US Bible-thumping approaches thunderous roar

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the outcry from religious groups intensified following the White House decision to sign its holiday cards "Have a Happy Holidays", it would appear as though Bible-thumping levels across the nation are approaching near-deafening levels.

Members of the Christian Right are promoting a period of "prolonged Bible-thumping" in the wake of the President’s holiday card decision and have moved in for the kill in the self-proclaimed War on Christmas.

This new war has taken precedence over the other, harder-to-spin and much bloodier war in Iraq. Supporters are now arguing that saving impossible-to-prove religious symbolism and rehashed Kerri Underwood Christmas sing-along CDs are more important to the future of humanity than a terrorist-making factory in the Middle East.

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“We’ve done near worn out 12 Bibles just this week so it's a good thing that, as God-fearing Christians, we keep an ample supply by taking the ones from the nightstands at all the hotels we stay at," said Mary Joe Joe, a Catholic. "And who could not love Christmas trees and presents? It was all in the Bible after all, wasn't it?"