more ammo for the WoX (war on xmas)

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >TO: All Employees
> >DATE: 4th November
> >RE: Christmas Party
> >
> >I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> >place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room

> >at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
> >We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free

> >to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows
> >up dressed as Santa Claus!
> >
> >A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among
> >employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> >$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> >gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
> >special announcement at the Party.
> >
> >Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
> >
> >Pauline
> >
> >
> >
> >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >TO: All Employees
> >DATE: 5th November
> >RE:
> >Holiday Party
> >
> >In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> >employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
> >often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> >However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same
> >policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There
> >will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have
> >other types of music for your enjoyment.
> >Happy now?
> >
> >Happy Holidays to you and your family,
> >
> >Pauline.
> >
> >
> >
> >FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >TO: All Employees
> >DATE: 6th November
> >RE: Holiday Party
> >
> >Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> >requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm
> >happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
> >that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I

> >supposed to handle this? Somebody?
> >
> >Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since
> >the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management

> >believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> >
> >Pauline.
> >
> >
> >
> >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >TO: All Employees
> >DATE: 7th November
> >RE: Holiday Party
> >
> >What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
> >the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
> >during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
> >appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees'
> >beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
> >until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to

> >take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
> >
> >Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
> >farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
> >table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each
> >other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their

> >own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's
> >table too.
> >
> >To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
allowed.
> >
> >We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
> >available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

> >food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the
> >food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
> >restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss
anything?!?!?!?!?!
> >
> >Pauline.
> >
> >
> >
> >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >TO: All F****** Employees
> >DATE: 8 November
> >RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
> >
> >Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep

> >this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
> >sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you
> >so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including
> >organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They
> >scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the
> >scream right NOW!!
> >
> >I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
> >
> >The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
> >DATE: 9th November
> >
> >RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
> >
> >I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
> >recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
> >meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
> >instead, give everyone the afternoon of December 23 off with full
> >pay.

I have to post this on my blog.