(Insert Mental Theme Music)
Announcer: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! It is time once again to play along with your favorite game show! SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY!!!
(Mental Applause)
Announcer: Tonight's winner (or winners in the case of a tie) will be enjoying a relaxing, all expenses paid stay in one of America's premier maximum security correctional facilities in the vicinity of our nation's picturesque capital, Washington DC!
(Mental Applause)
Let's meet our contestants.
Host: First we have "Slick" Dick Cheney. It says here that you are more a president than a traditional Vice president. It also says that your office is being investigated in connection with espionage, as well as, "outting" a covert agent of our own government as character assassination in an effort to lie the country into war. That sounds serious.
How's that working out for you?"
Contestant Number 1: We'll, How do you think it is working out? I am HERE aren't I? Go F-BLEEEEP yourself!
Host: I guess we will catch that in editing.
On to our second contestant. Join me in welcoming in the middle spot tonight, from the great state of Texas, Senator AND indicted felon, Tom "The Scammer" DeLay.
(Contestant 2 grins annoyingly)
(Mental Applause)
Host: Senator, the staff here at the show tells me that you were actually indicted twice in the same week. Is that really true?
Contestant Number 2: Yes. That's right. But, I consider it a great week in my life. I feel vindicated. I will finally be able to show the country through grinning from ear to ear that I am innocent and that the real felon here is Prosecutor Ronny Earle.
IT IS ALL A POLITICAL VENDETTA I TELL YOU!
(Contestant 2 grins annoyingly, Again)
Host: Well OK. Hope that works out for ya!
Contestant number 3, according to my notes you hold the office of Pres-Presi-PP, well, you know. That amazes me. I though the chair was empty. We seem to be experiencing a real power vacuum in Washington these days. What have you been up to?
Contestant Number 3: Well, what you have to understand is the chair is not empty. I sit there a lot. Sometimes I even make them bring the chair on vacation with us just so it will be occupied. When I am not sitting in it, there is a rotation of Marines that sits there for me.
Keeps it warm for when I come back. Heh heh, heh!
It's more my head and our administration's policies that are empty. What I am trying to say is don't blame it on the chair.
Host: That is very interesting. But, I was noticing that lately the entire White House seems out to lunch. Surely you have a staff that has some ideas and plans?
Contestant Number 3: Well, you see. It's like this. They tell me that there is this guy with some sort of Big Band Jury. I think it is one of those "Battle Of The Bands" kind of things we had back in college.
They have been really interested in this band jury. Not sure why. Maybe what they play is good dancing music? I haven't heard any of them. But, my guys - yeah, well call Condi that too. My guys are not paying much attention to important stuff like God's wrath on the Gulf coast or getting me regular coffee refills.
I have had it. I'll be really happy when this whole band event is over with.
Host: OK! You may want to pick up a newspaper and have someone read it to you on your way home from the studio Mr. Pre-PP-Pres, Contestant number 3!
(Mental Applause)
Host: LET'S GET STARTED!
Tonight's first round categories are: Treason, Lying To Congress, Dissemination Of Classified Information, Money Laundering, AND Conspiracy.
Hands on your buzzers and remember to phrase your answers in the form of a question.
That's just the way we we like to do things here on SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY!
(Mental applause followed by hushed anticipation of the first question...)
Please post the questions and answers of your choice from the above listed categories!
Now available in both a home edition and the brand new travel size. Perfect for those short, misdemeanor trips or a mimimum sentence of not less than one year!