Parent Post: Am I too overprotective??

My oldest daughter is 6 (won't be 7 until the end of the year). She has a few friends in our neighborhood who are in her Kindergarten class and are allowed to play in the neighborhood by themselves (i.e., riding bikes, playing with the older kids in the neighborhood, sometimes going across the main street behind my house and going to the pond). Sometimes I see them literally by themselves, other times they are with another young child.

Our neighborhood is rather safe, but it is a rental community (duplexes) and people in the neighborhood move in and out so we really don't know all of our neighbors. We live in pretty safe town.

Anyways, these little 6-year-olds come to my house occassionally and ask if my daughter can come out and play. I don't feel comfortable at all with my daughter going outside by herself with another 6 year old. I don't think she's old enough to be playing outside by herself (or with another very young child) like that. Anyone could take these children, and while I'm confident that since we've had many conversations with our daughter about strangers and she has a good head on her shoulders, I think she's too young to be out without an adult in the area. I'm most comfortable when she's invited to a playdate and I know a parent will be there to supervise.

I'd love to have these children over to play with my daughter ... maybe after we move (which is next week) since right now my house is largely packed up.

Do you think I'm overprotective of my daughter?? :shrug:

I don't know what age I'd let my daughters run around the neighborhood by themselves, but 6 ain't it.

There should be at least one parent keeping a constant eye on children that young playing outside. Safe neighborhood or not, what if one of them were to get hurt? A 6 year old wouldn't know what to do. I think it's great that you have a neighborhood where the kids can play outside, but 6 is too young to be doing it without some kind of adult supervision.

You're doing a good job!

I wonder where the folks of those other kids might be. They seem a bit young for that much free reign.

Just mho but, if you're not confortable then it's not good. Six is very young to be out alone - near a pond without any adults around. Kids get snatched out of their own yards - I'd rather be overprotective.

And you can keep an eye on them?

I have a 9 1/2 year old, i dont let her walk to the mailbox without me. The world is a diffferent place from when we were little, it's not worth the risk.

or with kids I don't know. We've had the stranger talk and the gun talk, but I can tell that haven't really sunk in yet, so I don't care if someone thinks I am an overprotective freak. I'm not cutting the cord yet! *l*

So yeah, do what feels right to you rather than what you think looks good to others.

I think kids that young should always have someone outside at least supervising their activities..or a closed yard.

My son will be lucky if he is allowed to go out and play unsupervised when he is 30.

You are being a good parent. Keeping your little person safe is the most important thing.

Six is too young to play unsupervised. You are a loving and responsible parent. :)

When I was 6 in 1970 in the suburbs of a Southern city, it probably would have been too protective. Now? Nope. It's too weird now.

I don't let my 13 year old stand down the hill from our house in the morning to wait for the bus. IMHO 6,7,9,even 10 and 11 are too young to run free in the neighborhood. I let my 10 year old walk to friends houses two blocks away but she needed to call the minute she got there.

My general rule has been if it feels uncomfortable to me as a parent I needed to listen to that. Just last year a thirteen year old was sexually assaulted in the bathroom of an upscale resturant near Seattle. She went to the bathroom alone.

I would rather go overboard than ever regret what I could have done to protect my child---Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

all of a sudden it's way too much booze, drugs, and sex and she'll have no clue how to handle it.

what god-awful place do you live that you can't let a 10 yo have their free run of the neighborhood?

A 13-year-old can't wait for the bus by himself? Come on!

Maybe America is a less safe place precisely because all the kids (who would otherwise be playing in groups) are each holed up in their individual homes. Six may be too young to be running around the neighborhood, but why can't they play in the backyard with you keeping an eye on them from inside the house.

It's pathetic that children have to have "play dates" these days.

I'd like to see the statistics on exactly how many children are abducted by strangers each year. I bet it's less than one per state.

CNN and FAUX have a lot to answer for, making kidnapping seem more common than it is and covering each case breathlessly 24/7. There WERE child abductions when I was a kid in the 1950s, but they never made the national news, only the local news, unless the child was from a famous family. That's how people knew that they were rare.

My brothers and I played outside alone (with Mom or Dad watching from the window) well before we were six. We had to stay in the yard unless it was to go to the yard of someone my parents knew. When we were older, the rule was that we had to stay within a two-block area and come inside when it was dark.

It's ironic that the June Cleavers of the 1950s were at the same time stricter and yet more laid-back about raising kids than the mothers of today.

This is my first child, so I know I'm going to be pretty overprotective with her on some levels, but letting her out to play without any supervision doesn't feel right at all. It's not something I've talked to a lot of other parents about, and apparently some parents in my neighborhood wouldn't share my views!

It's sad that we have to be this protective over our kids now, but I totally agree with all of you that I'd rather be protective of them then losen the grip at this age and chance never seeing them again.

Thank you all for the reassurement :hi:

These other parents need to have their heads examined. These children need adult supervision. You are correct, anyone can in an instant, grab one of these kids. I find what you say horrifying. You are doing the right thing, keep your daughter in sight.

Six is waaay too young to play unsupervised. There was a small child abducted just last week, playing with another young child, near her home.

Better safe than sorry. Go with your gut feelings on this.

But maybe you can free up time from your busy day to go with the kids. Your line is Sure, she can come out, as long as you guys play where I can see you. Let me grab my jacket and let's go down to the pond.

and you should talk to the parents of the six and under kids going to the pond alone. A kid can drown in minutes.

And there are too many stories of multiple drownings, 1 kid starts to drown and another goes in to get him. Then you've got 2 drownings.

sat here watching these two kids (one from my daughter's class so she's 6 and her "big" brother who is in 2nd or 3rd grade) at the pond, which is directly behind my house (across the main street). We were absolutely amazed that they were there by themselves. They live down the street so I know their mom couldn't have been watching them from her window - it's not possible). Even with her watching, what could she have done?? You're right that they could have drown in a minute. They were even standing on top of the huge drainage pipe that goes into the pond and goofing around trying to look into the pipe from on top of it. I was simply shocked.

:scared:

That's less than 20 years ago.

I hope one day science can devise a way to keep a kid in its mother's womb until it's 18 years old.

Might as well as long as their childhood is going to be constantly monitored.

Sad sad world this is.

on PBS, either frontline or maybe Nova, and it stated that the human brain can't make decisions on risk assessment until they are in their mid teens. I have mid teens and I'm not sure they are even good to go in this world then.

You're not being overprotective, you're being wise.

When my son was about 8 or 9, I watched him cross my street right in front of my house, the only one he had to cross to get to school. All the talking and talking and talking about street safety and "Look both ways" had really taken hold, let me tell you.

To my delight, he carefully looked both ways, twice. Then, to my horror, proceeded to cross the street RIGHT IN FRONT OF A CAR. Thank you, thank you, alert and cautious neighbor driver.

It was a real wake-up call. It took a long time before we did that again. Who said, when you have a child it's like your heart is walking around outside your body. So true.

I agree with that. But to not let your 13 year old stand out outside is much too overprotective, IMO. My mother was like that and I still resent it. And I am almost 30, btw.

And she's gonna turn seven the end of May...

For anyone who tells me "You live in a small town in boo-foo nowhere--why can't your kid play outside alone?" I simply respond, "Bad people know how to drive, and kids run in front of cars every day even with crossing guards there."

FWIW, our backyard opens up into the school yard and we still walk her to school every day. There is no such thing as "too protective of kids" when it is a matter of keeping them alive, IMO.

Laura

My daughter is 12 and she's allowed to ride her bike around somewhat, but has to check in every 45-60 minutes and have some itinerary or she's not allowed and I know the families where she's going to be. My oldest son is 8 and 1/2 and he's just able to ride his bike a block to a friend's house (and I know the family well). My almost 6 year old son is stuck in the fenced yard, as is my 2 year old son. My 2 year old can only be in the fenced yard with continuous adult supervision, sometimes if my daughter is watching him and I can see out the window. I'm pretty careful and I know most of my neighbors fairly well. In your situation, I'd be just as cautious.

You're being a good parent. Where the hell are these kids' caretakers? That's scary!

Just think of all those who've said "But we thought it was a safe neighborhood". No, kids that age need adults around and shouldn't be running around alone. You don't know all your neighbors so don't worry if you're paranoid, worry if you're not.

I think short periods in a well-fenced back yard (without a pool) would be okay unsupervised, but without the boundary, god only knows what woudl happen.

I've got a 6 and an almost 4 year-old, and I'd never let either of them out on their own. Of course we live in the middle of San Francisco - there is traffic, transients, etc. It's a nice neighborhood, but it is the big city...

Even in the 'burbs or in the country, who knows what kind of creep might drive up and get them into their car? "Stranger Danger" classes only help so much with kids this age.

I don't intend to let my kid even get a drivers license until he's 18, and he won't be getting a car until he's 20. I don't think 16-year olds are ready to drive on their own, judging from my own experiences and my friends growing up. Hell, most people in their early 20s are pretty bad too, but you have to start someime.

EDIT:

I used to live in Miami, in an apartment complex where the parents let kids of that age wander about the complex or swim in the pools alone. They would even be swimming in Miami's frequent lightning storms. When we warned them about it, they didn't care. Many Miami parents also keep their kids up until midnight or 1 am on school nights. One reasons I hated and was happy to leave that town - irresponsible parenting is the norm.

And if you're worried about those little girls, make sure their mothers know you. Then when they come to ask if she can play, invite them in. I remember my granny, the neighborhood grandmother, would always have cookies for us and we'd play in her huge yard. I really believe that with the state of parenting, every neighborhood needs someone to look out for kids. In my old neighborhood where I lived most recently, there are three year old kids out on bikes with the training wheels in the street without a parent in sight.
Duckie

http://www.stats.org/record.jsp?type=news&ID=46

Basically, there are far fewer than parents imagine in their paranoid fears. It is much more dangerous for a child to ride in a car than to play outside.

I couldn't find any statistics for how many children are killed in car accidents each year, but about half a million are injured.

http://www.nasn.org/positions/seatbelts.htm

Statistically, you'd do much better at keeping your children safe by not taking them in the car with you than by not letting them play outside.

Sadly, car accidents are so common that they barely make the news. Child abductions make the news precisely because they are rare.

Lighten up, people, especially when it comes to children ages ten and up.