I'm proud of my limerick. This is the first one I've ever written.

Tim4319

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:38 PM
Original message

I'm proud of my limerick. This is the first one I've ever written.

There once was a president named Bushy,
all of the jobs he had were cushy.
He snorted some caine,
his brain cells are lame,
I want to see him out on his tushy!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x5066335

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Shadowen

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:39 PM
Response to Original message

1. Your meter is way off.

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alcibiades_mystery

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:40 PM
Response to Reply #1

2. Agreed

Meter is off on first and second lines at least.

Sorry :-(

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Tim4319

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:40 PM
Response to Reply #1

3. Is it? It's still a work in progress.

Thanks for the feedback.

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XNASA

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:44 PM
Response to Original message

4. Rewrite.

There once was a president Bushy,
And all of his jobs were made cushy.
He snorted some caine,
his brain cells are lame,
He should be thrown out on his tushy!

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Tim4319

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Mon Oct-17-05 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #4

9. I like, I like!

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ET Awful

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Mon Oct-17-05 12:50 PM
Response to Original message

5. How about . . .

There once was a man named Bush
Whose lies he paid folks to push
We'll all get excited
When his crew gets indicted
Let's throw him straight out on his tush.

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Tim4319

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Mon Oct-17-05 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #5

10. Nice.

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AverageJoe

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Mon Oct-17-05 01:19 PM
Response to Original message

6. There once were some limerick critics

There once were some limerick masters
Who said of your poem, "It's disaster's."
They took all the fun
From the work you had done
Like a couple of snooty old pastors!

-----

Critics, critics everywhere
and all the poems did shrink
Critics, critics everywhere
I don't know what to think....

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pattim

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Mon Oct-17-05 01:21 PM
Response to Reply #6

7. Well, you post something on a forum, and you're inviting comment.

They weren't mean. They were just pointing out that his meter was wrong.

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AverageJoe

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Mon Oct-17-05 01:25 PM
Response to Reply #7

8. I know

Just wanted to play, too! :-)

And, of course, the same logic about inviting comment applies to the critical posts as well.

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Tim4319

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Mon Oct-17-05 09:14 PM
Response to Reply #6

11. Now that's funny!

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