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Edited on Mon Oct-20-03 09:55 AM by JNelson6563
read it and weep! ;)
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for congress and lost.
I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land
using taxpayer money.
Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the ChicagoWhite Sox.
With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most
polluted state in the Union.
I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-r idden city in
America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
I set the record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
I became President of the United States of America after losing the popular
vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the
Supreme Court.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I attacked two countries.
I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.
I set the economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any12-month period.
I set the all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
In the first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history.
I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.
I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
I set the all-time record for the most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.
(The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her ).
I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more
than any president in US history.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the
US from the human rights commission.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the
US from the elections monitoring board.
I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default
no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign
donations.
My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best
friends, presided over one of the largest cor porate bankruptcy frauds in
world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
I, with a policy of "disengagement," created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of
Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability.
I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea
more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden "dead or alive."
I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of
our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months, I have
no leads and zero suspects.
In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks, I have successfully prevented
any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of
the United States.
I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other
president in US history.
In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades,
possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than
two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving
record has been erased and is not available).
I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of
war.
I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas have been spirited away to my
father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker. (They
can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
I can't remember where I found this. Saved it to disk. Anyone know who the credit goes to?
Julie
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