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Edited on Sun Oct-02-05 03:08 AM by impeachdubya
Specifically, we need to kick those damn gays & lesbians out of the party, or at least get them to stop yammering about stuff like equal rights an' marriage an' stuff.
And the same goes for the gul durn Atheists, Jews, Buddhists and everybody who holds those antiquated notions of "separation of church and state". See, Ma and Pa Kettle Values Voter don't cotton to that kind of "God Hating" activity, and when Demon-crats, sorry, Democrats make crazy talk about how all courthouses shouldn't be built underneath six hundred foot tall granite monoliths inscribed with perpetually flame-encased neon etchings of the ten commandments, each letter fifty feet tall praised be Jeebus, they convince Mr. & Mrs. Religious Right Voter that the Democratic party is "anti-God".
Don't even get me started on the pledge of allegiance. Sure, it may be crass political cynicism, but I think the only way to get back these heartland majority glassy-eyed god squadders who hold the ONLY KEY to our electoral victories is to insist that the entire REST of the pledge be taken out (it was written by a socialist, after all) leaving ONLY the proper, respectful, god-fearing McCarthyite addition of "Under God". Now, clearly, a roomful of students standing and saying "Under God" isn't going to take as much time -or have the same impact- as reciting the entire pledge, so maybe they should have to say it... like, fifty times. You know, real fast. "Under God. Under God. Under God. Under God. Undergod. Undergod. Gunderodd. Rundgren. Ooops! Under God!"
Likewise, our stubborn, pagan, sinful insistence that women and not government should control their reproductive systems, and that pharmacists should fill birth control prescriptions instead of dispensing preachy lectures, is clearly out to alienate these folks. Now, this is complicated, so follow closely- the majority of Americans are PRO-CHOICE. A whopping 8%, or so, believe birth control should be against the law. Therefore, to win elections, we MUST COURT the anti-choice, anti-birth control, anti-sex extremists, preferably by aping the GOP's stances on all those subjects. While we're at it, we should push for teaching of Creationism- and ONLY creationism- in public school science class. Fuck equal time! Everyone knows the Earth is only 5,000 years old- God said so! And if the GOP is trying to shoehorn in half-measures like teaching "intelligent design theory" (cough), we can ONE UP them by insisting on full bible literalism- and nothing else- in public schools!
Finally, it's obvious to every brilliant Democratic leader from Zell Miller to Joe Lieberman that the reason we've been losing elections is because we're not far enough to the right. Unlike the GOP, our guys don't sprinkle their speeches with gratuitous references to God and Jesus, even while behaving in the most beastly, un-Christian fashion imaginable. No, it's a lack of smarmy god-talk and not enough constitution trampling (as opposed to, say, DLC mealy-mouthed-ness... combined with Corrupt GOP state officials and Diebold cooperating on widespread election theft) that is killing our party.
Come on. Everybody knows that the problem in American politics is obviously that the religious right doesn't have enough power, and certainly not more power than they deserve!
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