Middle East Jokes by Jay leno

Middle East Jokes
The best from the late night shows....

"President Bush is in the Middle East this week to promote his Middle
East peace plan. I don't think Bush quite gets it. Like today he said,
'Everything would work out in the Middle East if the Palestinians and
the Israelis would just start acting like good Christians.'" —Jay
Leno

"Positive news from President Bush: Both sides of the Middle East are
signing off on his road map to peace. The bad news is the Israelis
think the road goes through the West Bank, Palestinians think it goes
right through downtown Jerusalem." —Jay Leno

"An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's
heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the
bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself." —Jay Leno

"I thought this was kind of a breakthrough. Yasser Arafat says he
likes George Bush's idea of a brand new Palestinian election, as long
as they count the ballots in Florida." —David Letterman

"Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon arrived in Washington Sunday
night to give President Bush a 91-page book proving that Yasser Arafat
funded terrorists. White House sources say that President Bush has the
book and is almost done coloring it." —Tina Fey on Saturday Night
Live's "Weekend Update"

"In an interview, Yasser Arafat's wife, this hypocrite, she lives in
Paris by the way. She said she would gladly sacrifice her son for the
Palestinian cause if she had one. She also said she would gladly
become a suicide bomber herself, except she's allergic to dynamite.
'If it wasn't for that, I would gladly do it instead of shopping here
in Paris.'" —Jay Leno

"The Democrats said today that if they were in power they could get
Israel to pull out of Palestine. Oh shut up. They couldn't even get
Bill to pull out of Monica." —Jay Leno

"After weeks of pleading from the United States, on Saturday Yasser
Arafat finally condemned violence and terrorism in the Middle East.
Nothing like a tank coming through your front door to make you change
your mind." —Jay Leno

"Colin Powell's (Middle East) mission was somewhat a success. He came
back alive." —Jay Leno

"President Bush is working very hard on the Mideast problem. According
to a White House aide, President Bush's speech this week on the Middle
East conflict went through seventeen different drafts. Which is
actually good because the first draft started out 'Dear Bad Guys.'"
—Conan O'Brien

"Yasser Arafat is sleeping on the floor in his office with his closest
aides. He is the first leader to do that since Clinton." —Jay Leno

"Egypt now says they will no longer recognize Israel. Well of course
they don't recognize Israel, people keep blowing it up." —Jay Leno

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a black hole of joy, that jay leno...

and I'm no spring chicken

...and it took me a long time to figure out why he picked Leno. Carson had taken over the tonight show from Jack Parr and had totally eclipsed him as a talk show host. Carson is still 'the standard' against which all talk show hosts are measured. He didn't want that to happen to him, so he chose a mediocre talent to follow him.

Leno was picked for his abilty to keep his chin up, no matter what.

I cannot stand Leno, nor did I care for his predecessor, whom I considered to be a pompous, condescending asshole.

Since when is a little oral fun the same as sexual intercourse? Pulling out is something Jay's daddy should have done with Jay's mama.

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

But its not often.

Most of the monologue(if i watch the show) i go like "this wasnt funny just stupid"

But sometimes he have some gems..

this for example

""Positive news from President Bush: Both sides of the Middle East are
signing off on his road map to peace. The bad news is the Israelis
think the road goes through the West Bank, Palestinians think it goes
right through downtown Jerusalem." —Jay Leno "

Now thats a fair joke, it makes fun of both sides.. its not stupid etc..

This one isnt bad either

"Colin Powell's (Middle East) mission was somewhat a success. He came
back alive." —Jay Leno

Then take this

"The Democrats said today that if they were in power they could get
Israel to pull out of Palestine. Oh shut up. They couldn't even get
Bill to pull out of Monica." —Jay Leno"

That above joke just isnt funny.. its just stupid.
And im not saying that because im some crazy pro Clinton person.. i laugh at several mean Clinton jokes but they need to actually be funny not just stupid