Now, I'm liberal, but to a degree

I want everybody to be free, but if you think that I'll
let a feminist move in next door and try to stop me from
being sexist in my free time, you must think I'm crazy!
Seriously though, I'm all for equal rights for women and
reproductive rights and equal pay and all that stuff like
that (unless it looks like a losing cause and makes the
average American voter get nervous about us Democrats and
how we get all loud and angry and aggressive even if it's
for a so-called good cause), but I draw the line at anybody
that wants to take away my porno or my video games or my
free right as an American to say things that I want about
things when I want. I can't say things in the office that
I used to be able to say and that hurts, man!
I don't know what's happening any more when the things that
I think can't just go to my mouth and come out as words that
might hurt somebody's feelings. So I can't say stuff at the
office just joking around and blowing off tense male steam,
OK. I go along just to keep my job even if I don't like it.
I don't know why people can't respect my right to say anything
I want when I want without me having to worry about it being disrespectful to somebody. But I draw the line at my own home
and my own couch where I sit in front of my computer and cool
off with a few brewskis in my shorts after a hard day at the
office having to pent up my sexist tendency, and peck away at my
keyboard to say whatever I want on the internet. But no now
they want me to watch my mouth even on the internet. I got to
tell you I think I am going to crack up if I have to worry about
if I'm being a sexist with every word I write or think or say
or type. I just feel like I'm going to go craZY OR something if
I do. Isn't it enough that I'm for equal rights and everything?
Can't I get drunk and let off a little male srteam on a progressive
liberal Democratic site where free speech is the King? I just
don't know any more what the women want. What do the women want?
I feel like my mind is going to snap and my heart is beating so
fast in fear and anxiety and my blood pressure is going up just
thinking about my nausea sweaty confussion if I have to worry about
being respectful all the time and treating women here like I
treat my wife or my sister or my mother bless her soul. It is
hard enough being respectful to my wife and sister and mother and
the gals in the office without having to get all anxious and nervous
trying to be respectful toward women here on DU that I don't even
barely know or something. Please don't take away my right to be a sexist and use a few sexist words now and then here on my couch on
the internet to let off my free speech American male sexism steam
!

Morrison? Johnson? Halen?

Which is like not. The first two lines are from Bob Dylan
but the rest are straight from my bewildered male heart.

No BD lines there, not from real songs.

http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/befree10.html

Read the post. Get it. Feel it. Somebody have pity on me!

wrote some good songs that aint one.

Van the Man shouldn't be parodied, although you got him all dressed up in sunglasses looking like a drunk in a puddle at midnite.

another race or sex just to feel comfortable, then that indicates to others how little self-esteem you have.

God bless you!

when you try and get people who move the world around in boxes to dance?

Treat them as you would like to be treated and you'll probably get along just fine.

:popcorn:

Af Ri Ka Snake!

It's all ice cold!

A, what's the deal? I never seen you like this before.

to be the mascot of the fem forum perhaps.:hi:

You were funny. (Where's them smileys?)

I don't travel in a pack too well.

and were off licking your wounds.

Just a waste of time and energy.

for like three days. :)

Right?

Don

That's not being sexist. You know that.
Oh, if it were that simple ....
Nobody understands....
I should of knowed better than to lay my shivering man soul out like that for all to see...

The best thing to do is forget about understanding women. Ever.

Take a couple of aspirin (if your doctor agrees) and think about it tomorrow.

Or forget it. Who will know the difference.

It should be simple and easy if it's so important,
like watching football or being for equal rights.
Boy, what if respect was easy and fun as watching
football or being for equal rights!

Make you feel any better?

Sorry, guess I don't get it.

Ok, you want the freedom to be sexist in your own home? I guess that's your perogative and only you can control how you are treated in your home.

Want to be sexist online and not be questioned about it? That probably isn't going to happen and I don't think it's too fair to ask that it be respected any more than I could ask that everyone overlook and tolerate a racist comment from me from time to time.

If you want your cake and eat it too, don't expect not to get a tummy ache.

Honest. You get it.

...now go get me a beer!

How about a root beer?

watch porn?

In a respectful way, of course.

(I get it, plus it's very funny and well done.)

Smootch, if I may.

Neither is "clever," for that matter ...

This is how I read it:
This is a satire on sexism and sexist thought.

I just know there ought to be some kind of a legal limit
on how much a guy has to act like he has respect for females.

...vhy shtop at the free speech on zhe Internet? Let's reach out
and grabben zie tits until zhey splitz!

:D ;-)

I thought it was a put on. Sorry for laughing at what turned out to actually be a real problem for you.

Seriously, I'll leave your thread alone to folks who can relate.

if you look at it in a certain way.
The image of what you wrote was just awful
harsh to me. I go for gentleness
myself, but thanks for at least getting what
I was getting at. Peace.

...I guess I'm becoming so dumbed down, so fast that by this time next year I won't know whether something is real or a joke unless there's a fart or flushing toilet sound effect at the end to cue laughter.

Peace to you, too.

like I did in the first place.

...where's your subtlety, man???

You were right--my first post to your thread was dumb. It's just that I'm in a job environment that is boring and lonely and I didn't think enough before trying to somehow share in the fun, here.

Well, at least I kicked your thread to the top a bunch of times.

Keep up the good work. I'll remember your name and look out for more of your posts from now on.

:nuke: :popcorn: :nuke:

I just wanted to know if I was right that you are probably married. :-)

thank you.

read anything that made me LOL that hard for WEEKS.

Trick question indeed. Is that the cry of the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" crowd? :rofl:


Nice post, btw. I appreciate the effort.

that most of us mere mortal males can only dream of being on. :)

How's it going Eloriel? :hi: I miss seeing you around!

if after inheriting OSCAR.

Link to the original OSCAR thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=624815

Voted the FUNNIEST POST EVER at DU!!!

Sorry A-S..you will never be able to live this one down!

And the best part is he doesn't give one flat damn
that I blame him for everything that goes wrong
around here.

I couldn't stop reading that damn thread, lol! I tried.

A-S, you are a true genius! Thanks for linking that patdem. :)

Great post. :hug:

:hug: :hi:

I get what you're saying, and :you rock:

:loveya:

Too bad the popcorn eaters here are going to be so disappointed!

just don't get it.

Once again, we LOVE you A-S.

of my favorite things.

We try to guess who will get picked.
He is always right. He also likes Intervention,
but it just reminds me of the bad old days.

then you shouldn't mind when people say they're offended.

Ha ha, not really.
Cool website for healthy doggies!

thanks for the plug, tho!

truly beautiful. :applause:

Peace.

Fantastic and right on target.

Feminists want equal rights and reproductive rights and equal pay.

Assholes want to take away your porn and video games.

out of my dead warty gnarly hands.

as true a representation to the contemporary wit of man as i have seen in the longest time .In a little while , many could go trough even more news and inf. outlets and not find such an apt line of words to describe the presence of 21st's kin .

or

kickass

if only we could write our woe regarding policy in such a clear manner , we wouldn't have to resort to so many fucks and mofo's to describe our criminally dumbfuck opponent

Mais oui... :hi:

well that is sad. but if you really nEEd to feel superior to me, for whatever low self esteem jack ass reason go for it. does nothing to me. says nothing about me. it is all that you are.

why, you ask, must you watch your sexist mouth? why? it is all about degrading another human being. you dont have issue with that? degrading another, making them less than you allows a cavalier treatment to that person that escalates from mouthing to hitting to raping to torturing to murdering. because, obviously, they are not as important as you. they are not as human as you. you have placed them in a place where feelings dont matter, so whatever you do or say,.......

you really tell me you do not see the effects of being superior to me. because you have a penis. you really dont see the harm of making me less.

you will mess out a lot of what life has to offer you.

i prefer to be around males that respect me. then, i can respect them. then........ we live in harmony. i a tip, in life, .....there is nothing better than to live in harmony with our mate. it feeds joy into every part of life. and certainly creates a healthy environment for children.

making a point. well i will leave my post as is. i didnt think it sounded like you, but who the f* knows, wink. ok, gonna take this as you making a point. ignore all i say if you werent say. i dont know and not going thru posts to figure it out

reading a few responses first! I've had those oops moments
myself. I should put a PARODY! tag but I just can't
because I'm bad.

bah hahahah...... see, now that, i really respect. yup

Absolutely. And if you're going to be open about it and post stuff like that out in the open I will go ahead and call you on it when I see it. Every time. I've got no problem with free speech and people saying what they think and feel. I've also got no problem with people reacting to it the way they think and feel. If you say something to the public at large, expect a reaction. People who, for instance, post sexist stuff here on DU, and then act all shocked and put upon because someone else didn't like it get no sympathy from me. It has nothing to do with liberal.

On edit: I guess this was too subtle for me. I'll be leaving now. Never mind.

the fact that some people are taking it serious
might suggest how close it is to some real thinking...

When I saw who posted it. I should be more careful when I respond.

I should have known you wouldn't be sexist. You goofball.

that's what you meant, but I wanted to hear it, heh.

:thumbsup:

You know how to whistle, doncha A.?

You just put your lips together
and blow

misogyny, just like in the good ol days. As a matter of fact, today my boss spanked me, and I *loved* it! I immediately sabotaged the big account in hopes of getting more of his virile American male attention.

We were hoping to hire some more VPs of sales and you sound like you'd fit right in, I mean, at least I think so, but what do I know? I've only been here for 15 years, and, well, you know, I'm not as cute as I used to be, but I still pull on my pantyhose every morning and I never forget to wear that little pink number that Dave in accounting likes so much.

But of course now that he's the manager of the Christmas party, he doesn't have that much time to notice. He still comes out to the reception desk to see me sometimes.

You're confussing me.

.....:wow:
:bounce::bounce:

But well-meaning hogwash.

The finest......



:kick:

Thanks for the laugh. I got it before reading the replies. :rofl:

This past week on DU was just awful, sexism-wise. The worst was the guy who posted some remarkable bile:

He wrote that he didn't believe that backalley abortions ever took place and characterized them as "inflammatory hyperbole."

Regarding women's reproductive concerns, he recommended that they "practice a little personal responsibility" and "keep (their) knees together."

...After a couple of days (and God knows how many alerts on his posts) 4 of them got removed ... as did one of mine wherein I went a little ballistic.

Anyway, thanks for being a nice guy, A-S.
I REALLY needed that. :hug:

a little
along the way.

:bounce: