Do Y'All Really Want Bush Out, Or Just Saying So?

Here's my soon-to-be-published short story that's the spanking of a lifetime for President Magoo. it's long, so cut and paste it into word perfect. ...I dare anyone to still support Kerry after they finish it.

....well, here it is, but the computer undid all my italics and indentations. ...if anyone wants me to forward it to them intact, leave email.


The Switch

Day 1
Lesson 1
8:01 a.m.

Teacher places a ten ounce glass containing five ounces of water on the desk and asks, “Class, is this glass half empty or half full?” Half of the students say “half empty.”
The teacher explains that the correct answer is half full since we’re supposed to look for the good in everything because that’s what makes everything good: looking for it. However, since there is potential good and bad in all things, seeing the good won’t always be easy—sometimes you have to look extra hard.
“For instance,” says the teacher, “if a teacher has a student who is very disruptive and doesn’t study, then seeing the bad would be easy; and it would also be very easy to write that student off as incorrigible. But if the teacher looks really hard and sees the potential of that student then with the extra attention, determination and patience required the teacher will bring out the good in her. Because good only arises out of a lot of effort and nurturing, whereas it is very easy to bring out the bad in something since all that requires is abuse and/or neglect. And nothing takes less talent than being destructive.
“Conversely, a teacher could have a student that always gets good grades and helps promote group cohesion. Even a pessimist could see the good in such a student since the good would be very easy to discern with no effort necessary (on the part of the teacher).
“So, in other words, class, perceiving beauty is simple. Creating beauty is work.
“Work is beautiful.”
Having finished the only lesson planned the teacher says the students are dismissed.
So the students all get together after class to think of a game to play until they have to go back to school the next day. One of the original optimists suggests that they try to figure out what the next question will be. To make it interesting and have some friendly competition he says that they should split up into two groups, the half who said half full, and the half who said half empty, i.e., Group O and Group P. (He actually figured that since Group P was too dumb to guess half full that he probably would be in the winning group.)
So, they split up to figure out what the next question will be and before long someone in Group O declares: “The next question will probably be Who wants to fill up the glass?”
So, the next day at school Group O is all excited to show off to the teacher that their team already knows what’s coming, but the teacher announces that “Although everyone said they understood that they’re supposed to look up, not everyone actually internalized the lesson, so you can all just go home again because I can’t move on until everyone is up to speed.”
Group P hadn’t actually bothered to try and guess the next question; they were just glad that they could go out and play. But Group O is befuddled, wondering who was gumming up the works. So, they figure that in the meantime they might as well just keep trying to anticipate all of the next lessons to impress the teacher. Before long someone comes to the conclusion that since they can’t actually go on until everyone looks up, then they won’t be able to go further until everyone actually brings in 5 ounces of water.
Unfortunately, the next day the same thing happens, so the teacher just sends them home again, reminding them that until everyone actually looks up they’re not going to go on. And this happens the next day too; and the day after that and the day after that; over and over again, year after year, so that the students in Group O have a lot of time to keep pursuing the teacher’s agenda. Within that time they figured that the next lesson would be how to make a 10 ounce glass. And they wouldn’t be able to move on until everyone actually built their own glass and filled it with water.
So, with all that time on their hands they were able to teach themselves how to build their own glasses. They were quite proud and were anxious for the teacher to finally move on so that they could show off what they had accomplished—and rub it in Group P’s faces. Meanwhile, Group P had decided sometime back that they ought to see if they could come up with the next lesson so that they wouldn’t be so far behind Group O. Unfortunately, though, everyone came up with different ideas for what the next question would be and they never were able to settle on just one of them. So they became dejected that they weren’t accomplishing anything. They eventually gave up and became indifferent. They ended up looking down.
Meanwhile, after Group O each successfully had built their own 10 ounce glass, they then determined that they should learn how to make wine; and then after that they should each learn how to cultivate their own unique brand of wine. Then, finally, after all that time and all that they had achieved, they realized that if they wanted to keep making progress then they’d have to build an 11 ounce glass.
For this stage of making progress, however, despite how relatively smoothly they had managed to quickly accomplish so much, now they were having tremendous difficulty figuring out how to successfully build an 11 ounce glass. For some unknown reason every prototype 11 ounce glass was always lacking structural integrity and would crack. So, now, when the teacher continued to just keep repeating lesson 1 Group O got restless and frustrated since they didn’t know what to do with themselves in lieu of working on making progress with construction. So, finally, on November 12, 2005, after the umpteenth time of the teacher telling them all just to go home after repeating the lesson, Group O decided to send a random delegation back to talk to the teacher in private and explain their disheartening setback.
“What are you waiting for?” they asked. “We tried to go on ahead by ourselves and for a while we were making such fantastic progress. But we’ve hit a wall for some reason. So we have to ask if you have any intention of letting us just go on to the next lesson without whoever it is in Group P that isn’t looking up. Or can you just tell us how to build an 11 ounce glass?”
“Well, let me ask you something. When do all of you intend to stop looking down?”
“Huh? Us? We haven’t been looking down. Just look at all the progress we’ve made.”
“Progress? Okay, I guess you could call it that. But tell me something. Why did you guys split up into two groups when you decided to go ahead without my guidance? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to stick together to maximize your labor force and collective ingenuity? Did you guys have something against Group P?”
“We just figured that they’d hold us back and make us look bad.”
“Well, that wasn’t a very optimistic way of looking at your fellow students, was it?”
Silence.
“Have you seen the so-called “progress” that Group P has made? Have you been to Mexico City or Uganda lately? Have you seen the children in China wearing surgeons’ masks in the playground? Have you any idea what a catastrophic problem the use of depleted uranium as weaponry is? Do you realize how much mercury is in the fish? Did you know that an ice shelf the size of Long Island broke off recently, which caused a school of penguins to have to walk a 112-mile round trip to bring food to their chicks? And dead polar bears have been found floating in the water because the ice patches that they drift on have become so much sparser. Have you not read Joe Klein’s September 22 Time article, “Is It Too Late To Win the War?” or Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream? Have you seen the kind of parking lot cities like Atlanta turn into every freaking work day? You would think their mayor never heard of The Law of Diminishing Returns. And have you seen how friggin’ cheesy everything has gotten? It’s all downright Depressing. The reason that you haven’t been able to build an 11 ounce glass is because it just can’t be done unless all of the builders are looking up. If you guys had been looking up on Group P all along, then the 11 ounce glass would have been structurally sound; simple as that.”
“Oh,” said one of the students. “But why didn’t you just tell us this a long time ago instead of letting us go up against that wall and have all this hassle?”
“Apparently, there’s only two ways for you to learn this lesson; either by listening to me, or by learning the hard way from your mistake.”
“Well,” said one of the students, “now that we’ve learned from our mistake everything should be pretty smooth sailing from here, right?”
“Do you really think that it could be that easy to fix such an exponential mistake after all this time? Did you not hear what I just said about the extent to which Group P’s penchant for indifference—along with your group’s penchant for ignoring the law of cause and effect in your frantic rush to make progress—has undermined Posterity? I guess if the “O” in Group O stands for “ostriches” then perhaps you’re good to go. But if you take your heads out of the sand then you’ll see it’s about time you all dropped down on your knees and prayed your hearts out for help from above, figuratively speaking.”
“Oh, come on. It’s not that bad. Surely those problems can be reversed through people power,” said a student.
“’People power’? Look, even if everyone among both group O and group P were smart and healthy (let alone honest), unless you get yourself some coordination power you can’t expect your people power to amount to a hill of beans. But, considering the actual state of the people in group P, even with coordination power you’re going to have to hold your breath. I mean, do you have any idea how rampant and PERVERSE pornography has become? Have you not heard about the utterly infuckingsane proselytizing going on at the Air Force Academy? Not to mention that these same people have commandeered sex education in public schools and insist on teaching the fantasy-based philosophy of abstinence only, while compounding the insanity by LYING to students. And have you not seen the documentaries The Corporation, Control Room and Outfoxed? Do you realize that not only do some of the students from Group P answer their cell phones at the movie theatre, but sometimes they will actually PLACE THE CALL. And did you know that some of them have gotten so silly, and so squeamish about letting their kids just be kids—and learn to cope with the pitfalls that are what make life life—that they’ve done away with dodge ball; the best kids game of them all. And some of them don’t even keep score at little league games anymore. And to top off the pathetic absurdity of it, in some cases…they don’t even call strikes: every kid can just stay up at bat until he hits it. How they can tell a game from a practice I’ll never know, but I’ve got perpetual vertigo from rolling my eyes 24/7. But, heck, why should I be surprised that the hoi polloi have gotten so lame when even the elite—who you would think would have a clue—can’t even demonstrate a modicum of common sense or conscience. I mean, just look at 5/9 of the Supreme Court. In Bush v. Gore they actually said with a straight face that counting all of the votes would be undemocratic because each district used different counting methods. By that rationale none of the votes anywhere should have been counted! Seriously, how come the other four Justices didn’t take them out to the shed, hold their feet to the fire and demand an explanation as to how it’s intellectually congruent to claim that Democracy is better served by selecting the wrong winner today just for the sake of not further prolonging the state of transitional limbo, instead of taking the necessary time to insure that the transition was Democratic? The only event more shameless and criminal was when the TV show 24 actually had the audacity to have Nina be the double agent even though she was the one who had previously warned the other agents that Jack was being coerced into killing the president. Yet, people still bothered to watch the following seasons. But why should I be surprised by something as inconsequential as that? After all, citizens are being sent to die for oil, yet during the daytime nobody even bothers to make the monumental effort needed to SHUT OFF THE FREAKIN’ LIGHTS OUTSIDE. But, hey, at least y’all can take solace in the fact that McDonald’s has a new healthy menu…and Ronald Fugging McDonald himself was on MSNBC to tell us about it.”
“Teacher, I’ve taught my teenagers that it’s cruel to bring children into this hellhole of a planet, so they should adopt if they want to have kids. Are you telling me that they’re taught that, therefore, they should remain abstinent for life? Don’t they realize that their policy is apt to compel guys to marry prematurely merely to avoid not having a sex life?”
“Who knows? I don’t think those people are capable of processing different points of views. Because if they were then they wouldn’t still be insisting on this policy despite the fact that the results of such a policy, both in Texas and nationally, have been increased teen pregnancies and increased STDs.”
One student raised her hand and asked: “Teacher, since you brought it up, don’t you think, though, that it worked out for the best that George W. Bush was selected president?”
“Only if you’re being sarcastic. Otherwise, are you asking because you don’t know the difference between good results and bad results? Or because you get your news from The Daily Fiction Constitution? And how can you be comfortable with a president who is the world’s worst communicator? Don’t you realize that a leader’s potential (to Mobilize) is directly proportional to how effective a communicator he is? Because, as parenting expert John Rosemond will tell us, ‘Good leaders and teachers use compelling speech.’ And do you not also realize that the other equally important attribute of an effective leader is trustworthiness?”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, suppose a genie offered you an unlimited lifetime supply of one of the following whenever you wanted more: gold, money, marijuana, or food or beverage, or weaponry, or everyone’s complete trust? Guess which one would be the most valuable choice?”
The student shrugged his shoulders.
“Let me put it this way: The guy who takes the trust would we permitted to give a back massage to practically any girl he wanted, whereas the guy who takes the money would actually have to expend a lot of money to eventually earn that kind of trust; and that still might not suffice.”
“Teacher, for those of us for whom it would be superfluous to pick the trust, what would be the next best choice?”
“That depends on how optimistically you view your future.”
“Actually, teacher,” said a different student, “it would make more sense to take the food as the first choice because you could wish for enough for everyone and then you’d have everyone’s trust as well.”
“Actually, student, since the real world doesn’t have magic genies it makes more sense to take the trust, and then with that trust direct the people to allocate enough farmland to feed everyone.
“So, anyway, whether it’s fair or not, Bush’s reputation is to the point where he got boos and whistles at the Pope’s funeral and Holland’s Supreme Court almost decided to have him arrested when he arrived there, and ‘opinion polls in many nations showed substantial numbers who thought “bin Laden was more likely to do the right thing than Bush.”’ And, considering that the words that come out of his mouth have no bearing on the man’s actions and decisions, you can’t tell me that his reputation is not deserved. I mean, the man claims to be compassionate, yet he eviscerates safety nets for the poor, and waives the Geneva Convention protections for prisoners—some of whom are innocent—and has no problem allowing a man to be executed even when the sole witness of the crime admits to making it up for the reward money and the alleged murderer was so slow that he held the gun backwards when the police put the murder weapon in his hand. And speaking to a journalist about Karla Faye Tucker he did a mock imitation of the her saying: ‘Ohh, please don’t kill me.’ (It’s criminal that Democrats and journalists didn’t just repeat this footage around the clock until it finally was the death knell for Bush’s presidential aspirations.)”
“Wow,” said the student. “I had no idea how ignorant I was of Mr. Bush’s inconsistencies and utter lack of leadership qualities. Gosh, now I’m suddenly frightened to realize just what kind of jeopardy we’re in as long as such a man remains in charge. What do you think we should do about it, teacher?”
“Well, let’s suppose for the sake of argument that Mr. Bush is actually a decent man with good intentions; (humor me). If so, then you guys should let him in on the newsflash that Communicative Prowess and Trustworthiness are the most integral attributes of a Real Leader; and remind him that whenever he communicates he sounds like someone who has no idea what he’s talking about, especially on the subjects of Truth, Justice and the so-called American Way.”
“Could you give some examples of his inability to communicate?”
“Well, just pick anytime he’s spoken and there’s a 99% chance that it’s embarrassing to listen to him, unless every word was written for him in advance; (and even then, don’t hold your breath). But the quintessential example that--.”
“Teacher! Teacher! I bet you’re going to say that the quintessential example is either the time he said, a) ‘You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test’; b) ‘What’s not fine is, rarely is the question asked, are, is our children learning?’; c) the time when he used the esoteric word “dissemble” and then facetiously added in his usual pedantic tone, ‘that means to not tell the truth.’ …except he didn’t actually say “dissemble,” he said “disassemble.”; d) the fact that he said during the State of the Union address, ‘You’re either with us or against us,’ but then 2 years later told the White House press corps that ‘foreign policy is not an either/or proposition.’; or, e) When he said at a rally: ‘I made it perfectly clear during the debates: There will NOT be an all volunteer army!’”
“Close, but the quintessential example that the man can’t communicate comes from his own admission during a debate with Al Gore where he was asked why he said Jesus Christ was his favorite political philosopher. He responded that, ‘It’s not something you can explain.’ Well, somebody should have explained to him right then and there that the first prerequisite to being a qualified politician is that you must be able to explain what the core of your political philosophy is. I mean, for Christ’s sake, there are 5-year-olds who could explain in one sentence why Jesus Christ is a good political role model. The degree to which that grated me to the core can only be expressed in the inimitable style of Howard Dean: RAHYARGHEERAGH!!!”
“But, teacher,” remarked one student wryly, “at least Bush’s policies reflect the teachings of Jesus. After all, didn’t Jesus say something to the effect of: ‘Lead by example—torture your enemies, bullshit your ass off and rape Mother Nature.’?”
“Teacher, if Bush had been capable of articulating the Republican philosophy perhaps he would have said: ‘The Republican ideology is that the government can’t be trusted…so elect us because I’m telling you up front that you can’t trust us once you do.’”
“Teacher, you should think before you speak. I mean, give me a break. How can you say that that was the quintessential example? Did you not see the entire first debate between him and Kerry?”
“Oh, yeah,” said the teacher. “I completely forgot about that. I guess I repressed that memory because it was so frightening and heart-wrenching to see that the leader of the so-called greatest country on Earth deserves to have his mouth duct taped for life.”
“Teacher, don’t you think, though, that the argument could be made that the fact that his town hall meetings screen out those who might ask him to communicate explanations for some things he’s got some serious s’plainin’ to do, is the most beyond-the-pale example that not only can’t he communicate, but he doesn’t even think he’s obligated to? In fact, we’re lucky he even deigns to have fake town hall meetings since he actually said once that he doesn’t think a President has to make explanations; which is totally in keeping with his tactful joke that ‘it would be a lot easier if this were a dictatorship….just so long as I was the dictator.’”
“Yup, that argument could be made. Although I’d sooner argue that he shouldn’t communicate; as was proven when he showed his bravado by saying, ‘Bring ‘em on!’
“Anyhow, after you hammer home to him that incoherency is not a political asset; let him know that he engenders outrage and contempt across the globe. Once he then realizes that his very presence in office is grossly undermining America’s security, he’ll surely have no choice but to step up to the plate and resign. What’s more, if he truly wants the chance to demonstrate to the world that he is indeed all about Democracy and Diplomacy, then he would acknowledge the cold hard evidence that John Kerry is the legitimate winner of the 2004 election; and thus allow Mr. Kerry to be sworn in as the rightful commander in chief.”
“John Kerry?!” exclaimed one of the students. “But you just said that for a leader to be effective he has to be someone who the people trust. Yet John Kerry already has thousands of veterans who hate his guts. It made no sense whatsoever for the man to even have run, especially during a time of war!”
“Well,” said the teacher, “that’s why I think Mr. Kerry should have his citizenship revoked. The worst part, though, is that the man doesn’t even have 20/20 vision in hindsight. I mean, he said knowing what he knows now, he still would have voted for the authorization on the war. Yet, he’s the one who was always griping that Bush never came back to Congress as he said he would. So, if Kerry could go back in time he would tell Congress, ‘Hey, I’m from the future and I can tell you that even though Bush says he’ll come back to Congress, he won’t. But I still say we should vote yes, anyway.’ Because of that absurdly imprudent comment, Hillary Clinton had to defend Mr. Kerry to Tim Russert by saying, ‘I think John’s point was that you can’t make decisions in hindsight.’ How the Democratic party didn’t just dissolve into thin air from complete lack of intellectual congruence when she said that, I’ll never know.”
“Well,” said one student, “it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Democrats are intellectually incongruent. After all, Kerry is so stupid that he told Tavis Smiley that ‘the American people are not stupid.’ Evidently, nobody told him that his own party picked him over Clark because they overestimated just how stupid American voters are.”
“Well, now,” said the teacher, “I wouldn’t say Americans are stupid. Let’s just say that they’re really, really bad listeners regarding ideas they’ve already formed an opinion about.”
“Teacher, if you think that’s bad, how about the time that Kerry said that he didn’t own an SUV…but then when they asked him about his wife’s vehicle he said, ‘That’s the family’s SUV.’ Or the time on St. Patrick’s Day when he said, ‘I may not be Irish, but at least I’m not French.’ And if you ever ask Ralph Nader what he thinks of him, he won’t shut up about how he’s almost as much of a Corporatist as Bush. And worst of all was the time Kerry was asked about the collision on the slopes with a secret service guy. Kerry actually said, ‘I didn’t fall, that son of a bitch knocked me down.’ How on Earth did the Democrats expect anyone to take them seriously when they didn’t insist Kerry withdraw for saying something like that? Or at the very least give an obligatory apology.”
“Your question assumes politicians know how to stop playing politics for ten minutes.”
“So, teacher, who would you have preferred as the nominee instead of Kerry?”
“Do you even have to ask? I mean, it’s completely beyond me how the other candidates were able to say with a straight face that General Wesley K. Clark wasn’t the most electable and most qualified. The Democrats owe everyone a big apology for even having to waste all that time and money on the primary process; not to mention for dividing and conquering themselves by playing politics instead of just showing a unified front the one time it was a desperate imperative. I mean, do you have any idea how many oodles of folks said they could have voted for Clark over Bush, but not Kerry over Bush?? To top it off, after the election Kerry said to Tim Russert, ‘I can understand why people may have been uncomfortable changing commander in chief during a time of war.’ Well, DUH. You would think he—and the rest of the Democrats—would have figured that out BEFORE the election….and thus realized the need to put everything they had behind General Clark so that they could have run a campaign on one word: UPGRADE."
“But, teacher,” said a student, “that would have been undemocratic to skip the primaries.”
“You say that as if not having all the primaries on one day doesn’t totally undermine the democratic process anyway; (or that Kerry’s the better man merely by virtue of being able to avoid dropping out because he could afford to gamble on mortgaging his home). But what’s so anti-democratic about acknowledging that one particular man happens to be the best man for the job, hands down? I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have at least debated amongst themselves who was the most qualified and electable. That’s the heart of democracy. I’m just saying that I find it incomprehensible that they wouldn’t all come to this simple and obvious conclusion, especially at this particularly delicate moment in history. But, heck, why should I have expected prudence from dopes who were so irresponsible as to trust The World’s Biggest Schmuck to act in good faith…and who still fail to acknowledge their blame and apologize for the fact that, HELLO!!!, IT WAS UNCONSTITUTIONAL FOR CONGRESS TO ABDICATE ITS AUTHORITY TO WAGE WAR!! (Read Peter Irons’ War Powers if you think otherwise.)”
“Well,” said one student, “according to one gentleman I met who would’ve voted for Clark but didn’t vote for Kerry: ‘The Democrats must have a death wish.’ So, I guess that explains their unpragmatic politics.”
“But he’s a general,” said the second most immature student in the class. “How can I, a person of peace, vote in good conscience for a man who believes in war? I could certainly concur that he’d be the best man for the job as Secretary of Defense, but a military man has no business behind the desk of the Oval Office; especially since he wouldn’t pull us out of Iraq immediately if left up to him.”
The teacher told that student to go stand in the corner for making blanket generalizations; and told her she’s welcome to stay after class to go over the fallacy that Clark has some reason to apologize for his role in Kosovo. “For now, though,” said the teacher, “don’t think for a second that collateral casualties wouldn’t have been greater if anyone else had lead that operation. Frankly, I’m very sorry I didn’t hit folks like you over the head with a sledgehammer so that you’d understand that in a multi-lateral peacekeeping operation the more middlemen there are in the command structure of the decision making process, the greater the likelihood of tragedy and the delay of success. Thus, conversely, even if peacenik Kucinich was President now and he delegated all matters pertaining to Iraq and national security to Secretary Clark, in all discussions with allies and potential allies Clark would always be lacking the critical advantage of being able to, unequivocally, say, ‘I’m the guy.’ …And if someone’s got a knife in him you don’t just pull it right out.”
But a gay soldier who served under Clark said, “Well, I’m offended that he didn’t say he’d force the Pentagon to revoke the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy the way every other Democratic candidate did. He merely said he’d tell the Pentagon to come up with some other compromise for him to review.”
The teacher told that student to come stand front and center, then told him: “GROW UP, YOU LITTLE BABY!! In the real world a politician has to be sensitive to backlashes that will occur if you impose a new framework into an institutional mindset too suddenly. Just because you’re in the right, doesn’t mean it would be politically expedient for Clark to shove such an objectionable policy down their throats. Frankly, you would think the other candidates would have had enough sense to defer to Clark’s opinion on this since “obviously” a military man would have a better grasp of the delicate psychological and political dynamics involved. …it’s called picking your battles; a.k.a. priorities.”
However, Martin Sheen and Rob Reiner stood up and objected on the grounds that Wes initially was for an amendment against flag burning. “Well,” said the teacher, “I know you extrapolated from that that he might then curtail other aspects of the First Amendment, but the man spent his entire adult life amongst those who had the most emotional attachment to that symbol. So, good for him for being empathetic towards his fellow soldiers. Anyway, why hold it against him since, as you know, when Democrats gave him flack for saying that, he compromised and said, ‘I’ll let the people decide.’? That certainly sounds like a person who is about listening and facilitating Democracy. Besides, didn’t you notice when he didn’t undermine Michael Moore’s right to, accurately, label W. a deserter? What’s more, the man said that when President he’d hold genuine monthly town hall meetings. That, gentlemen, would be the ballgame.”
“Teacher, ever since the media turned Moore’s comment into Clark’s political deathblow when it should have been Bush’s political deathblow, I’ve had to take medication to control seizure attacks. Do you think I should sue the Liberal media for not doing their job back in 2000 by making sure that every American knew that Bush is indeed a deserter; (let alone making sure that everyone was aware that Bush LIED 3 times in 2000 when he told reporters that the extent of his D.U.I. incident in Maine from 1976 was that he was pulled over and then paid a fine at the police station that same night and that was the end of it—despite the fact that records indicate something much different)? After all, it’s documented that Bush had been ‘suspended from flying status’ for ‘failure to accomplish his annual medical examination,’ and that his commanding officers at Houston’s Ellington Air Force Base were unable to evaluate his performance between May 1, 1972 and April 30, 1973 because ‘Lt. Bush has not been observed at this unit during the period of report.’?”
“Hell, yeah! I would pay good money to see the outcome of a class action law suit by every American against the Liberal media for its complicity in allowing Wubya to get anywhere near the White House.”
“Be that as it may,” whined another student, “Clark was never a legislator, so he wouldn’t know what to do. Only a bureaucrat can get anything done in a bureaucracy.”
The teacher told that student to go stand in the other corner because, “It’s pretty darn myopic to think that a man with his extensive military and academic achievements wouldn’t be able to get the job done. But don’t just take my word for it; ask the 55 ambassadors who endorsed him. They probably had confidence in the guy because he’s a West Point valedictorian Rhodes Scholar with 3 Master’s Degrees from Oxford University (and in the perfect subjects: economics, political science and philosophy) who speaks 4 languages. He even taught economics and political philosophy at West Point. He also worked at the White House Office of Budget and Accounting and has an investment banker’s license and was on the board of directors of a business and even started one of his own. And when he was a lobbyist for a security company he had the character to speak up when he thought the line of influence was being crossed. He was also the military equivalent of mayor of a 10,000-man base. And, of course, as the Supreme Allied Commander of NATO nobody can beat his track record for being able to walk the tightrope between logistics, politics and diplomacy when leading a military intervention by many nations in concert, which you would know if you read his book, Waging Modern War.
“Besides, experienced and brilliant or not, a president doesn’t have to have legislative experience to be able to negotiate and orchestrate. He merely needs to understand the power of the bully pulpit. Clark would simply stand in front of Congress on live TV and say, for instance, ‘From now on we’ll have instant run-off voting and Election Day will be a day off. And the plan B contraceptive pill will be over the counter for any age group and recreational drugs will no longer be a crime. If anyone has a problem with that, then stand up and say why.’ Since there’s no good reason to object, then, problems solved. (And so that the people can have faith once more in our Supreme Court, he ought to ask those 5 criminal Supreme Court judges to either resign or defend their rationale for stopping the vote counting.)”
“But,” said one student, “I’ve heard from some military men that he stepped on some toes in order to move up in the ranks sooner than he deserved. And Wes’ superior officer, General Shelton, showed contempt for him when he said, ‘I wouldn’t vote for him.’”
“I can’t believe that suckers like you fell for that smear campaign! Trust me, if you read Clark’s book you’ll see that Shelton’s the unprofessional one with ulterior motives. I would have thought that anyone following the campaigns that closely would have enough political savvy to not needed it pointed out that, sadly, it’s Shelton and many of his buddies in the Pentagon who, no doubt, must have been shaking in their combat boots at the prospect of an honorable military man with accounting skills coming in to clean house. Perhaps, though, Shelton can explain the glowing letter of praise he gave to Wes upon his retirement. Also, when he was asked why he had reservations about Clark he didn’t even give an answer. And just to prove that he can stand up to any intellectually honest scrutiny, feel free to check out the most hostile website there is on Clark: zpub.com/un/clark3.html; (go to u-wes-a.com for a more accurate picture; and check this baby out: http://www.uncommonknowledge.org/01-02/606.html.) At any rate, if the worst you can say about the man is that he’s guilty of being overly ambitious, then what’s your point? However, since there's also been a ton of former Generals, including Colin Powell, who have endorsed him, I’m gonna give Wes the benefit of the “doubt”. After all, just because I think Wes’ character is lacking because he likes to hunt, it doesn’t mean he lacks character. Because, frankly, I have serious trouble doubting the character and integrity of a man who volunteered to go to Vietnam (and was shot 4 times) and then opted to commit his life to serving in the military instead of resting on his exemplary academic laurels in order to make a million dollars a year.”
“Teacher,” said General Barry McCafferty, “we could fight Kosovo a thousand times, and we would lose a thousand times. Wes Clark is a national treasure. ”
“You ain’t kidding. When the man was a 41-year-old commander his car broke down but he didn’t have the $2000 to get it fixed. So he spent a month in a junkyard rebuilding it from spare parts. That’s what you call A Man’s Man. Isn’t that what you people have been dying for in a president!? A self-reliant guy who knows what it’s like to have to pinch pennies. I mean, if a genie told you to envision the perfect description of a president to create from thin air, the best political fiction writer wouldn’t be able to top that. ….or perhaps you’re actually more of an eternal optimist than I am, so you’re going to hold out for a literal genie to refill the Oval Office without any of the transition costs?”
For about a minute the teacher’s prize student had been trying to contain his overwhelming church laughter, but then, finally, he inadvertently made a sound like he was trying to clear his sinuses and choking at the same time.
“Did I say something funny?” the teacher asked.
“You said that you expected the people who followed the primaries closely to be politically savvy. Yet the obstinate diehard Kucinich supporters need to be told that, as Rhandi Rhodes put it: “He could never win an election because he doesn’t look good on the TV.” And the Deaniacs are oblivious of the fact that poise is a relevant attribute of a viable leader. After all, who among them anticipated that Rush Limbaugh would have had a valid point if he had been given the chance to say that it would be disconcerting to imagine al-Qaeda watching the Dean scream over and over the night before President-elect Dean was to be sworn in; let alone that any qualified pragmatist from the Dean camp would have known after the scream that it was time to cut their losses. Thus they would have seen the opportunity for Dean to put his stamp on Clark so as not to lose the leverage of his base, instead of just letting the chips fall where they may, even if that meant we’d get stuck with two of the guys who think that the Constitution only applies when not inconvenient.”
“Teacher, I’m with you. I mean, Clark’s actually a cool guy who doesn’t try to fit into the stereotypical politician mold. Like, did you see when he was campaigning in New Hampshire at a pancake breakfast live on C-Span and someone asked him what he’d do if anyone tried to question his patriotism and he said, in jest, ‘I’ll beat the shit out of ‘em.’ Then when his aid was later asked if Clark meant to really say that, he told him, ‘He meant to say, ‘I’ll beat the living shit out of them.’”
“Uhm,” said one student, “won’t that alienate the Christian right?”
The teacher said, “Well, I didn’t see them, or their president, make a fuss when Cheney, on the Senate floor, told Senator Leahy, ‘Go fuck yourself.’”
“Perhaps Bush and his supporters had the foresight to say nothing because they anticipated that it was only a matter of time before Bush’s true colors slipped out—as on July 27 when he gave the White House press corps the middle finger as he departed—so they knew it would be hypocritical if they had chastised Cheney for that. After all, they wouldn’t want to be hypocritical, that would be undignified.”
“But, teacher, Clark wasn’t such a hot campaigner,” lamented one student.
“And Kerry was? Besides, even though he had a few missteps (which were more the product of the media’s sophomoric way of analyzing), if you had seen the time in South Carolina when he knelt beside a crying grandmother and held her hand as he answered her question about her grandson who died from not having better healthcare, you would have had no doubt in his sincerity and humanity. And if you had seen his speech at the Jefferson Dinner you would have, like me, been jumping up and down and clapping ecstatically with anticipation over him being our next President. And if you thought for yourself then you wouldn’t have fallen for the Liberal media’s bullshit when, after round 4, they said that it was down to just Edwards and Kerry even though Clark actually made a better showing in the previous day’s primaries than Edwards. And if you had any spine then you’d have boycotted CNN for not firing Bob Novak for the 2 asinine and unprofessional questions he asked Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen about Wes. At any rate, do you want a man who knows how to campaign, or do you want a man who knows how to lead and govern? Besides, your point only underscores the need for Democrats to have simply rallied around the man to help take up the slack left due to his inexperience as a campaigner. I mean, can you just imagine the public’s reaction to him and the Democratic Party if they had made such an unprecedented move? Everyone would have said, ‘Wow, the Democrats aren’t kidding when they say that security is their top priority; and, man, Clark is certainly someone who we can be proud to SHOW OFF to the world.’”
“Well, hold on,” one student cautioned. “What about the shoot-first-ask-questions-later contingent like Libertarian talk show host Neil Boortz and the like? They don’t like the general because he was against the war.”
“Actually,” said the teacher, “if you read Clark’s Congressional testimony along with what he said to the New York Times on his first day campaigning you’ll see that ‘it’s not that simple.’ It wasn’t about for or against. It was about timing and pacing; …and whether or not Mr. Hussein was contained. In a nutshell, Clark’s brilliant philosophy is that you don’t bite off more than you can chew. (Which is also why he’d be a good president: he understands the basic principle of priorital resource allocation.) As such, he knew that there was still plenty of time to merely nibble at Iraq so they could finish what they started in Afghanistan. And, considering that, before 9/11, Collin Powell said that Hussein “has not developed any significant capability with respect to weapons of mass destruction. He is unable to project conventional power against his neighbors,” and Brent Scowcroft also felt that Saddam was contained and not a threat to his neighbors, let alone America, it sure seems like Bush and the nation would have been better served by heeding Wesley’s advice.”
“Look, teacher,” said Negative Nancy, “anybody with a fact checker and a soap box can prove to all sane people that Bush is nothing if not a mistake. But just because you can get virtually everyone to agree that Mr. Bush is as bad as it gets and needs to resign, does not mean that you could ever get virtually everyone to concur that Clark is as good as it’s gonna get for his replacement.”
“Well,” said the teacher, “then I must be a fool, because I can’t imagine who on Earth anyone could offer as an alternative whose track record of achievements could instill more trust and confidence than Wesley’s record. You would think that people would just be grateful that there’s a guy with his credentials to make this such a no-brainer, so we could all unite behind the most universally amenable replacement; if for no other reason than to demonstrate to our troops that we really do support them—even if it means putting politics on hold. I mean, I dare anyone to pass a lie detector while saying: ‘I support our troops, and yet, despite Bush’s track record of much, much, much room for improvement as his role of commander versus Clark’s shining track record as a commander, I have every reason to believe that less of our soldiers will die under Bush’s continued command than would under Clark’s.’”
Then, Jack Nicholson raised his hand, and in his best Jack Nicholson impersonation drawled, “Teacher, c’mon. It’s an exaggeration to say that it’s a ‘no-brainer’ to have to decide between an experienced and articulate West Point valedictorian who was endorsed by fifty-fucking-five ambassadors, or a “President” who doesn’t even fucking say boo when nobody informs him that his wife has been brought into a fucking bunker. You really shouldn’t be so flip about something which requires very serious reflection. (Besides, it’s not like the Gulf States would find it particularly handy if we had the Supreme Allied Commander for a President RIGHT FUCKING NOW. After all, I hear that FEMA and Georgie boy did a bang up fuckin’ job with their Johnny-on-the-spot response to Katrina! In fact, he was so on the ball with anticipating the unprecedented chaos that the meteorologists made abundantly clear was coming, that he still had time to spare for a round of golf on the second day of the disaster. ….And you’d have us believe that Clark’s experience would have made all the difference in the world in a disaster of this scope, Mr. Histrionics. Perhaps you underestimate just how monumentally reassuring it was to see that when he first addressed the nation on Wednesday he was sun burnt. And what could instill more confidence in a crisis than seeing that the president is going to jump into the situation one-hundred-fucking-percent recharged from a month long vacation?)”
“Yeah, teacher, just because virtually everyone, after 9/11, gave lip service, genuine and otherwise, to the notion that it would be in everybody’s best interest to agree with the president’s decisions—for the country to be United—doesn’t mean that the non-Liberals and the non-progressives and the non-Democrats and the non-lefties would ever be mature enough to just agree to agree for the sake of avoiding a leadership vacuum, and acknowledge that Clark has the potential to appeal to the farthest and widest swath of the public; thereby making him the clear best choice to take the helm. Because the bottom line is that if Clark were to commandeer the podium, if you will, then, being the good leader that he is, he’ll make us actually have to take our medicine and acknowledge that the status quo, at the very least, needs someone to hit the pause button. And you’re really overestimating the grit and solidarity of Americans if you think for a minute that they’ll be able to acquiesce to allowing in a leader who will force us to have to take off our blinders.”
“Perhaps,” said the teacher, “but I think once you finish reading this you’ll believe that the contrarians like Boortz will be just as motivated as the rest of us to carry UPGRADE NOW signs.”
“Teacher, you think you’re so smart, but I guess you didn’t know that Clark almost started WWIII with the Russians over an airfield. So, nyah, nyah.”
“For all anyone will ever know, he averted WWIII. What I know based on his account is that he verbally demarcated certain boundaries for the Russians not to breach. Said enforcees listened and complied. Clark’s side retained the upper hand. You think he read how to do that in a manual? You think he didn’t already know that that decision/recommendation could end up biting everybody in the ass? …Yet you’re complaining.”
“But, teacher,” reminded one student, “what about the fanatical nutjobs who claim that Kerry and Clark are just as bad as Bush? You can’t expect them to ever be satisfied unless the Green Party candidate was in charge.”
The teacher told that student to go stand in the corner for dignifying such silliness.
“Still, teacher,” bemoaned the most immature student in the class, “how do you expect us Democrats to overlook that he used to be a Republican?”
“Either tell me how that’s relevant to whether he’s honorable and qualified, or go stand in the other corner.”
“All right, all right. You made your point. The most important decision in the history of civilization and we flew right past the exit even though we had all the time in the world to do our homework. But even if we could convince Bush to be a hero and acknowledge that John Kerry is actually the legitimate President, then that would still leave Wesley twiddling his thumbs.”
Said the teacher: “Do I have to spell out everything? Kerry could simply change his choice for VP to Clark and then resign the minute after he and Clark are sworn in.”
“Or, better yet,” said one student, “Bush could just fire Cheney and replace him with Clark and then resign. And then Wes could pick Dennis Kucinich as his VP.”
“Great idea,” said the teacher. “And then I can finally stop crying myself to sleep every night over the fact that America’s finest and most brilliant Patriot didn’t get the chance to demonstrate just how much character, potential, and heart America actually has if guided by a true team player with the knowledge, experience, and communication skills required to bring America’s ideals to fruition.”
“And then,” said another student, “Dennis could implement and head his Department of Peace and Efficiency wherein he’d initiate a plan to see that we allocate enough farmland to provide ample healthy food to Iraq. That way, it’ll be a deterrent for terrorists to nuke us because then all that valuable farmland would be tainted forever. Because if we don’t come up with a long-term plan, then we’re history.”
“Exactly,” said the teacher. “And here’s what I want you to tell Dennis for me. Everyone write these two words down because it’s the most important long-term strategy and no one else has thought of it yet: RENEWABLE ENERGY.”
“Uhm, teacher, actually, a lot of people have already been harping on that. But I could see how even someone like you could have been fooled to think otherwise judging by results thus far. Incidentally, teacher, can you please take a moment to hand out these flyers I printed up. If everyone each makes 11 copies and the people they give them to make 11 copies, and so on, then perhaps we’ll be able to find a way to de-escalate the predicament we’re in.” The flyer read: “Dear Iraqis and Afghanis and Everyone Else Caught in the Wake of America’s Assbackwards Foreign Policy: Most Americans are supremely sorry for having been complacent in our duty to restrain our government from criminality and wanton violence. For what it’s worth, most of us are also perennially betrayed by this same government to one degree or another. Please tell us if there’s anything we can do—besides the obvious of replacing Bush with someone from outside his bubble—so that you won’t want to kill “infidels” anymore. Surely there must be something American infidels can do to undo that status. According to Erik Saar , one of our military linguists who interviewed a Muslim P.o.W., Muslims ‘greatly respect Christians and Jesus.’ So, despite the 87 photos of prisoner abuse which have probably been made public by the time you read this—photographs that Republican Senator Lindsey Graham said ‘depicted rape and murder,’ and Donald Rumsfeld described as ‘inhuman’--please give us a second chance to show you that we can indeed give more than just lip service to Christian principles.”
“On that note, teacher,” said another student, “I took the liberty of putting together a petition to alert Martha Stewart that all of the signatories will be setting themselves on fire unless Dawn is invited back for a second chance on next season’s The Apprentice. I swear, I came this close to biting the head off of a chicken when Martha gave that project manager a free pass. Next thing you know she’ll be negotiating with hostage takers!”
“Excellent. What better way to send the message that from now on grievous injustice everywhere will not be tolerated. Where do I sign?”
“Teacher, I’m surprised you’d want Kucinich on board since I got the feeling that you wanted to slap him for not having the political common sense pragmatism to drop out and endorse Clark as the best man for the job.”
“For not hedging his bets I do want to slap him, figuratively speaking. But I’ll have to let it go. After all, Wes deserves to be slapped as well for not setting himself on fire in order to insist that the powers that be listen to reason and experts; and thereby send in massive numbers of troops. In fact, all of the professionals in the know should have set themselves on fire in order to underscore the black and white argument that the “fighting them over there, instead of over here” strategy is cockamamie since it’s predicated on having unlimited troops, time and resources.”
“Uhm, not to be a pessimist,” said one student, “but it would take a miracle to convince Bush to step down of his own volition.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” said the teacher. “But why should I doubt that this miracle could happen? After all, George is proud to be more Godly than the next guy so why would he hesitate at the opportunity to facilitate a miracle, or Be The Miracle, if you will. I mean, he said God wanted him to be president, so now is his chance to prove it since only a true man of faith could ever have the grace to hand his power over to the “other side,” as it were. Conversely, I said early on that Clark was the miracle candidate, so perhaps this was meant to be. So, go get George’s pals, Reverend Billy Graham and Pastor Joel Osteen, and tell them you need a favor because we have a situation that needs to be remedied URGENTLY. …Unless you’d rather just tuck your tails between your legs and resign yourselves to the fate of the world under W.’s watch. Personally, I’d rather believe that Paul Westerberg was right when he sang that ‘Miracles always happen when they have to happen.’ And this needs to happen if y’all don’t want civilization to come to a screeching halt.”
Forest Gump, however, didn’t quite get the logic of having this sort of faith in George. “Teacher, now you’re talking crazy,” said Forest. “That man would not recognize a miracle if it slapped him on the buttocks.”
The teacher paused to open up the fridge and grab a pitcher of ice water to fill up the glass on the desk. He took a small swig and then threw the rest in the face of a student in the front row to make sure he had everyone’s full attention.
“Class, in case you haven’t noticed, our foray into Iraq has become, in Clark’s words, ‘a crisis.’ Over a year ago I was warning that, since the troops didn’t have the upper hand, there was no reason to think that they would ever be able to gain it…and, therefore, our demise over there was inevitable. (And they laughed at me when I pleaded with people to tell Bush that the honorable and smart thing to do was to just concede that Clark is the inarguably better man for the job and would trounce Bush come election time, so Bush should have just resigned for Clark the day he threw his hat in the ring, so he could start doing damage control sooner than later. Call me crazy, but wouldn’t such a gracious, magnanimous, and correct gesture have been the simplest, most healing and most unifying decision possible?) Now, granted, as much as the current situation has borne out my prescience, General Clark says that we can still achieve success. But, of course, as he explained on the O’Reiley Factor on June 29, achieving that success will hinge on the right decisions and acts of diplomatic finesse. And, as he reminded Mr. O’Reiley, he’s successfully finessed our allies before, so he knows it can be done. If the right guy does it. (I missed the beginning of the interview so I don’t know if he reminded O’Reiley that virtually every decision made pertaining to Iraq has been off the mark; as, for instance, Clark mentions on p. 171 of his book: ‘Disbanding the Iraqi army—effectively adding 400,000 angry, armed men to the ranks of the unemployed—must rank as one of the least efficacious moves in recent U.S. peacekeeping operations.’ Or, from p. 169: ‘Despite all the evidence pointing to the unsuitability of the Army to a long overseas deployment, no extra resources had been provided to prepare for a drawn-out campaign in Iraq. Moreover, other diplomatic levers had been neglected and international alternatives discarded. U.S. foreign policy had become dangerously dependent on its military. The armed forces were practically the only effective play in the U.S. repertoire.’ Or p. 147: ‘o alternatives to the use of force were attempted. Longer-term containment, accompanied by intrusive inspections, was dismissed without real discussion. The viability of inspections was consistently undercut by statements from leading administration officials who debunked them in principle as ineffective. Therefore, it mattered not whether Saddam complied with the UN Security Council Resolution or not—no compliance would ever have been adequate to assuage the Bush’s administration’s concerns about his hidden capabilities. …Nor was any evidence presented of any imminent Iraqi threat to the United States or its allies. And imminence was the key.’)
“We’re in a foxhole, class. And when you’re in a nosedive it doesn’t hurt to pray for a miracle, especially if a miracle is your only hope. Bush stepping down and giving his blessings for Clark with Grahm’s and Osteen’s approval is the only way I can foresee us threading this needle. You can’t force the man to do it, but you can force into the public arena the reminder that conventional wisdom understands that a leader is not doing his people any favors by holding on to his power if and when his international reputation is less than rock bottom, especially if he brings absolutely Didley Squat to the table.
“No one disputes that going in with too small of a force was a catastrophic mistake. The only thing worse than making a catastrophic mistake is not acknowledging it. Mr. Bush remaining in charge is to not acknowledge an even bigger catastrophic mistake, thereby compounding the problem irreparably.”
“Ya know,” said one student, “the teacher makes an excellent point. I mean, how could anyone dare argue that Bush stepping down would be unwise? You’d have to believe that putting your worst face and worst decision maker forward is good diplomacy. Seriously, just imagine how much tension and hostility would be defused in the Middle East if we could hang up an UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT sign; not to mention the likelihood of renewed co-operation with our allies…most of whose leaders already personally know and respect General Clark. (In fact, he’s even been knighted TWICE.) Because, you’ve gotta admit, nothing would kick off a great new reputation like the motto: AMERICA—WE ADMIT OUR MISTAKES.”
“You know what else would totally minimize the animosity the rest of the world has towards us?” remarked another student. “If a transcript of today’s discussion was posted online for the whole world. I mean, it may not be the Christian, or optimistic, thing to do, but, golly, the joy our adversaries would revel in if it was publicly acknowledged that Bush is an ignoramus and a fraud. It would even give them a reason to at least postpone attack plans so they could see what else America had in store to humiliate the man. For instance, Saturday Night Live could teach the terrorists how to laugh again by doing nothing but skits about how the Republicans and the media would have reacted if Clinton had done and said all of the things we’ve been so blessed to witness with Bush. …I’m just saying.”
“Teacher, instead of explaining all of this yourself, why not just insist that everybody watch Mr. O’Reiley’s interview with Wes. Because, as I watched him explain things with such poise and command of the big picture, I couldn’t help thinking that even most Republicans watching must have been thinking, ‘Goodness gracious, we had the chance to let this guy call the shots, yet we turned it down?! Woe is me.’”
“Well, I thought of that, but I’m just afraid that too many people would slit their wrists when realizing what a criminally tragic error this was. However, you should make it mandatory that soldiers read Clark’s book, Winning Modern Wars, as well as his illuminating article, “Broken Engagement,” his August 28 Washington Post op-ed, “Before It’s Too Late,” and his radio interview with Alan Colmes from August 31; along with Larry Diamond’s book, Squandered Victory, Andrew Bacevich’s The New American Militarism, Seymour Hersh’s Chain of Command: The Road from 9/11 to Abu Ghraib, Scott Ritter’s Iraq Confidential, Anthony Shadid’s Night Draws Near, Reza Aslan’s No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam, Col. David Hunt’s They Just Don’t Get It: How Washington Is Still Compromising Your Safety, and Afghanistan: The Mirage of Peace, by Chris Johnson & Jolyon Leslie. Because people who put themselves in harm’s way on our behalf deserve to fully understand how and why things have gone so poorly; and how well they could go if handled by an honorable leader who knows what he’s talking about. But if any of you would like to get brownie points, watch the hearing on the Valerie Plame leak from July 23. Then write a thousand word essay explaining how come the Liberal media didn’t have every nightly newscast lead with the headline: ‘REPUBLICAN CIA OFFICIALS PROVE BUSH AND COMPANY HAVE NO CHARACTER; AND, DUE TO THEIR OVERZEALOUSLY PETTY WAYS, HAVE SERIOUSLY JEAOPARDIZED THE SECURITY OF THE NATION.’ For additional extra credit, watch the documentary Uncovered: The Whole Truth About The Iraq War. Then, if you can get me to retract my conclusion that this movie is irrefutable proof that Bush’s modus operandi is exactly the opposite from the behavior one would expect from the type of man Bush paints himself as, you will get credit for the tattoo ‘I love Turd Blossom,’ which I’ll get on my forehead on your behalf. To succeed, you’ll have to figure out how to undermine the collective credibility of the men and women who testify in that movie.”
“Teacher, you forgot to mention the proof of how corrupt the Pentagon/Cheney-Bush/Halliburton is that was presented on C-Span September 16 during the Senate Democratic Policy Committee on Contracts in Iraq. The two women who testified were loyal Republicans with impeccable credentials.”
“And you also forgot to mention Philip Giraldi’s article from the October 24 issue of The American Conservative. It’s really one of the most shocking and infuriating things you’ll ever read regarding how this Administration’s corruption and incompetence has completely lead to the worst foreign policy catastrophe in history. I don’t know what’s more vexing, the details in the story, or the fact that the Bush Administration still remains in office despite this article being in the public domain. Although, I guess it shouldn’t surprise me since I’ve already read Larry Diamond’s book, which should have been subtitled: A President’s Guide To How Not To Make All The Wrong Decisions When Being The Midwife for Democracy in the Middle East.”
“Teacher, speaking of Turd Blossom, why do you think people like Larry King and conscientious Republicans haven’t held Bush’s feet to the fire for not firing him for saying of Valerie Plame that she’s ‘fair game’?”
“If such people actually respected American values then we wouldn’t even be having this discussion because wubya never would have been allowed to run for governor in the first place, let alone the presidency.”
Dennis Miller stood up to object, though. “Look, teach, I don’t know where you think you get off—“
“Shh!” the teacher sharply interjected. “I have just two words for you, Dennis: Jeff Gannon.”
Dennis started to respond, but then just shut his mouth in dismay realizing what a fool he’d look like if he tried to defend such tactics by the Bush Administration. “What the fuck was I thinking?” Dennis thought to himself. “I supported a man who put a friggin’ ringer in the White House press corps….and they did it with a guy who was a gay male prostitute with no real journalism credentials. How the fuck did they think that the Liberal media would let them get away with such an embarrassingly infantile and transparent slap in the face of Democracy? Wait a minute. They did get away with it! Geez, I feel like such a nincompoop.”
“Okay, teach, I stand corrected,” conceded Dennis. “Perhaps I can make it up to you by teaching George how to say those words.”
“Teacher,” said another student, “I can believe in a miracle happening, but we should have a backup plan, like impeaching him

wow

?????

Break up the paragraphs.

You're hurting my eyes.

then I would also believe that Clark is hated by most military, Edwards has no gravitas, Kucinich is a joke, Dean is a lunatic, Gore is a liar, Clinton deserved impeachment, and Bush is a straight talking man of unquestioned integrity.

I think this is the worst promotion of Clark I have ever read, and I happen to think quite highly of Clark and have for well over a decade.

I think Clark would be embarrassed by this attack on other Democrats and especially against Kerry, who he has been close with for many years and long before most of DU ever even heard his name.

And since you are into Dares, I DARE YOU to name one lawmaker who has investigated and exposed more government corruption or effected this nation's actual history more positively than John Kerry has over the last 35 years.

Be optimistic. The water in this glass is only 50% arsenic.

A disruptive student prevents the entire class from learning. Getting all students to learn is difficult under ideal circumstances. When you start off not making sense, it's hard to push any further, especially when it's not formatted.

Sorry, these old eyes didn't make it past the fifth paraagraph.

--IMM

I don't know who's publishing this, but it should be written in script form with a narrator and background information just to give it continuity. I think I followed what was going on, but I don't even remember when Dennis Miller came into the whole mess and having a republican admit he was wrong is like grandma reversing in age, it just isn't going to happen. Who gives a crap what Dennis Miller thinks anyway.

Strip it in half, put into a cohesive structure, and don't hide the funny lines with tangential rants.

Welcome to DU!
:hi:

It's a political diatribe with a thin story-based coating, at best.

Plus: piss-poor formatting.

I agree with certain points (Yay Clark!), but Jesus H Christ on a stick riding the donkey to Bethlehem, get thee to an editor.

us that were overdosed with mercury in childhood vaccinations just cant read that shit:crazy:

or better yet----get a blog.