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(sing to the tune of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General", from The Pirates of Penzance)
Bush:
I am the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative. No income tax in Crawford Texas! That's why I choose there to live. I've met the Queen of England. All her people think "What a moron!" The PM's in my pocket. So, the people they close the door on! Ten million people protest me. I call them just a "focus group". Made Uncle Dick Vice President. He say's he'll keep me in the loop. I campaigned as a moderate and quickly shifted to the Right. As long as Diebold's counting votes, the next election's locked up tight!
Chorus: As long as Diebold's counting votes, the next election's locked up tight! As long as Diebold's counting votes, the next election's locked up tight! As long as Diebold's counting votes, the next election's locked up tight!
Bush: Not very good pronouncing names of folks from former Soviet Blocs That's why I love the President of Mexico, Vin-cen-te Fox Uncurious 'bout world affairs? It's just my my brain is like a sieve. I am the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
Chorus: Uncurious 'bout world affairs? It's just his brain is like a sieve. He is the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
Bush: Not very well acquainted with the cultures of the Middle East. So long as oil is flowing about them I couldn't care the least! Osama and Saddam I will convince you are one and the same. And out in North Korea I refuse to talk to "What's his name"!
I go out golfing with my dad, while others I send off to war. Minorities from inner cities? Cannon fodder's what they're for! The Texas oil cartels have funded my campaigns quite well, and so... The Halliburton contracts were all promised very long ago.
Chorus: The Halliburton contracts were all promised very long ago. The Halliburton contracts were all promised very long ago. The Halliburton contracts were all promised very long ago.
Bush: By signing an abortion ban I take a woman's rights away. I think that God's behind me so I really don't care what you say. Reporters who dare criticize? To me? Major league (expletive)! I am the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
Chorus: Reporters who dare criticize? To him? Major league (expletive)! He is the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
Bush: From my father I inherit not just office, but an attitude. My mother's ugly temper's veiled with kind New England platitudes. My daughters, twins, they got from me desire to get liquored up. And Barney, on the runway... My wife Laura's blamed. SHE dropped that pup. My brother down in Florida - he promised I'd win at the polls. He made it happen dropping names of Blacks off the election rolls. My drug use in my reckless youth - effects profound and seminal. In short, my whole dang family's dysfunctional and criminal.
Chorus: In short, my whole dang family's dysfunctional and criminal. In short, my whole dang family's dysfunctional and criminal. In short, my whole dang family's dysfunctional and criminal.
Bush: My military service is as sketchy as you know it's brief. Though I went AWOL I am now America's Command'r in Chief Mission Accomplished! Many died protecting how the privileged live. I am the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
Chorus: Mission Accomplished! Many died protecting how the privileged live. I am the very model of a Neo-Con Conservative.
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