Next Tory leader?

All those of a leftward slant in their politics are struggling to stiffle a chuckle in Britain over the current farce that is the once mighty Conservative Party. Now that IDS has been shown the door it seems that his replacement is going to be Michael Howard.

Possible candidates include:

Michael Howard - Clear favourite. Former Home Secretary. Right wing yet has recently tried to 'soften' his image. Ann Widdecombe once said of him "there is something of the night about that man." Amusingly talks like a character straight out of Charles Dickens. David Davis (ex-SAS, brought up on a council estate by a single mum, but his constituency is very marginal) has dropped out to support him.

Tim Yeo - Apparently 'modernisers' in the party are keen on him to stand. Shadow Trade and Industry Secretary. Uninspiring but if Clarke and Portillo don't stand those not overly keen on the Dickensian leadership of Howard (I'm looking at you Ms Widdecombe) might well flock to Yeo's slightly dull standard.

Theresa May - After Thatcher are the Tories about to go for another female leader? Current party chairman. Called her own party 'the nasty party'. Has made the newspapers for her snazzy footwear rather than for her political skill. Apparent tensions with IDS.

Michael Ancram - or, to be more accurate, the Earl of Ancram. Born with a whole cutlery drawer of silver spoons in his mouth this apparently inoffensive chap could well have become a prime minister in the Victorian Age. Earl of Derby, Lord Palmerston, Earl of Ancram...it sounds right. Nobody can hate Michael Ancram but it seems very few Tory MPs could actually vote for him.

Kenneth Clarke - Ah, now we are in big beast territory: well 10 years ago in a more centrist party perhaps. Hugely experienced former Chancellor. Perhaps the one man who could have seriously challenged Blair. His 'bloke at the pub' personna resonates quite well in the nation, but, sadly for Ken, his pro-European views mean he has very little chance of ever attaining the leadership he has tried so hard to gain.

Michael Portillo - Another that seems very unlikely to have another run for the leadership. Once the darling of the Thatcherite right-wing he now finds himself greatly disliked by them (and hated by quite a few). His drift away from his harsh Defence Secretary image seems to be genuine and permanent (although many still distrust him) and it almost certainly means he will never become leader of the party. A moderniser and head of the infamous Portillistas (blamed for undermining William Hague and Iain Duncan Smith) he will learn the lesson that those that wield the knife in the Tory party rarely get the crown. Spends more time on TV these days than in the Commons. Excellent broadcaster.

John Redwood - Will the Vulcan try again? Fiercely intelligent but his image is awful.

There are other candidates (Liam Fox, Oliver Letwin) who appear to have ruled themselves out. It really looks like its going to be Michael Howard. PMQs should be very different from here on in. Will Blair be ultimately toppled by a man with 'something of the night' about him?

I'm speaking, of course, of the honorable General Augusto Pinochet!