Reasons to join the Republican Party

(The following satirical essay by theivoryqueen - no copyright infringements exist unless the Republican party cares to include any of my suggestions into their actual platform)

If lock-step, arm-twisting, bully-pulpit politics are for you, look no further than the Republican Party!! (Don’t let the recent charges of Fascist alarm you, we are simply a coalition of willing corporate partners who are dedicated to training “Big Government” to serve us!) If you feel that you are entitled to special treatment while those less fortunate than you are forced to accommodate or fund your activities, join us now - don’t De Lay!!!. If you enjoy the perks that moneyed privilege brings, including that secure glowing feeling of knowing you and yours are far above the “law” and shouldn’t be bothered by harassing prosecutors or other tiresome law-enforcement officials - you have come to the “Right” party. Perhaps you are fed-up with bothersome government regulations protecting ripe, succulent mutual funds from future corporate misdeeds, or are having problems skimming off your investors accounts. We can help. We may not be popular or populist, but we know how to get things done, including but not limited to: no-compete military contracts for major party donors, self-written legislation by generous supporters in industry, rollbacks on pesky environmental and industry standards, lowered incidents of IRS audits for fortune 500 members (including our famous “blind eye” treatment of tax havens and off-shore corporations), and a 100% commitment to drastically reduced or completely eliminated taxes for members of our social class (though we welcome all others who have obtained large fortunes). And we never forget the importance of building plenty of jails to contain boat-rocking malcontent liberals. We are so sure of our power we won’t mention the successes of our 100% superfluous war in Iraq (hint - our corporate “partners” know we are always looking out for them) and our ability to completely snow the general public, or our almost total control of the media. We want it, we got it - that’s our motto. So donate generously and remember: come election day you really don’t want to piss us off.

Paid for by Diebold Electronics.

How about the woman's right to choose to go to a godless country for abortions and how Christ loves good god fearing children and other profit making institutions.

thanks
rfu, moderator