An Open Letter to Tom Tancredo

November 4, 2005

The Hon. Thomas Tancredo
1130 Longworth House Office Bldg.
Washington, D.C. 20515-0606


Re: No Citizenship for Children of Illegal Aliens


Dear Rep. Tancredo

This is the first time I’ve ever written you, but I see you a lot on C-Span and on The Lou Dobbs’ show on CNN. I’ve always been one of your biggest fans. (By the way, you really look sharp in that blazer you always wear! Great haircut too!) Whenever I see one of your statements in the local paper I always make a point of clipping it out and showing it to my wife, Elzbeta Toth. She likes you a lot too.

Actually, Elzbeta and I both thought that we wouldn’t see much more of you on C-Span after you became President of “Colorado Term Limits, Inc.” and swore that oath to limit yourself to only three terms in the House of Representatives. We were sure glad when you changed your mind about it and ran for your fourth term back in 2004. We need more strong, patriotic Republicans like you in Congress! It’s guys like you that we need in there to keep this country from being overrun by Mexicans!

One of the things Elzbeta and I like most about you is how you always seem to notice things that others don’t. And I don’t just mean Mexicans. For example, you were the only one that I know of in Congress that noticed that the National Park Service had put up a memorial to the 9-11 victims of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania that was shaped in the form of a “crescent.” You were also quick to pick up on the fact that the Park Service was also going to use the word “Crescent” in the name it was going to give to the Memorial. Nobody but you remembered that “Crescents” are big-time Islamic symbols. You were right in pointing out to the Park Service that by calling the Flight 93 Memorial Crescent a “Crescent” it was really honoring the Islamic hijackers that stole the plane and not the victims! Elsbeta and I were pleased when you made the Park Service drop the word “Crescent” from the name of the Flight 93 Memorial. Great work! But there’s another “crescent” I wanted to tell you about. Besides being called “The Big Easy,” the city of New Orleans is also nicknamed "The Crescent City". Maybe you can do something about that and make New Orleans less Islamic too!

My wife and I also backed you completely when you fearlessly took on the Denver Public Library after you caught it trying to buy library books written in Spanish. Nobody else but you noticed that! But you were right! The only ones that would be reading Spanish books would be illegal Mexicans that don’t speak English. Buying library books in Spanish only encourages more illegal Mexican immigration! What a waste of money! Because it was an important matter, Elzbeta and I didn’t mind when you called what the Public Library was doing “cultural balkanization.” See, Elzbeta and I are originally from Hungary (which is in the Balkans). I guess Elzbeta and I are sort of “balkanized” too. Ha! Ha! Anyway, we knew you didn’t mean any offense.

Elzbeta and I were also right there with you when you said on that Florida radio show that if Osama Bin Laden blew up a U.S. city with a nuclear bomb, then we ought to do the same thing to Mecca and Medina and all those other Arab holy places. I know it made a lot of people angry, but that’s just good foreign policy thinking in my book. Did you discuss that with Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice before making your statement? Ha! Ha! I’ll bet you did! Anyway, I’m glad you stuck to your guns and refused to give an apology when those Muslims you offended all over the world were demanding one. Never compromise on matters of moral principle! That’s the Republican way!

And don’t think Elzbeta and I haven’t noticed your Presidential ambitions! You’ve certainly got our votes if you manage to get that Republican nomination. By the way, I looked on your website and noticed that you are presently ranked 9th among Republican candidates for 2008 – just behind Mike Huckabee and Hailey Barbour. Like I told Elzbeta, 9th is pretty good when you consider that you’re running against charismatic heavyweights like them. Keep on fighting! Pretty soon you’ll storm past Huckabee and Barbour and be challenging the likes of Santorum and Gingrich!

But I better get on to the reason for this letter. Elzbeta and I are both long-time Republican voters. We agree with you 100% that something should be done about all these Mexican immigrants that keep coming here and taking jobs from U.S. citizens. Your idea --building a big wall clear across the whole Mexican border -- makes a ton of sense to us. Even if it might cost the $8 Billion that people say it will – it’d still be worth it just to keep those Mexicans on the other side! But it’s your other idea – the one about taking U.S. citizenship away from U.S.- born children of illegal immigrants – that’s got Elzbeta and I a little nervous. We were wondering if you might write in an exception for U.S. born children of illegal Hungarians.

See, my wife, Elzbeta Toth, was born here in the U.S. but her parents, Ferenc and Matilda Esterhazy were both illegal immigrants at the time of her birth. They both came here in 1956 after the Hungarian Uprising by sneaking across the U.S. border from Canada. Matilda was later given asylum and she eventually became a U.S. citizen. However, Ferenc never bothered with the paperwork. Both of them were still illegal when Elzbeta was born in Pottstown, Pennsylvania in 1959. Unfortunately, in the mid-1960s Ferenc developed a really bad hemorrhoid problem and was deported after he was caught shoplifting anal suppositories from a drug store here in Indianapolis. Because Ferenc never got his papers, that makes Elzbeta the U.S.-citizen daughter of an illegal Hungarian immigrant – someone that could get deported if you get your Constitutional amendment passed. That’s got both Elzbeta and me wondering if your proposal to strip children of illegal immigrant parents of citizenship applies not just to Mexicans, but also to Hungarians. If Hungarians are included that might be bad news for Elzbeta.

Elzbeta and I have been married for over 30 years. I’d really hate to see her stripped of her U.S. citizenship and deported after all these years. That’s why I’ve written you. We’re both hoping that there might be some kind of exception for children of illegal Hungarians in your proposal. Ordinarily, I’m not one to ask for favors, but you’ve always seemed like a fair person during your appearances on Lou Dobbs’ show. I figured that a reasonable man like you would recognize the need for a special exception for Hungarians like Elzbeta.

I read somewhere that during the Vietnam War you didn’t have to serve in the army because you were mentally ill, prone to anxiety attacks, and were using mind-affecting drugs. When I read that it gave me hope that you would be sympathetic to Elzbeta’s plight. Being the beneficiary of a special exception yourself back in the 1960s, I was thinking that you might make a special exception for Elzbeta. How about it? Elzbeta and I would be really grateful if you did!

By the way, Elzbeta and I are both glad that you are no longer mentally disturbed and have stopped using mind-altering drugs.

Well, I know you’re a busy man, and I guess you’re still a long way from getting that Constitutional amendment to strip Mexican babies of U.S. citizenship passed. But I still wanted to give you an early heads up on Elzbeta’s special problem so that you could keep her in mind when drafting the wording of the amendment..

So, keep on fighting those Mexicans! Get that wall built and deport all their U.S.-born babies! Elzbeta and I are pulling for you!

Your friend,

Lazlo Toth
Voting for Republicans (both unindicted and indicted) since 1952!

(Inspired by Don Novello’s Lazlo Toth Letters)

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