through in record time.

I still enjoy watching you when you’re on C-Span. I especially like listening to your speeches. You don’t talk like some of the other Republicans. When you address people, you always say polite things like: “As my esteemed and honored colleague from the great state of (fill in a State here) well knows...” My grandfather, Sandor Toth, used to talk that way too -- old fashioned, formal and nice. Of course it sounded different with him in Hungarian, but it also sounds nice when you do it in English. Actually, when you talk like that you remind me a lot of Burl Ives. He was in “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” too, playing the famous role of "Big Daddy". Remember how he used to say: “I smell a strong odor of mendaaaaaaaaaaaacity!” (I liked how he would stretch out the "a" in mendacity). Did you borrow some of your speaking style from Big Daddy? Ha ha! I'll bet you did!

Anyhow, from watching you, I know that you are an orderly, meticulous, and old fashioned sort of person that hates mistakes and always pays a lot of attention to detail. That’s what prompted me to write this letter. Given all that's happened since you got that War Resolution passed, I thought you might want to take another look at some of those “WHEREAS” clauses in it and have them retroactively amended. The way they've been left, they now look sort of messy and not quite right. Luckily, most of them can be fixed with just a bit of editing and tweaking. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

The following one, for instance, should probably be deleted entirely:

“Whereas the efforts of international weapons inspectors, United States intelligence agencies, and Iraqi defectors led to the discovery that Iraq had large stockpiles of chemical weapons and a large scale biological weapons program, and that Iraq had an advanced nuclear weapons development program that was much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than intelligence reporting had previously indicated;”

Also, in view of the fact that it turned out Iraq destroyed all their weapons of mass destruction back in 1991, you might want to do some cutting and pasting with this one:

“Whereas Iraq, in direct and flagrant violation of the cease-fire, attempted to thwart the efforts of weapons inspectors to identify and destroy Iraq's weapons of mass destruction stockpiles and development capabilities, which finally resulted in the withdrawal of inspectors from Iraq on October 31, 1998;”

You might also want to review and revise this one a tad:

“Whereas in Public Law 105-235 (August 14, 1998), Congress concluded that Iraq's continuing weapons of mass destruction programs threatened vital United States interests and international peace and security, declared Iraq to be in `material and unacceptable breach of its international obligations' and urged the President `to take appropriate action, in accordance with the Constitution and relevant laws of the United States, to bring Iraq into compliance with its international obligations';”

This one too can probably be eliminated:

“Whereas Iraq both poses a continuing threat to the national security of the United States and international peace and security in the Persian Gulf region and remains in material and unacceptable breach of its international obligations by, among other things, continuing to possess and develop a significant chemical and biological weapons capability, actively seeking a nuclear weapons capability, and supporting and harboring terrorist organizations. ..”

This next one probably should be excised since it was never really proved:

Whereas the current Iraqi regime has demonstrated its continuing hostility toward, and willingness to attack, the United States, including by attempting in 1993 to assassinate former President Bush…

Now this next one is probably OK as long as you add the phrase “in a Kurdish area outside the control of the Iraqi government” at the very end:

"Whereas members of al Qaida, an organization bearing responsibility for attacks on the United States, its citizens, and interests, including the attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001, are known to be in Iraq";

This one is probably another candidate for scissoring:

"Whereas Iraq continues to aid and harbor other international terrorist organizations, including organizations that threaten the lives and safety of United States citizens";

And, of course, there’s this one:

"Whereas Iraq's demonstrated capability and willingness to use weapons of mass destruction, the risk that the current Iraqi regime will either employ those weapons to launch a surprise attack against the United States or its Armed Forces or provide them to international terrorists who would do so, and the extreme magnitude of harm that would result to the United States and its citizens from such an attack, combine to justify action by the United States to defend itself";

Well, I could go on, but you being the smart man I know you are, I’m sure you get my drift. With your concern with America’s place in history and on principles of general orderliness, I'll bet you’ll want to get these and a lot of those other “Whereases” in that War Resolution amended pronto!

Well, that’s it from here. Don't bother thanking me for pointing this out. I know you'd do the same if the shoe were on the other foot.

Keep on doing the President’s work up there! We’re all rooting for you!

Your loyal fan,

Lazlo Toth

Voting for Republicans (both unindicted and indicted) since 1952!

(Inspired by Don Novello’s Lazlo Toth Letters)

Roberts too, if you do not mind.

I like the way you reel him in with praise, then go in for the kill.

Good, good read.